Caption competition image
By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000

Show all entries as a list.

Daddy Goat Mummy Goat Baby Goat
Hey junior, I hope you haven't bought me another razor for Christmas this year.
And remember what I said last year about it not being nice to give a lady soap.
I've got a bar of soap and a nice razor going cheap if anyone's interested!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:55 19 Dec 2011
What a stupid place to leave a camera!
Quite so Billy, dear.
Can I eat it? Can I? Can I mother? Please..Aww Please
By Micflex at 18:57 19 Dec 2011
No dear.
*Winks at Daddy Goat* We had not noticed, HAD WE DEAR?
Mother.....Father....Why am I the only kid with a horn sticking out of my butt?
By Micflex at 19:08 19 Dec 2011
MMMmmmm So thats how Humans do it
What are they doing mom?
By Micflex at 19:12 19 Dec 2011
When he bends down to get into the tent, junior you run and butt him in the butt
You two are acting like a couple of kids!
O.K. Dad.....I like this game.
By Micflex at 19:20 19 Dec 2011
Ask your mother.
Ask your father.
Oh, someone please tell me what a wether is!
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:14 19 Dec 2011
What is it son?
Yes....What is it son?
I dont know, but it only has one eye and I am not gonna be the first to blink!
By Micflex at 20:29 19 Dec 2011
Alright son what have you done this time?
Dont be so hard on him Billy.
It was like that when I got here...Honest Dad!
By Micflex at 20:31 19 Dec 2011
You tell em Shroty!
Billy, will you PLEASE stop calling Junior, that horrid name!
One Move and the Bunny gets it!
By Micflex at 20:36 19 Dec 2011
Ha! He's got you there dear.
Mother, You know Fathers name is Billy.So I was thinking can I be Billy the Kid?
By Micflex at 20:50 19 Dec 2011
New balls please...Tee he he.
The one who always looks like he is in pain dear.
Mom..Which one is Andy Murry?
By Micflex at 22:00 19 Dec 2011
I'm going down the Pub.
That's nice dear.
Mom...I think I am gay.
By Micflex at 22:04 19 Dec 2011
Have we all got it?...I will eat the plants in the Pub car park
I chew on the hanging baskets
And I do an 'all you can eat' in the beer garden.
By Micflex at 22:08 19 Dec 2011
O.K. On the count of three...Riverdance!
X Factor, here we come!
But Dad...My hooves hurt!
By Micflex at 22:12 19 Dec 2011
Look over der it's himself!
Wow! It's Paddy McGinty!
By Micflex at 22:15 19 Dec 2011
Awwwwwwwww come on!
That was never off side..was it Dad?
By Micflex at 00:55 20 Dec 2011
Glastonbury is the best festival in the world son..Trust me!
I hope Leonard Cohen is here this year.
Dad, I wana go to the Pyramid Stage and Kidz Field
By Micflex at 01:12 20 Dec 2011
Junior..Get it friggin right will you or you will never get into musicals!!
Please do not shout Billy. Son it's, High on a hill was a lonely goatherd..
Not 'goat turd' then mom?..Sorry..It's just the guys in school sing those words.
By Micflex at 01:45 20 Dec 2011
I think mine gives me an air of distinction,
My Lady Shave is in for a service.
What are you two like?..Those beards are so 90's
By Micflex at 01:59 20 Dec 2011
Just give it a chance son.
I have started 'pulling' to the right when I run.
Dad, this new age red ear jewellery is never going to catch on you know
By Micflex at 02:09 20 Dec 2011
"Don't worry son, you'll soon be as horny as we are!"
"Oh really Father!"
By Inchcock at 06:38 20 Dec 2011
"..and I'm telling you he is Welsh!"
" can you be so sure?"
...."either way armageddon outta here fast!!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 19:49 20 Dec 2011
This is ridiculous. We're not reindeer, we're goats
Mark couldn't find a picture of reindeer. Wish them a merry Christmas Rudolph
Merry Christmas spoofers!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:33 21 Dec 2011
"I wonder why we have been tagged?"
"So the farmer doesn't lose us dear?"
"Nar... it's to remind the Spoofer's to tag their spoofs!"!"
By Inchcock at 04:46 21 Dec 2011
Trust us to get lumbered with the chav Nativity play
Well, apparently they couldn't find 'three wise men'
...yeh, and someone's already smoked the 'myrrh'.
By shufflewick71 at 18:12 21 Dec 2011
Where's he going to?
He he no son it's called a T-O-G-A party. It's what the Romans wore
Mum the farmer's going to a GOAT party dressed as a Roman
By IN SEINE at 23:11 21 Dec 2011
"Another Save the Goat photographer! It's so annoying!"
"I hope he doesn't want to to 'Occupy the Goat'"
"Aw, don't let him get your Goat!"
By Inchcock at 04:44 22 Dec 2011
Is this one of those 'men who stare at goats'?
He does'nt look much like George Clooney
If it is him he's let himself go a bit
By Thing50 at 08:26 22 Dec 2011
"I've got toothache, had it since I was a kid!"
"I've had earache since I was a kid!"
"Huh, cheers!"
By Inchcock at 11:58 22 Dec 2011
"That human on the road down there, just drove off at the corner!"
"Yes, and our Auntie Hilda nearly got ran over!"
"Perhaps he didn't see the Ewe turn?"
By Inchcock at 12:03 22 Dec 2011
"Soon be time for a cuppa tea Mildred!"
"Alright Mark!"
"I'd like a goatee too please?"
By Inchcock at 12:05 22 Dec 2011
There's a Western on at the flics tonight!"
"Roy Rogers, or Hoppalong Cassidy dear?"
"Hope not, I like Billy the Kid best, ha ha!"
By Inchcock at 12:07 22 Dec 2011
"I Hope you're not too sad at your brother getting knocked over and killed son?
"He's probably up in Heaven right now with God. He'll be happy there"
"What would God want with a dead goat?"
By Inchcock at 12:12 22 Dec 2011
Windy today isn't it
It sure is
Don't call me 'it'!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:51 22 Dec 2011
Who do you think our kid resembles?
He looks a bit like you and a bit like me I think!
Yeah which one has got a horn protruding from his/her backside?
By IN SEINE at 19:54 22 Dec 2011
Interesting...They have dug a big hole in the ground and filled it with logs..
Look...The have set fire to it...Very interesting....
Mom..Dad...Why is that man coming over with a great big knife?
By Micflex at 21:25 22 Dec 2011
So you know what to do if that Troll shows up?
Jeezeee..For the last time Junior...You threaten to GOBBLE HIM UP!
I threaten to, gobble him, right mom?
By Micflex at 22:13 22 Dec 2011
"Did you enjoy the film dear?"
"Not really, I prefer a good buck!"
"Oh Mother!"
By Inchcock at 04:57 23 Dec 2011
"Did you see that genetic engineers are implanting human DNA into goats?
"Our herdsman has been doing that for years dearie!"
"Is that so?"
By Inchcock at 05:02 23 Dec 2011
Why is Herdsman Singh standing in that field with a propeller on his hat?
Free energy dear.
Oh, it's one of those wind turbans!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:10 23 Dec 2011
"I think the competition photo's are getting more classy nowadays!"
"Oh yes dear, from the lows of Mount Rushmore to the heights of Mountain Goats!"
"Mount Rushmore? I'm too young to remember that one!"
By Inchcock at 03:45 24 Dec 2011
Our herdsman is ill. He's crawling along the ground.
What's that he said? He's talking gibberish like he did this time last year.
He says he wants to give you a kiss for Chrishmush, mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:16 24 Dec 2011
Every bloody advert on sky this time of year is for three piece suites!
That red one looks nice dear.
I bet it tastes nice as well Mum.
By Micflex at 21:32 24 Dec 2011
What is the matter with Junior dear?
He ordered a bathroom suite from Ebay.
And the stupid sod's sent me a waterproof Jellybean!
By Micflex at 21:37 24 Dec 2011
"I understand some Spoofer's are missing tags?"
"There are none needed in this Caption Competition dear!"
"Well we've got tags on out ears here dear!"
By Inchcock at 04:57 25 Dec 2011
"High on a hill was a lonely Goatherd..."
"Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo"
"Every bloody Christmas I have to suffer this!"
By Inchcock at 05:02 25 Dec 2011
Why's the earliest cave drawing of the moon dated only around 5,000 years ago?
I really don't know dear. Why don't you go and have a little sleep.
Ignore him. Dad's always like this at Christmas after he's had a few gins!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:14 25 Dec 2011
"Who is your favourite famous cowboy star? Mine is Ronald Reagan"
"I like the Sundance Kid!"
"I liked Billy the Kid!"
By Inchcock at 06:38 26 Dec 2011
There's John our new herdsman. I wonder why he wears a skirt
He's from Scotland dear, it's called a kilt.
