NEW YORK CITY - (Spoof News) - This is a compilation of recent tweets written by various political, sports, and celebrity individuals.
1. TOM BRADY - I promise that I am going to be a damn good NFL sportscaster, even better than Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Tony Romo, John Madden, and Tim "The Tongue" Tillamini.
2. GOV. RON DESANTIS - I am going to kick every GOP presidential hopeful's ass big time, especially that orange-colored clown who will soon be sitting in prison playing with his tiny pee-pee.
3. KATY PERRY - Yes, I do make $20 million on "American Idol" and I am worth every fucking penny.
4. LEBRON JAMES - I just want to say that my boo, Melania, has told me some shit about her soon-to-be-ex-husband that can send him to prison for up to 82 years.
5. KIM KARDASHIAN - Every time that my boyfriend, Joaquin (Beauregard Gazpacho) kisses me, my pubic region gets positively soaked.
6. MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE - I am not conceited, but I have the sweetest and prettiest beaver in D.C.
7. JOSE ALTUVE - My Astros are going tu be dee beisbol world champs again. I promise dat tu ju.
8. TAYLOR SWIFT - I am the luckiest girl in the entire world to have a boyfriend like my stud cowboy, Anson Mount.
9. MELANIA TRUMP - I shust blocked Donaldo. I duzz not wants for dee poosie grabber tu eber text me cause I lub 'Bronny.'
10. IVANKA TRUMP - I am thrilled that my sperm donor father will finally go to prison where the evil, hate-spewing orange whale belongs.
And in closing remember the famous words of President Biden who recently told Miley Cyrus, "Sweetie, never, ever forget that the reason why haters hate you is simply because they're fucking jealous!"
