Bad Sign Language Could Lead to Short-Lived Illuminati Stardom

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Monday, 27 February 2023

image for Bad Sign Language Could Lead to Short-Lived Illuminati Stardom
Do the Correct Sign, or Don't Do it at All!

Michelle Yeoh and Jamie Lee Curtis won big at SAG awards, but their masters are not pleased!

In the above photo, we can see Yeoh and Curtis trying to give each other the Illuminati hand sign, acknowledging their true lords and masters who make celebrities famous and rich and portion out eternal life to those who make them happy.

But when your hands aren’t forming the triangle, but a half-assed circle or whatever that is, then who knows how long you have until the Big Ill take away all they have given their minions. Do not piss them off. Harvey Weinstein knows this. As do others who manage to “kill themselves” in strange ways for strange reasons at strange times.

Bill Clinton’s aide, Mark Middleton, knows how powerful the Ill are, as well. He tied himself to a tree and shot himself, though no gun was found. Someone take away the evidence? Or it was never there?

Without conspiracy theories, there can be no Ill. Which can only mean … the conspiracy theorists are right and the “official history” of anything can only be wrong ‘cuz it’s written by the corrupt Illuminati minions!

It all makes horrible horrible sense. Bill Gates won’t say why he was on the Lolita Express, and Jim Carrey is suing someone for reading that list and posting it on his Youtube channel.

Will reading be banned in the future? Enforced illiteracy? Make everyone dumb and then the Ill can hold sway like never before?

And then the crocodile men from Antarctica and the aliens from the dark star on the other side of the sun come to rule us all! (For what exactly? Who the hell knows, but probably money.)

Exciting times in which to be alive! (But I still wouldn’t trust anyone, especially not an actress who can’t even do the hand sign properly. Okay, she was probably nervous and happy … so the Ill may let it slide … for now …)

PS: Who controls Hollywood? Watch for the signs, especially at award shows, or whenever celebrities are praised or praising themselves. The signs!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more