He must be the famous John O'Goats!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:59 26 Dec 2011
We've all been down with that musical instrument flu over Christmas
Been blowin' our noses like trumpets, with headaches like banging drums..,
'n' now I've got that guitar in me 'ead haven't I mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:50 26 Dec 2011
"Was that the farmer who mistook you for a sheep yesterday my dear?"
"Yes, bless him!"
By Inchcock at 04:10 27 Dec 2011
"I heard that David Cameron is a nice man really!"
"Well I certainly have not heard that!"
"A case of the Lonely Goat-heard? Ha ha!"
By Inchcock at 07:12 27 Dec 2011
It is so sad, this time last week that field was full of Turkeys.
Hush dear, Junior is listening.
Where did all the big dicky birds go mum?
By Micflex at 19:37 27 Dec 2011
"I hear we will be the Caption Competition for the new year then?"
"A big honour for our herd!"
"Even the little goat heard that o
By Inchcock at 08:27 28 Dec 2011
Have you ever been to John O'Goats?
Don't you mean John O'Groats?
You mean we've got 30 more days of this crap.
By whatinthe world at 12:37 28 Dec 2011
I don't know where people find the space in their stomachs to put it all
And they have the cheek to say that all WE do is eat!
Turkey, stuffing, Xmas pudding, cake, sweets, pickles, nuts, ..Pots and Kettles!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:36 28 Dec 2011
Our kid's got a part in this year's pantomime down in the village hall
This year's panto is called 'A Christmas Carol'
I'm playing 'The Goat of Christmas Past'!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:25 28 Dec 2011
Hi! Would you like to join us for a game of football in our field?
We have our defenders, midfielders, and strikers
But we need a goatkeeper!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:03 28 Dec 2011
I'm thinking we should turn left up ahead.
Even though the GPS says we should turn right?
And this is why I'm addicted to alfalfa.
By Lyndon at 02:29 29 Dec 2011
You know, you're really getting on my goat! Stop it!
You're such a silly billy goat!! Grow up.
This is worse than goat's milk, get me out of here.
By whatinthe world at 04:49 29 Dec 2011
Did you say goat turd just then?
Goat herd!! GOAT HERD!!!!
I really like the 'Stones album "Goatshead Soup".
By whatinthe world at 04:54 29 Dec 2011
Cover your eyes Mother I do believe that sheep is in for you-know-what!
If that's the case then she's lucky girl, I've not had any for week's!!
That's odd, I thought it was only Turkey's that got stuffed?
By Herrdoktorfox at 10:06 29 Dec 2011
"How do they manage to walk on two feet?"
"And balance while taking the picture!"
"Thick parents or what?"
By Inchcock at 11:30 29 Dec 2011
Well I'm not going to do this every time Billy behind us needs to pee
Oh be patient. Billy has a bashful bladder dear. He'll tell us when he's done.
My pal Billy says he can't pee when we're facing him
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:09 29 Dec 2011
'To The Best of My Knowledge'
'Not That I'm Aware of'
Honestly, how many phrases can Piers Morgan use to avoid saying NO under oath?
By radiogagger at 20:07 29 Dec 2011
"The farmer wants us to stop charging visitors to the farm!"
"How's he going to do that then?"
"Take away our credit cards! He he he, oh I am a fool!"
By Inchcock at 07:42 30 Dec 2011
See what time it is now by the farmhouse clock?
It's still too early dear, there's hours to go before it reaches 2012
What's so special about twelve minutes past eight dad?
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:36 30 Dec 2011
I still say mine is the best
I do like the herdsman's though - it's very neat dear
I prefer his wife's - her beard is longer and more bushy
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:24 30 Dec 2011
The farmer's flowers looked nice, I'll admit that.
Until you ate them! Just tell the farmer our kid did it like you did last year
It's not fair, why am I always made the scapegoat?
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:31 30 Dec 2011
So you told your teacher at school you want to be like me when you grow up son.
Did you mean you'd like to have a nice beard like your dad's Billy?
No mum, I want to be a randy old goat like him!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:47 30 Dec 2011
So...I was on the Billy Goat Forum and he said "I'm going to eat you up!"
Then I went on the Billy Goat Forum and he said "I'm going to eat you up!"
Finally I went on and he said "I'm going to eat you up!" I hate Internet Trolls!
By I think I'm funny... at 22:39 30 Dec 2011
"Wiv der Kray Goats"
By armfeetandtoe at 00:33 31 Dec 2011
"I spy something beggining with.... B"
" er...."
Billygoat you fools!"
By Inchcock at 08:29 31 Dec 2011
Now I am a Sir!
Now I am a Lady!
Now I haven't got a goat's chance.
By j.w. at 14:32 31 Dec 2011
I'm Billy
I'm Nanny
I'm Lucifer
By Alan Bama at 17:45 31 Dec 2011
Goat tell it on the mountain
Haven't you got homes to Goat to
Goat to get you into my life
By Alan Bama at 17:48 31 Dec 2011
My name's Larry and I love everything nnd everybody..
Ohhh take my hand, Come with me Baby to love land...
By Alan Bama at 17:51 31 Dec 2011
"What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a goat?"
"Erm.. er.. I don't know dear!"
"That's easy, you get a hare in your milk!"
By Inchcock at 05:37 01 Jan 2012
The New Year's Eve party streamers were fun last night
Yes, and wearing the party hats
Mum, can we take them off now and go back to being sheep again? Baaaaaah!!!!!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:34 01 Jan 2012
Rupert Murdoch has joined Twitter
That man really gets my goat
Isn't half the worlds newspapers and television channels enough for him?
By radiogagger at 21:17 01 Jan 2012
"The sheep don't talk us much recently dear"
"They say they can't have a good conversation with us...."
"I know this one, they say we keep butting in!"
By Inchcock at 06:21 02 Jan 2012
"Do like best butter Marge?"
"You mean like our Kid here?!
"Oh, a crap joke again!"
By Inchcock at 06:17 03 Jan 2012
Hey. Here comes Moses. I guess it's sacrifice time again.
Oh, dear! I hope he picks Agnus. She's such a fricken gossip.
Why do WE have to pay for their stupid sins? STOP SINNING, YOU MORONS!
By SamIAm at 01:27 04 Jan 2012
Signing: "As long as I need Ewe..."
Signing: "Ram on give me your heart... "
"Romantic fools!"
By Inchcock at 07:03 04 Jan 2012
The horses on the telly races jump over much higher fences than that one
Yes, but think of your tackle dear
And the fences they jump don't have barbed wire along the top of them dad!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:23 04 Jan 2012
"What do you call a goat that lip-syncs? "
"Billy Vanilli!"
By Inchcock at 09:04 05 Jan 2012
What a total waste of money. We could soon munch that away for our farmer.
The man he's hired to do it isn't even eating those bits he's cutting off.
It looks like a big rabbit to me. I think they call it topiary.
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:07 05 Jan 2012
Here she comes again with that rotten clothes line and wet washing
I wish the farmer's wife would visit the optician in the village
She ties the clothes line between your and dad's horns doesn't she mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:24 05 Jan 2012
Who do they think they're gawping at!
Anyone'd think they've never seen a goat before
They're probably city people who don't watch Emmerdale mum
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:34 05 Jan 2012
"Why has that sheep been tied up in the new pen in the corner of the field?"
"And covered over with tarpaulin?"
"That's the farmer's new recreation gym!"
By Inchcock at 07:03 06 Jan 2012
No mate, there's no goat here named Fahso or Lahte. The wife here is Doe
My husband is Ray
And I'm just 'Me' - as far as I know!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:41 06 Jan 2012
"I should go first at mealtimes in future!"
"I'll go second dearest!"
After Ewe two then?"
By Inchcock at 09:44 07 Jan 2012
We'll have to cut down dear. You'll have to buy things from the charity shops.
I have been - but the things in the charity shops are too dear, dear.
Oh dear! You think YOU'VE got problems!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:38 07 Jan 2012
Mum, you know when you said it'd be safe to eat them GM oats...
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:54 07 Jan 2012
Ever had the feeling someone's looking at you?
Yes, I've been aware of it since the Guy Fawkes night fireworks on 5th November.
No, it started the day before that mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:30 07 Jan 2012
Hey! That's a little camera!
Maybe it's a Spoof!
Doh! It's a smartphone - Facebook here we go!
By tubsturtle at 21:56 07 Jan 2012
We'll charge at the count of three. One,,
Seems Cameron's no better than Blair
Education; Education; Education!
By Tommy Twinkle at 01:37 08 Jan 2012
"Our Matilda ate a whole ball of wool you know?"
"Yes, her kids were born wearing sweaters!"
"That's some yarn!...."
By Inchcock at 07:12 08 Jan 2012
All I said to her is that she's looking more like her mother every day
Well she's upset. Don't you want to have a pretty face like mine dear?
(Folks, should I tell her dad said to uncle earlier mum's got a big fat bum!)
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:30 08 Jan 2012
Hi there, today some poetry, while there's a sky above,
The weather we will get will be
The weather we will have!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:22 08 Jan 2012
Good 'ere innit!
It's alright for you two - I've got to get the dinner on
Do chips mum, oh please, please do chips!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:06 08 Jan 2012
Out with it then, why the long faces?
You fool, what do you expect goats to have?
Perhaps they want us to smile dad. Hey, I'm wagging me tail, what more can I do?
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:14 08 Jan 2012
On your marks...
Get set...
Run,run like your life depends on it,because it DOES!
By The Rupture at 22:09 08 Jan 2012
"Why did the farmer put the 'Fecund Ohio smuts' sign on our hilltop field gate?"
"Well fecund means 'Capable of producing offspring!'
"Nae, 'Fecund Ohio smuts' is an anagram of The Sound of Music!"
By Inchcock at 04:21 09 Jan 2012
We are just sheep with horns
You may be but I prefer being a goat
I have French horns
By j.w. at 17:13 10 Jan 2012
I hope she remembers to milk me
The Milkmaid comes today
I don't like milk - I tried his once - yugggk!
By Lynton at 00:46 11 Jan 2012
When I was Regimental Mascot back in '89........
Oh no do, you have to go on so?
Oh no, not the Seargent Major's Baton - I've heard that one a hundred times
By Lynton at 00:59 11 Jan 2012
"The other goats think my horns are the best in the herd"!"
"Goats on the Matterhorn have the best ones!"
"More people like Lena Horne though!"
By Inchcock at 05:26 11 Jan 2012
"Mother, have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?"
"Only when I tried to spell it!"
"Bloomin' 'eck, the old un's are coming now!"
By Inchcock at 07:39 12 Jan 2012
"Why did you get us up late this morning Gertrude?"
"The alarm clock fell into the sheep dip!"
"Ah I see, it lost all of its ticks?"
By Inchcock at 07:16 13 Jan 2012
"The farmer is thinking of mating sheep and goats together, to improve profits!"
"Improve profits? How's that then?"
"He'll get an animal that eats tin cans and gives him steel wool!"
By Inchcock at 06:34 14 Jan 2012
"We used to used as currency in England years ago you know!"
"No dear, that would be GROATS your thnling about!"
"Bless um!"
By Inchcock at 07:16 15 Jan 2012
Is that sheepdog I spy behind you about to do you doggy style ?
No it bloody well isn't behind me it's behind the mysterious fourth goat...
There are seven of us in this photo but only three of us have speaking parts!!!
By Chris James at 08:42 15 Jan 2012
See, I told you the gate's been left open. Let's walk down to the village.
I wouldn't mind getting a few carrots
Are you sure these are credit cards on our ears dad?
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:48 15 Jan 2012
"Why did the goat cross the road?"
"'Because it was the chickens day off ha ha ha!"
"Oh dearie me..."
By Inchcock at 06:10 16 Jan 2012
Here comes that soppy preacher again with his little book of nonsense.
I agree with you dear. What sort of God would have given us long necks!
Dad says a long neck wastes time getting food from his mouth to his stomach!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:15 16 Jan 2012
"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?"
"I don't know dear!"
"I do, you get a wooly jumper!"
By Inchcock at 07:25 17 Jan 2012
We saw you on TV last night Junior...
... with Dara O'Brian, Rory Whatsisname and Griff Rhys-Jones
Oh that.....3 men in a goat!!!!
By IN SEINE at 20:58 17 Jan 2012
"Who's been touching your tits?"
"The farmer you dozy twat"
"Why does the farmer call me his kid?"
By armfeetandtoe at 23:18 17 Jan 2012
"For fucks sake Mildred, how long did you set the auto photo switch for?"
"I dont know"
"I need the toilet Mum"
By armfeetandtoe at 23:32 17 Jan 2012
"We are"
By armfeetandtoe at 23:38 17 Jan 2012
I wonder why our herdsman has to go rushing off to Prince Charles every night?
He's a slave driver. By the time our herdsman comes home he can barely stand
I've heard there's a pub in the village called The Prince of Wales
By Tommy Twinkle at 02:30 18 Jan 2012
i love you
i love you
i love you too
By chandan pramanik at 07:43 18 Jan 2012
"Where have all the male sheep gone from the field next door?"
"Perhaps they've gone in holiday dear?"
"Yes, gone abroad to the Ewephrates!"
By Inchcock at 09:25 18 Jan 2012
He didn't get it from my side of the family, that's for sure
Well he's inherited the explorer's gene from somewhere.
All I said is that some day I'm gonna find out what's over that hill
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:51 18 Jan 2012
What shall we call him?
Billy the Kid. LOL - never heard that one before.
By Terry Firmer at 16:49 18 Jan 2012
"If a Sheep is a Ram..."
"And a Mule is an Ass..."
"How come a Ram in the Ass is a Goose?!
By Inchcock at 06:14 19 Jan 2012
"For fuck's sake Mirriam, do you have to be so fukin nosy"?
"She was looking at me!"
"Nice tits
By armfeetandtoe at 20:24 19 Jan 2012
By armfeetandtoe at 20:26 19 Jan 2012
"I here that foot and mouth disease is less prevalent nowadays!
"I'm more worried about the family catching 'Toxic Flock Syndrome!"
By Inchcock at 09:41 20 Jan 2012
"I here we have a new farmer coming to take over"
"Yes, they say he's from Scotland"
"From John oGroats actually!"
By Inchcock at 06:23 21 Jan 2012
What's that old song called? It's about a patient goat on it's travels.
Trains, Goats, and Planes?
No, I know the one. It goes 'I'd like to get you, on a slow goat to China'.
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:09 21 Jan 2012
Here he comes. If he tries to do it again I'm gonna headbutt him
It is annoying when his coat drops down over my eyes
Our herdsman calls mum's horns his goathangers!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:33 21 Jan 2012
It just means a female goat, son. Like your mum.
That's right, I'm the nanny goat.
Mum, so how old do I need to be before I can put a bet on with you?
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:46 21 Jan 2012
I wonder if the sea's just over that hill
Prob'ly miles away dear. I haven't noticed any seagulls flying about
I saw our herdsman put down sand over where he'd been sick on New Year's Eve!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:03 21 Jan 2012
So, That's a mirror is it? Why do we look like goats?
By Ellis Ian Fields at 00:56 22 Jan 2012
"I wonder why Mark picked our family for this competition photo?"
"I have no idea my love!"
"Well he's goat to pick something!"
By Inchcock at 04:39 22 Jan 2012
"Stand still Mirriam, dont fukin move"
"For gods sake! Why?"
"Dad just heard a zipper being opened"
By armfeetandtoe at 15:46 22 Jan 2012
"That bloke who spoke to you Maisy, was conducting a survey then?"
"Yes, he wanted to know what I thought about sex on the TV?
"Very uncomfortable I'd have thought!"
By Inchcock at 04:27 23 Jan 2012
"Its a pain being a goat"
"Cos everyone thinks we look like the devil"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:16 23 Jan 2012
"What was it your Mum used to say to you Griselda?"
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you..."
I know... 'then you'll see what it's like', same old tales, their bored stiff!
By Inchcock at 06:22 24 Jan 2012
At night an old goat down in Brighton, to kids in his field liked to frighten
He'd sneak up in the dark, then say 'boo' for a lark
So the herdsman now leaves the moonlight on!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:54 24 Jan 2012
So you think we should laugh at your jokes? You try living your life as a goat
Cold winters aren't fun, nor the hot summer sun
And in rain we stand here and get soaked!
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:03 24 Jan 2012
Our kid's got a boil on his bum, he's just pointed it out to his mum
Oooh, it does look so sore, have you got any more?
Not as far as I know, just the one!
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:22 24 Jan 2012
What's that guy pointing at us, Ethel?
Looks like some kind of weapon. Maybe we should run.
No way, Ma. That's a camera. We're gonna be on Facebook.
By Jack Getze at 00:44 25 Jan 2012
"If a sheep farmer is called a Shepherd,,,,,"
"Why isn't a goat farmer called a Goatherd?"
"Their both bored stiff you know!"
By Inchcock at 05:36 25 Jan 2012
"If the farmer had 15 cows and 5 goats, what would he get?"
"Plenty of milk! Ha ha ha!"
"Oh dear, and I had to get these two as parents didn't I?"
By Inchcock at 05:28 26 Jan 2012
I hope your mum and me don't get told off for going for our little walk today
Has anyone said anything to you while me and your dad were gone our kid?
Nah, but I think dad was standing a bit more to the right before
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:56 26 Jan 2012
"Not often us goats get in the pictures is it?"
"(Sigh) No dear..."
"What about the herd in the Sound of Music then?"
By Inchcock at 06:08 27 Jan 2012
"Why has that bloke in the skirt got a knife?"
"I thought I heard someone say Hal"
"No,, he said, Hallal be back"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:39 27 Jan 2012
"He's been singing since he was a kid"
"Voice like an angel"
"I hope Simon puts me through"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:43 27 Jan 2012
"I'm in charge of the herd!"
"So I heard!"
"I should be seen and not heard!"
By Inchcock at 05:06 28 Jan 2012
It's no different to here I tell yer.
It is. The grass is definitely more greener in the field over there.
I think I might need glasses mum. What field?
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:50 28 Jan 2012
Its time for battle, now defend this guild with pride and honor little cleric
just remember, NG is healed first and drop your RR's at the start of the battle
I will do my best Robbie and Carley, its time to play
By scott green at 03:24 29 Jan 2012
"At least there are no snow leopards around here to attack us!"
"No dear, and no Cheetahs to chase after us either!"
"No, but there's the farmer's son!"
By Inchcock at 05:03 29 Jan 2012
"We ought to have played in the orchestra in the Sound of Music"
"Whatever instrument could we have played?"
"The Horn perhaps?"
By Inchcock at 05:00 30 Jan 2012
OMFG!!! are we still here?
Yes dear, we are.
It's beginning to get on my goat too
By Chris James at 08:16 30 Jan 2012
"Our Delilah butted the farmer's daughter yesterday!"
"Oh, on the Horns of Delilah was she? ha ha!"
"Oh Mum! Horns of a Dilemma that should be!"
By Inchcock at 04:58 31 Jan 2012
"I work 24 hours a day protecting you and the herd from humans!"
"And I check the gates are locked, feed the kid, and give birth to them!"
"I hope they don't escape!"
By Inchcock at 12:14 01 Feb 2012
"Our Garry wants to change his name?"
"Oh, ehy is that Gary my dear?"
"Dad said 'He's going to spank me as sure as my name is Gary!"
By Inchcock at 01:37 02 Feb 2012
Look Dear, is that Newt Gingnotsorich?
I believe it is Billy.
He's not going to send you home, is he Nan?
By Exislanda at 22:06 02 Feb 2012
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Let him go!
By Ellis Ian Fields at 23:19 02 Feb 2012
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
No! We will not let him go.
By Ellis Ian Fields at 23:21 02 Feb 2012
And when she walked me home
By Ellis Ian Fields at 23:22 02 Feb 2012
"And it's good morning to you Mummy goat!"
"And it's good morning to you morning Daddy goat!"
"They farmer should never have put a TV in the barn!"
By Inchcock at 05:24 03 Feb 2012
"Are we being paid for posing in this competition?"
"We might get a penny or a 'Mark', ha ha!"
"Or a Groat?!
By Inchcock at 04:43 04 Feb 2012
"You know, we're naked on this photo, and could get arrested for pornography!"
"I suppose we could get taken to court and tried!"
"If we are, I hope try us in camera!"
By Inchcock at 03:44 05 Feb 2012
Hunny, do you see what that farmer is doing with my poker buddy?
Yeah, I sure do. Your buddy is going to be scarred for life.
Mom, dad, something about this seems so wrong, but I can't look away.
By Jack Goff at 06:20 05 Feb 2012
Fuck this my legs are killing me.
Father, such language in front of the kid indeed.
Bollocks, I'm with Dad with this one!
By williewankerandthecreamfacto at 16:38 05 Feb 2012
"The Green green grass of home is my favourite song!"
"And Blade Runner is my favourite film!"
"And that handsome brute in the next field is my favourite 'buck'! Ha ha ha!"
By Inchcock at 04:24 06 Feb 2012
"Do you think we'll be famous now we're on the internet?"
"They may make a TV series with our family starring in it?"
"They can make it in John O'Goats.. can anyone one Bleat in Scottish?"
By Inchcock at 04:11 07 Feb 2012
"Are we all frowning in this photo?!
"Naturally, a man's pointing his Canon PowerShot ELPH 510 HS 12.1 MP CM at me!"
"Canon PowerShot ELPH 510 HS 12.1 MP CM?"
By Inchcock at 05:57 08 Feb 2012
My balls are frozen it's about time we sought cover.
Stop bloody moaning and give me one that'll warm you up.
Not in front of the kid please!!!
By Herrdoktorfox at 16:52 08 Feb 2012
"We got together a couple of years ago"
"Bin doin the ZZ Top tribute stuff since"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:09 08 Feb 2012
"Junior should be a film star when he grows up!"
"Or maybe a rocket scientist?"
"Someone tell them er'te goasts [lease
By Inchcock at 03:07 09 Feb 2012
"Son, simply tell the truth. un you don't have to remember what you lied about!"
"How deep you are today by beloved, very judicious, and philosophical!"
"Am I in the right field?"
By Inchcock at 03:58 11 Feb 2012
God I'm bored
So am I
Not as bored as me. I keep clicking on Caption Competition and we are STILL here
By Chris James at 17:57 11 Feb 2012
"We're famous now, they should name this place Goatville?"
"Or Goats parliament?"
"Or Kidderminster!"
By Inchcock at 07:18 12 Feb 2012
Have you heard, Whitney Houstons dead!
I know, it's shocking really shocking.
Kevin Costner said: "What the fuck happened, I only went for a piss"
By Herrdoktorfox at 20:05 12 Feb 2012
"He's here again... Smile!"
"Just say Goats cheese!"
By Inchcock at 03:59 13 Feb 2012
Trip, trap...
...trip, trap...
...over da rickety bridge
By The Grumpy Goat at 17:35 13 Feb 2012
"I'm feeling horny Maisy!"
"I feel horny too my dear!"
"What's interesting ahead head-wear?"
By Inchcock at 03:09 14 Feb 2012
"Marliene! Will you shut up"!
"You shut! you old goat!"
"Mum, I thought you said my dad was a Ram?"
By armfeetandtoe at 14:43 14 Feb 2012
"Those humans in that car are playing our favourite song Mona!""
"They're ringing out our song of love..."
"Ah.... Ramona!"
By Inchcock at 02:52 15 Feb 2012
what is it? why is that human all night?and why are his pants pulled to 1 side?
is it a portal to another world? humanville?what is a Kurtis Blow friend request
derr its Goatface....GOD! U 2 don't no nuffin' its bear sick [add grass app].
By dr. john leslie breaknik at 05:19 15 Feb 2012
I say, is that one of those beastly aliens?
I think so Harold, trespassing on our field .. AGAIN .. do something Harold!
Mummy, Daddy, that's the one who abducted me!
By scoochydoo at 14:13 15 Feb 2012
"Why is the farmer not in this family photo?"
"He had his photo took with the sheep instead!"
"Oh... selling the photo's on was he?"
By Inchcock at 00:25 16 Feb 2012
Come on flowers. How much longer do we have to stand here waiting for them?
Not long. We'll know spring has arrived when the daffidils appear in that field
Why can't we just buy a calendar?
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:30 16 Feb 2012
Why do you keep flashing at those speeding cars son?
You poor mixed up kid!
I'm a G.A.T.S.O.speed camera!
By IN SEINE at 20:31 16 Feb 2012
That one writer wrote a bad thing about me.
Don'r let them get your goat.
Good one Mom. Baaa Snort!
By Bureau at 23:47 16 Feb 2012
Did you ever read that story, The Three Billy Goat's Gruff?
You know we can't read...
I'm a goat!
By Gregamemnon at 01:59 17 Feb 2012
Scientists out there now say we goats pick up different accents
I don't want our kid playing with that new goat Billy from London anymore
Leave it owt mum f' gawds sake. Aint nuttin' rong wiv way Billy rabbits!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:49 17 Feb 2012
God what a body that chick has, off come the panties now...oh yes, what a result
Father you must stop watching Babestation you'll go blind!
Cor, I wish I had one as long as that..yes, yes, yes talk dirty to him you bitch
By oneoffthewristhourlybygad at 16:47 17 Feb 2012
"Look how short this grass is, I blame Cameron for the lack of growth!"
"I blame Barclay's Bank!"
"Parents! don't they waffle?"
By Inchcock at 03:56 18 Feb 2012
Kim Kardashian says Khloe has the best sex life.
What's a Kardashian?
What's a sex life?
By Bureau at 14:39 18 Feb 2012
Who's the biggest goat right now?
Let me think a minute.
That would be Tom Brady!
By Bureau at 23:11 18 Feb 2012
Remember when we found that old car and ate it?
Yeah. What kind was it?
I think it was a Ford V8!
By Bureau at 00:02 19 Feb 2012
The farmer brought us another round bail of hay.
We need more than that.
Three Square meals, like everyone else.
By Bureau at 02:56 19 Feb 2012
"I see the farmer's in with the sheep again!"
"As long as he doesn't come like that in our field we'll be okay!"
"Oh... I like him!"
By Inchcock at 04:20 19 Feb 2012
It has to be. It hasn't grown one bit since we've been stood here staring at it
I say it's the real thing. It never grows much in the winter
I reckon dad's right - it isn't real grass in that field, it's astro turf
By Tommy Twinkle at 06:44 19 Feb 2012
Why do mice have such small balls?
I don't know.
Because not many of them even know how to dance?
By Bureau at 20:28 19 Feb 2012
Never get your head stuck in a can while eating.
Always chew your car parts 100 times.
Never, NEVER butt a man who just finished off some pork & beans!
By Bureau at 20:30 19 Feb 2012
We've told you before young 'un
No Butts!!!
How do those humans shit then?
By Lynton at 00:13 20 Feb 2012
"Where shall we go on holiday this year then?"
"Somewhere that we feel at home with perhaps?"
"We be best going to Butts in Devon!"
By Inchcock at 03:47 20 Feb 2012
Not, again?!
By dad at 11:54 20 Feb 2012
dont that just get your goat?
ha ha ha ha ha ha
it wasnt funny the first time
By dad at 11:56 20 Feb 2012
we're famous!
yes, we're on "the spoof"
we need a paying gig
By dad at 12:19 20 Feb 2012
British jokes don't make sense to the Americans
American jokes don't make sense to the British
Cant we all just get along?
By dad at 12:24 20 Feb 2012
I'm really horny
not tonite, dear
great! guess who's gonna wake up with a sore ass?
By dad at 12:28 20 Feb 2012
When we first met, we used to frack all the time!
oh yes, we would frack all night & all day!
yeah, but now all they do, when they walk past each other, is say "frack you!"
By dad at 12:33 20 Feb 2012
when I cant sleep, I count sheep
yes, so do I
they think, I dont know whats going on, just because they call it "counting"
By dad at 12:37 20 Feb 2012
I've never seen a u.f.o. have you?
no, I havent
thats because theyre looking for intelligent life
By dad at 12:40 20 Feb 2012
knock knock
who's there?
oh gaaaawd!
By dad at 12:41 20 Feb 2012
hi, I'm "billy"
hi, I'm "nanny"
may as well be, "eddy" & "patsy"
By dad at 12:51 20 Feb 2012
I'm "eddy"
I'm "patsy"
gaaawd, I miss "benny hill"
By dad at 12:53 20 Feb 2012
I was NOT lost!
Yes you were. You just didn't want to admit it.
His eyes were wandering and he missed the ewe turn.
By Bureau at 15:03 20 Feb 2012
So I told Fred...
Sorry to butt in but you've told this already.
Speaking of butts, I'm going to have a butt ring put in. Maybe grow a goatee.
By Bureau at 15:07 20 Feb 2012
You're not dating that unemployed so-called artist!
He's much too old for you.
If I have to, I'll sneak out and see Billy Idol when you aren't looking.
By Bureau at 15:11 20 Feb 2012
Couldn't sleep last night.
Try counting humans?
I heard him mumble '200,000,000 & one Chinese' at 3AM.
By Bureau at 15:14 20 Feb 2012
Dayuum. Check out that sexy goat.
I'd totally hit that... with a tire iron. Stop trying to cheat on me. I alre..
I hate my dysfunctional goat family.
By iKickComputers at 17:09 20 Feb 2012
I overheard the farmer say that we are valuable.
Hope it's not for food.
No, I think goat milk makes the best butter.
By Bureau at 22:11 20 Feb 2012
"Our kid could become a singer an' make us some money if he wasn't so lazy!"
"Why don't you try that my son?"
"I'm Billy Idol!"
By Inchcock at 04:33 21 Feb 2012
What did the giraff say when he entered the bar?
OK. What did he say?
He said, "Boys, the highballs are on me. Set 'em up!"
By Bureau at 17:20 21 Feb 2012
Our owner got into trouble at the zoo for feed the ducks.
What was wrong with that?
He fed them to the lions.
By Bureau at 17:29 21 Feb 2012
"Uncle Bill once ate a VHS film of 'The Sound of Music' you know?"
"Did he enjoy it?"
"Yeah, but not as much as the book!"
By Inchcock at 03:32 22 Feb 2012
Come on Jump to it we've been here a month or more!
Yes jump to it
All this jumping; is it a leap year?
By Lynton at 12:07 22 Feb 2012
"This photo will make us famous!"
"Yes, their putting on the web you know!"
"Show off's!"
By Inchcock at 05:11 23 Feb 2012
These disguises are perfect!
When the CIA sent us to Afgahnistan Ithought it would be more glamorous.
My zipper's stuck!
By David Grant at 17:39 23 Feb 2012
I hate it when I hear someone order lamb chops. That's too close to home for me.
Plus, usually it's "lean lamb chops!"
"Which way?"
By Bureau at 19:02 23 Feb 2012
"High on a hill with a lonely Goatherd..."
"Yodel de ladle yodel..."
"Gerrus off this caption please, their gerrin' on me tits now!"
By Inchcock at 04:42 24 Feb 2012
"Scientists now say baby goats can change their calls"
"Yes, depending on the group they are in, they develop localised accents!"
"No kidding?"
By Inchcock at 06:54 24 Feb 2012
Obama's taking his 15th vacation in a little over 3 years.
Can he vacation? 'Yes He Can!"
I kid you not.
By Bureau at 18:25 24 Feb 2012
Lady Gaga is running out of clever outfits.
Yes, I saw that too.
OK! OK! I'll take this goat outfit back, tomorrow. Had you fooled for awhile.
By Bureau at 18:27 24 Feb 2012
Wonder if they have a big goat show in NYC?
Just dogs, I think.
Big Goat Show? That leaves me out.
By Bureau at 18:30 24 Feb 2012
Call PETA, I'm sick of this.
Oh don't start that all over again.
But it's prejudice, Mum. The loser is always called the goat.
By Bureau at 18:32 24 Feb 2012
Stand on the other side of me, will you Charlotte?
Sure I will, Rhret...NOT!
"Goat With The Wind!, right? "I don't know nothing about birthing no babies!"
By Bureau at 18:36 24 Feb 2012
What's that big queue
For the new 'sun on Sunday'
Look at them all. Sheep the lot of em.
By radiogagger at 15:22 26 Feb 2012
I'm having an affair and I'm leaving you after this photo shoot.
I knew it! My mother warned me about goats like you.
Does this mean that I have to stay at nannies house again?
By Simon Saunders at 07:22 27 Feb 2012
We're still here and for hire come Spring.
Tired of hearing lawn mowers? We trim grass & weeds for free!
Plus free fertilizer!
By Bureau at 18:03 27 Feb 2012
"If a sheep is a ram..."
"And a mule is an ass..."
"How come a ram in the ass is a goose?"
By Inchcock at 03:16 28 Feb 2012
Sun on Sunday..what did you think of it Mother?
Not a lot really that Amanda Holden really gets my goat at the best of times.
No page 3 in 3-D well gutted.
By Herrdoktorfox at 17:21 28 Feb 2012
"Albert the Bull told me the farm has been bought-out by a Bulgarian farmer!"
"I heard from Lily the lamb the new bloke was from Wales!"
"I bet she hopes she's right!"
By Inchcock at 04:04 01 Mar 2012
Who knew thats goats could be so funny?
We should have our own website
The perhaps
By radiogagger at 16:42 01 Mar 2012
I'm the daddy goat so I get 80 characters for my bubble!
Yes dear, but I'm the mummy goat and I also get 80 characters so does baby goat
Only 80 characters per bubble? Bugger that I'm off to twitter where I get 140!
By radiogagger at 16:45 01 Mar 2012
This domain name is for sale
Silly, that was yesterdays voiceover client, today we are advertising goat milk
Honestly, I wish you'd read your schedule
By radiogagger at 16:50 01 Mar 2012
I'm sorry no photo's
You'll need to clear it with our agent first
He's a tough ne-goat-iator
By radiogagger at 16:51 01 Mar 2012
Do people actually read the caption competition?
I prefer fake celeb diaries
I prefer snippets
By radiogagger at 16:53 01 Mar 2012
We met at
And look at us now
Sign up for your 14 day free trial at
By radiogagger at 16:55 01 Mar 2012
You found us!
About time!
The next one is funnier! Just click next!
By radiogagger at 16:56 01 Mar 2012
Look we wouldn't normally ask, but times are hard
We'd really appreciate it if you could help us out, just this once
All we ask is you click 'like' below. We'll be forever in your debt.
By radiogagger at 16:57 01 Mar 2012
Hey hey were the goaties,
Always goating around, were too busy singing to put anybody down
I have no idea what those two are on about.
By radiogagger at 16:59 01 Mar 2012
Ok, get yourself a cup of tea, some biscuits or, if you prefer, a large scotch
Get a comfy armchair and a cushion
Now start reading. There are over 250 of these 'goat quotes'
By radiogagger at 17:00 01 Mar 2012
We were asked to be in the Oscar winning silent film 'The Artist' you know
Tis true, but the producers wanted us to be silent throughout the film
Our agent told them, we always speak a minimum of 80 characters per film.
By radiogagger at 17:07 01 Mar 2012
Was that Jennifer Lopez's nipple I just saw?
Was that Angelina Jolies right leg I just saw?
I wish I'd never suggested we get a tv ariel fitted in the field now
By radiogagger at 17:08 01 Mar 2012
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
Lamb chop?
Irish Stew?
By Bureau at 20:47 01 Mar 2012
Wht do you call a fish with no eye?
I give up.
A Fsh?
By Bureau at 20:48 01 Mar 2012
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.
Then you two must be rabbits.
By Bureau at 20:51 01 Mar 2012
"How come goats don't get to vote?"
"I don't know dear!"
"Cause we'd probably elect the same pigs into power.. Ha ha ha!"
By Inchcock at 04:37 02 Mar 2012
"Cows produce the best milk!"
"Ah.. but we goats make the best butters!"
"The old one's are the best!"
By Inchcock at 03:06 03 Mar 2012
That cow's got some big tits!
She's a whale!
Wonder how they taste?
By Bureau at 00:47 04 Mar 2012
I was just observing that cows have bigger tits.
You're a horny old goat!
You're both right.
By Bureau at 00:50 04 Mar 2012
Wonder why Gary Larson drew so many Cow Cartoons?
Maybe he couldn't draw goats very well.
Maybe cows are just funnier.
By Bureau at 00:52 04 Mar 2012
"I like the new farm hands, Stanislav and Vladimir !"
"Yes, I like Chygrynskiy and Grzegorz!"
"I'm a bit worried about Dad!"
By Inchcock at 03:58 04 Mar 2012
Why does everyone want to see a two-headed calf?
Where? Where's a two-headed calf?
Sigh! It takes all kines.
By Bureau at 16:09 04 Mar 2012
I miss "Beam-Me-Up Scotty" on Star Trek.
"I'm givin her all she's got, Captain!"
"Come out of that holodeck, Chekoff, afore ye ga blind!"
By Bureau at 16:12 04 Mar 2012
I hear there is going to be more "Occupying" soon.
I'm against all that picketing.
Maybe you should carry a sign!
By Bureau at 16:18 04 Mar 2012
My stomach is rumbling.
Maybe it's that newspaper you ate.
Yeah, Dad. That came from the bottom of the canary cage.
By Bureau at 16:20 04 Mar 2012
I don't trust that farmer next door.
He's always borrowing things from John & not returning them.
The kind that's always there for you when he needs something.
By Bureau at 17:10 04 Mar 2012
Enjoy your childhood, Jr.
It goes by in a blur.
I hope not. Ever see a goat wearing glasses?
By Bureau at 17:13 04 Mar 2012
Is Junior our last?
I kid you not!
By Bureau at 17:18 04 Mar 2012
Farmer John will never cheat on his wife.
Why? She's not good looking.
He does't want to lose the farm he's in love with.
By Bureau at 17:33 04 Mar 2012
I think Dr. Frankenstein should have circumcised the monster first.
Yeah, it went on a rage right after that.
You guys wouldn't let me see that part.
By Bureau at 17:49 04 Mar 2012
Farmer John says we are to be tagged!
You mean, we are to get our ears pierced?
Maybe it'll be a clip on.
By Bureau at 18:17 04 Mar 2012
If there's cutbacks, will John sell us or the cows?
I think we're safe.
Right on! We eat anything! Cows won't even eat cans.
By Bureau at 18:20 04 Mar 2012
I wrote a goat story.
Ohhh. Those are scary!
Goat Mom! Not Ghost!
By Bureau at 19:32 04 Mar 2012
I used a pen name for the story.
What is your pen name?
It's 'OK Coral'. I saw it on the front.
By Bureau at 19:33 04 Mar 2012
I went on so many blind dates before I met your mother.
He was using a white cane.
Come on Guys. Wait a minute, is Sparky a guide dog?
By Bureau at 19:36 04 Mar 2012
John's son got a big paying job at a college.
Big pay? Teaching?
Are you kidding? No pun intended. He's a football coach!
By Bureau at 20:08 04 Mar 2012
So Farmer John's son is a college football coach?
Shhh! Not too loud.
Yeah. Porky and her kids don't like the word 'p-i-g-s-k-i-n'
By Bureau at 20:11 04 Mar 2012
You mean 'pigskin' offends her?
Yes. Of course You're PROUD of "Sheepskin".
At least you die giving someone a good time.
By Bureau at 20:47 04 Mar 2012
"I'm worried about what out Billy will be when he grows up!"
"A banker, or Prime Minister perhaps? Does that appeal to you Billy?
"Mam, Dad... I'll be a goat when I grow up! Parents huh!"
By Inchcock at 03:24 05 Mar 2012
How much longer? Me back aches
My feet do
Mum, I need to do a wee-wee!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:31 05 Mar 2012
I can nurse too, you know!
I think "one" would be the total nursing.
He means a beer, Mom.
By Bureau at 17:16 05 Mar 2012
Farmer John's son is back home after college.
Neither of them look happy about it.
I heard him tell Farmer John that he had wasted 9 years of his life.
By Bureau at 17:17 05 Mar 2012
Guns don't kill people.
Neither do people kill people. It's those awful bullets that kill people.
This has been a public interest statement from The Spoof.
By Bureau at 19:31 05 Mar 2012
We have been standing here a long time.
It's our 15 days of fame.
I try to daydream but my mind keeps wandering off.
By Bureau at 19:35 05 Mar 2012
"We should sing to keep ourselves from getting bore on here!"
"We have no instruments for the music have we?"
"Be like the farmer and play with the 'hurdy' gurdy perhaps?"
By Inchcock at 03:48 06 Mar 2012
"I think this picture is beginning to fade!"
"Not surprised, it's been on the screen for so long!"
"Shhh... Mark will hear you, I like it here!"
By Inchcock at 05:02 07 Mar 2012
I wish they wouldn't keep staring at us.
Thats showbusiness for ya.
Just give em your bloody autography, they might go away.
By radiogagger at 20:47 07 Mar 2012
Wait, who is that person we're staring at?
Maybe he's a scam artist.
No, he's just interested in the increase of cooking oil prices.
By Rocko the Zen Wallaby at 03:44 08 Mar 2012
"Goodbye-ee, goodbye-ee, Wipe the tear, baby dear, from your eye-ee"
"Don't cry-ee, dont sigh-ee, there's a silver lining in the sky-ee,"
"The Fools!"
By Inchcock at 07:07 08 Mar 2012
I used to come here when it was all Ellis Ian Fields.
Yes you had a Tommy Twinkle in your eye. But only an 'inch' on your ****
Your just advertising names of spoof writers. I'm reporting you to the Burea!
By radiogagger at 14:49 08 Mar 2012
I prefer the ipad2
I prefer the ipod.
What the bloody hell are you talking about? Your goats!
By radiogagger at 14:56 08 Mar 2012
Guess why I'm smiling?
You found some more horny goat weed.
Is that where I came from?
By Bureau at 17:35 08 Mar 2012
"I see our beards have not grown in the months we've been here on the screen?"
"Just as well, we've not got any razors!"
"As I said before... the fools!"
By Inchcock at 05:38 09 Mar 2012
"I still love you sweetheart!"
"You don't bring me flowers anymore!"
"that's because she'll only eat them!"
By IN SEINE at 11:49 09 Mar 2012
"I still love you sweetheart!"
"You don't bring me flowers anymore!"
"why not send her some of those SOLAR FLARES Dad?"
By IN SEINE at 11:53 09 Mar 2012
He's back again
Why does he come here everyday?
He's just here for the writers points.
By radiogagger at 13:01 09 Mar 2012
Who's the daddy?
Well we both have beards...
I want a paternity test!
By I think I'm funny... at 22:20 09 Mar 2012
"Just look at that.. he flashed at us!"
"He's only playing with his Kodak..."
"And I get a rollicking when I only lick mine!"
By Inchcock at 03:53 10 Mar 2012
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!
Bureau must be running out, but it's not the worse one we have quoted.
By Bureau at 14:41 10 Mar 2012
Farmer John isn't sleeping with his wife.
Why, an argument?
Nope. They told him at church that you should not sleep with a married woman.
By Bureau at 14:49 10 Mar 2012
"Mother, your and my noses seem to be twitching in this photo!"
"Yes, that's because our Billy keeps keeps farting!"
"Not my fault I can't nip off for a nappy!"
By Inchcock at 07:14 11 Mar 2012
We're not really related despite what the caption bubble says
Were professional athletes you know
They're going to give us Gold silver and bronze medals any minute.
By radiogagger at 10:53 11 Mar 2012
What's the difference in the US government & the mafia?
One of them is organized.
By Bureau at 16:46 11 Mar 2012
We've been on here quite awhile!
Glad they can't see behind us.
Pile of goatshit two feet high. Let's sell it for fertilizer!
By Bureau at 16:48 11 Mar 2012
Ever hear of a goat rodeo?
No & I don't want to.
I'd like to have a crack at one of those clowns!
By Bureau at 16:49 11 Mar 2012
What's goat fencing?
Probably something we can't eat.
By Bureau at 16:51 11 Mar 2012
Don't eat goat meat, folks!
We eat all kinds of garbage.
Garbage in, garbage out!
By Bureau at 16:52 11 Mar 2012
Ohh, here comes Farmer John!
And look what he's got in his hands.
Goat Wormer! We won't even be able to scratch our asses with everyone looking!
By Bureau at 16:57 11 Mar 2012
Who's the goat god?
You mean they fried him?
By Bureau at 16:58 11 Mar 2012
After this is over, I'm ready for a vacation.
Me too. Where we going?
I love Goat Island. That little guy yelling, "The Plane! The Plane!"
By Bureau at 17:01 11 Mar 2012
There comes that Jewish guy again.
Quick! Eat a turd!
Yuck! But it means we're not kosher!
By Bureau at 17:04 11 Mar 2012
Did you like the movie "The Help"?
Nope. The book was a lot better.
Yeah. DVD's get between your teeth.
By Bureau at 19:09 11 Mar 2012
Was that serial killer called the Goat Killer?
No. That was the Zodiac Killer!
The Goat Killer was in American Grafetti! Terry The Toad, remember?
By Bureau at 00:01 12 Mar 2012
Just be patient, it'll wear off eventually.
It was stupid of us to tread on it in the first place
Strong stuff that super glue though innit!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:41 12 Mar 2012
The herdsman's wife says 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness'.
I don't mind the soapy baths, but the drying out bit hurts my neck
You were hanging by your horns on her clothes line all afternoon last week mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:09 12 Mar 2012
What a great goal!
What a great goat!
What a great goan! (someone who lives in Goa)
By radiogagger at 12:13 12 Mar 2012
Accoridng to there are only four anagrams for the word 'goat'
Toga is one of them. Go At is another.
The final two are A Tog and A Got. There. You learnt something today
By radiogagger at 12:16 12 Mar 2012
I've written my first novel.
What's it about?
He cant tell you. He's only allowed to speak once per cation.
By radiogagger at 12:17 12 Mar 2012
I'm as happy as a goat in a moat.
I'm as happy as a goat in a coat.
I'm as happy as a goat on a boat.
By radiogagger at 12:18 12 Mar 2012
"Will we be here much longer do you think?"
"We'll just have to mark time!"
"Talking of Mark..."
By Inchcock at 15:41 12 Mar 2012
"Yes but it's gonna be illegal to wear a cross in public Dear!"
"Do you like my green tattoo on my forehead that Farmer Ted gave me?"
"Shall I say goodbye now, Mummy?"
By IN SEINE at 22:44 12 Mar 2012
"Hello, hear comes the Editor, wonder what he wants?"
"He might be going to get rid of us?"
"I'm not so sure... I don't like the way he's smiling at me!"
By Inchcock at 05:04 13 Mar 2012
"How do I get those flies off my arse?"
"Use your tail"
"Did you call me Mum?"
By armfeetandtoe at 22:51 13 Mar 2012
I doubt it'll work
Well it's worth a try. Go on, tell 'em Billy
We've enjoyed being here, but we'd planned to go away for a few days at Easter
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:16 14 Mar 2012
Go on,my son, on yer ead!
Knackers, i left the oven on!!
I wanna play on my xbox, football`s boring
By Mummblyjoe at 04:17 14 Mar 2012
"Englebert isn't going to sing 'The green green grass of home' for us then?"
"Nor 'Am I that easy to forget!"
"'Please release me' would suit me!"
By Inchcock at 04:50 14 Mar 2012
Look son, there goes Grandma !
YOur dad doesn't see so well son. It's not your Grandma. It's Barbra Streisand
Where? Where? I want to see her !
By waterman at 17:32 14 Mar 2012
Just be glad we aren't sheep!
I wonder what he wants
Look Daddy - here comes Sean Penn?
By waterman at 17:34 14 Mar 2012
"I think its time we were off here and cutting back the grass!"
"I disagree, I like the fame this competition brings me!"
"Gawd heavens, they sound like Cameron and Clegg today!"
By Inchcock at 02:09 15 Mar 2012
We're still here, folks!
Letting the grass grow under our feet.
Please look away so we can graze a bit!
By Bureau at 17:44 15 Mar 2012
Yes, turn us off so we can get a bite to eat.
We're hungry.
Don't let them kid you, they're not hungry, they're horny!
By Bureau at 17:52 15 Mar 2012
The 19th of December we arrived here, it's now the 15th of March!
The good news is we don't look a day older
But I want to grow up mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:02 15 Mar 2012
"I bet Tom Jones is pissed off about Englebert singin' in the Euro thingy!"
"They tried to get Matt Monroe to sing for us you know?"
"Englebert? Tom Jones? Matt Monroe?...."
By Inchcock at 03:27 16 Mar 2012
"Do you realise that we all appeared here in January?"
"Well so what dear?"
"That us all Capricorns!"
By Inchcock at 03:32 17 Mar 2012
"Do you reallise we've been here since January?"
"Yes, Mark doesn't care about us - he just loves that owl his Mrs bought him!"
"Is that what HOOTENANNY means Mum?"
By IN SEINE at 15:15 17 Mar 2012
What did the tired chess player do?
He took the Knight off!
Wish they'd take US off!
By Bureau at 17:10 17 Mar 2012
"We've really been here too long now, the Spoofer's are losing interest!"
"Yes dear, I think I'm losing interest in the Spoofer's!"
"In the Spoofer's what Mum?!
By Inchcock at 04:00 18 Mar 2012
Jocko the Bull has died!
Number Three All-Time Breeder!
Whos gonna tell his 400,000 kids?
By Bureau at 18:46 18 Mar 2012
We are hypnogoat
By I think I'm funny... at 20:22 18 Mar 2012
I'll miss old Jocko the Breeder.
He was a legend in his time.
Till he screwed himself to death.
By Bureau at 20:31 18 Mar 2012
Man, my legs are stiff.
Thats about the only part of you that ever is!
....god, I hate it when they talk dirty!
By Herrdoktorfox at 21:03 18 Mar 2012
"While we've been here on the Spoof, the farmer has planted corn in our field!"
"I hope it is Capricorn!"
"Now we get the corny jokes!"
By Inchcock at 05:10 19 Mar 2012
We made it past St. Patrick's Day!
Usually some idiot wants to make Irish (Lamb) Stew out of us!
We're GOATS, people. We're tough and we eat metal cans.
By Bureau at 16:54 19 Mar 2012
Would you look at that big pile of snippets & jokes piled up!
He won't be able to change us any time soon.
"Oh, 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take..."
By Bureau at 16:57 19 Mar 2012
"Ten Favourite Goat Facts" is being updated then!
"Ah, Erskin is at it again!"
"I was too young to see his first effort!"
By Inchcock at 00:46 20 Mar 2012
"By the time we get off here, the farmer will have forgotten what we look like!"
"Oh, I hope not dear!"
"Well I hope he has... the pervert!"
By Inchcock at 03:33 21 Mar 2012
"If Mark doesn't get us off here soon, I'll give him a good butt when he does!"
"I'll offer him my body... for making us famous!"
"Who is this Mark?"
By Inchcock at 04:22 22 Mar 2012
"Skoob say's this picture is beginning to fade around the edges on his screen!"
"Arm wants to use it in his park race thingamajig!"
"Erskin is putting it on ebay, as an antique!
By Inchcock at 02:25 23 Mar 2012
Do you think they're ever going to get a new caption competition picture?
I have no idea, but I sure as hell am getting sick of these stupid goats.
I don't know, I kind of like all the attention. Who knows what we'll say next?
By Gregamemnon at 17:19 23 Mar 2012
I think my balls have shrivelled up Mother!
Tell me something I don't know already, oy vey!!
I think I'm going blind at the thought of it all.
By Herrdoktorfox at 20:01 23 Mar 2012
Ate some good Kentucky bluegrass yesterday.
Did it make you high?
That was a 'ringer' Mark used yesterday. Dad was Polluted!
By Bureau at 20:01 23 Mar 2012
You shouldn't use the work "Ringer".
Now everyone will know that there have been over 150 goats on here.
I'm a baaaahaaad boy!
By Bureau at 20:03 23 Mar 2012
"How much longer can we stay together in this competition?"
"Nick Clegg thinks the same thing!"
"Nick Clegg?"
By Inchcock at 07:38 24 Mar 2012
"Farmer Giles' has been refused permission for a wind farm in his field!"
"With you two we don't need one in our field!"
By Inchcock at 04:19 25 Mar 2012
I wonder what he wants it for. Farmer Giles just said to ask his wife for one.
But we asked her ages ago, where's she got to for heaven's sake?
Mr Giles said to ask Mrs Giles for a long stand!
By Tommy Twinkle at 08:30 25 Mar 2012
I'm getting thirsty
I'm getting hungry
I'm getting bored!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:03 25 Mar 2012
I wonder what's been happening in the village
I wonder what's been happening over that hill
I'd like to know what's been happening in the field behind us since December!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:12 25 Mar 2012
I wonder why we each have five legs
We don't dear, a goat has six legs
We're goats, we know how to eat, gottit!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:24 25 Mar 2012
I have nothing more to say
Cat got your tongue?
No he sold it on ebay to cash in on his recent spoof fame
By radiogagger at 17:50 25 Mar 2012
Do you two fancy a game of Three person chess?
Three person chess! How does that work?
If your a fan of The Big Bang Theory you wouldn't need to ask!
By radiogagger at 17:52 25 Mar 2012
"Now we're famous, they could print this picture in the Farmers Weekly magazine!
"In the agony column! Wife goat bemoans lack of husband's marital activity!"
"Oh Mother...!"
By Inchcock at 04:11 26 Mar 2012
Must be a big meal, but 250000 grand for dinner with Mr Cameron does seem pricey
I feel sorry for his wife having to do all that cooking
Think of all those piles of chips though - with lots of ketchup!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:41 26 Mar 2012
"This picture is changing!"
"Oh dear, a Dorian Gray situation?"
"No, over the months I've started to grow horns!"!"
By Inchcock at 03:14 27 Mar 2012
I can't believe they moved without telling us!
Yeah, Mabel still had my cottage cheese maker!
I just want my game boy back. Baaaaaah!!
By Susie Quimby at 07:59 27 Mar 2012
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... just like the ones we used to know... w...
"Ah distant memories father!"
"When we first come on 'ere wonnit?"
By Inchcock at 02:43 28 Mar 2012
My feet are aching. If this goes on much longer I'm calling for strike action.
What kind of strike action? There's no way I'm going on a hunger strike.
I think dad means a sit-down strike!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:54 28 Mar 2012
Our kid wants to know why we have horns
They're for having fun swinging about on Billy.They're sky hooks.
Oh, I'll ask me teacher at school tommorowl!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:38 28 Mar 2012
Honestly, I didn't do anything!
Yes you did, just because you're getting bored. Leave him be.
He keeps tickling my ear with his beard mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:50 28 Mar 2012
"If I have to stand here much longer, I'm going to sue 'em if my bladder blows"
"Sue The Spoof you mean? Animal cruelty?"
"As long as they don't hold the trial in camera!"
By Inchcock at 04:05 29 Mar 2012
it aint what you do...
its the way that you do it...
and that's what gets results!
By radiogagger at 06:58 29 Mar 2012
I guess our five minutes of fame in front of the camera will soon be over
Yes, and it's only fair we give each of the other goat families a turn.
The Smiths, the Browns, the Turpins, the Colemans, the Coopers, the.....
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:30 29 Mar 2012
As soon as we are done here, I am going to help mother goat with the "dishes"
Great! Its been such a long time since we have "washed dishes together". YAY!
Just make sure this time you don't serve the Lamb AFTER you "Wash the dishes".
By Aakash at 14:57 29 Mar 2012
"Blimey, we're still here! I'm going to complain!"
"Now then dear, let's not upset Mark!"
"Goat fer it Dad!"
By Inchcock at 05:07 30 Mar 2012
i hear Burea - one of the spoofs star writers - has a bad back
Get well soon Burea, and best wishes to inchcock whose off to hospital as well
Blimey are there any writers left? Looks like we might have to get our pens out
By radiogagger at 11:00 30 Mar 2012
Mark has totally tagged us wrong.
I know, we aren't even related.
Quiet, don't blow the cover you guys. Maybe later we can have a threesome!
By Aakash at 11:05 30 Mar 2012
These hats the herdsman got for us are useless.
It was very thoughtful of him, but they are a bit on the small size.
My one stops a few raindrops from hitting my ear mum, but that's about all!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:16 30 Mar 2012
Right, after three - one, two, three. WE WANT FOOD! WE WANT FOOD! WE WANT FOOD!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:28 30 Mar 2012
This one only works if you read Baby first...
... specially if you won't stick to the script, 'cos now it's meaningless!
Can I have Paul Weller's new album please?
By Ellis Ian Fields at 23:00 30 Mar 2012
"I see George Galloway won the Bradford by-election by a mile!"
"Yes, and Cameron got away with putting 20% VAT on hot food!"
"How the 'eck do they find these things out?"
By Inchcock at 05:52 31 Mar 2012
I don't suppose we'll ever know for sure whether Mr Cameron did eat that pasty
What did herdsman John say when you asked him Billy?
He said if he says he did then he didn't, and if he says he didn't then he did!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:41 31 Mar 2012
Mr Cameron hasn't eaten a pasty since 2007
No dear, he ate a large pasty he bought more recently but it was made in 2007
He said it tasted very good mum. Mum, why does Mr Cameron like stale pasties?
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:03 31 Mar 2012
If he'll lie about a pasty then he'll lie about anything
Yep, now they say he can't remember exactly when he ate the pasty
Nanny says liars need good memories mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:19 31 Mar 2012
Panic at the petrol pumps
Pasty tax
Pisspoor government. See what we did there?
By radiogagger at 20:44 31 Mar 2012
"We might get on TV next... farming today perhaps?"
"Oh no, let's go for something exciting like Animal Farm?"
"Shame they don't make Batman nowadays... we could have been in Goatham City!"
By Inchcock at 03:53 01 Apr 2012
By IN SEINE at 07:29 01 Apr 2012
Mildred, I thought the newspaper job ad was for three temporary jobs
No dear, it clearly stated vacancies for three permanent positions
Now she tells us!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:19 01 Apr 2012
"Oscar Wilde would be proud of us!"
"Ah, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, that was 103 years ago!"
"Hang on Mum!"
By Inchcock at 04:10 02 Apr 2012
Give me strength, six bleedin' months!
Still two more days to go yet dear.
As you can see by the expressions on our faces, we're getting very excited!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:09 02 Apr 2012
At least the grass will be growing now it's spring
It will still be August before we have something to eat
It should reach my mouth by about the end of June mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:36 02 Apr 2012
it may be called a caption competiton but we've been here ages - i feel captured
and your only allowed to add captions of 80 characters...
so really it is a capped caption competiton
By radiogagger at 13:33 02 Apr 2012
You've been watching us for months now!
Now it's OUR turn to watch you!
Yeah - were the GCHQ Goat Central Headquarters
By IN SEINE at 14:46 02 Apr 2012
The herdsman said he's going to go back to using your horns
But it's windy standing up there on the farmhouse roof with wires on my horns
He reckons analogue is more reliable, his digital TV picture keeps freezing
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:32 02 Apr 2012
Kylie sweetheart, move a bit more in, mummy's bubble is covering your face
Daddy says move in a bit Kylie, the people are only seeing the top of a horn
My little sister Kylie is very camera shy
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:29 02 Apr 2012
"I blame Mark for our incarceration in this caption competition!"
"No no dear, we must blame farmer Giles for allowing it!"
"I blame John Strognofe who invented the first portable camera in 1685!"
By Inchcock at 03:47 03 Apr 2012
"We've been here so long my bladder is about to burst!"
"And my milk is going sour!"
"Is it any wonder we're all pissed off?!
By Inchcock at 23:13 03 Apr 2012
Young Lowton has an unhealthy fixation with goats!
Yeaaah...he's a GOATOPHILE!
Mum,he needs to see a psycholgist.....oh I forgot, he IS one (who likes goats)
By IN SEINE at 12:15 04 Apr 2012
He's been standing across the road by that post for months.
He stares along the road, looks at his wristwatch, then he starts tutting.
Then he shrugs his shoulders, calls out 'hourly' , then angrily shakes his head
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:51 04 Apr 2012
"I think when he said Smile, we were doomed to stay here a good while!"
"Doesn't the idiot know goats can't smile, it stand out a mile!"
"Gawd heavens... poetry now....Please set us free!
By Inchcock at 02:16 05 Apr 2012
"When was the last time a human spoke to us?"
"Last December!"
"Oh yes... he said 'Smile, hold it' That twit with the camera wasn't it!"
By Inchcock at 03:52 06 Apr 2012
Happy Friday!
No silly its Good Friday!
Oi! Where's my easter egg! Call yourself good parents, im calling Esther Rantzen
By radiogagger at 09:24 06 Apr 2012
Well if were stuck here for a while we may as well have a sing song
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard... My milkshake brings all the...
They got him on milk and alcohol - They got him on milk and alcohol, they got...
By radiogagger at 09:30 06 Apr 2012
Any plans for the weekend?
Was planning to stay here in the field, avoid all the easter getaway traffic
Brilliant, been stuck here for christmas, new year, and now easter
By radiogagger at 09:32 06 Apr 2012
I feel horny!
I'm sorry but I won't be ewes'd for your gruffification
Come on Mum, you're an animal.
By Jimbo123 at 12:03 06 Apr 2012
"Do you think we might get a 'Lifetime Achievement Award' for this marathon?!
"If we live long enough to get to the end of the competition we may!"
"I'm too young to die!.... well I was when the competition started anyway!"
By Inchcock at 04:53 07 Apr 2012
Keep practising these poses for the Olympics.
Gold Silver and Bronze medal positions?
Just hope 'Goats Staring' is made an Olympic sport!
By radiogagger at 11:55 07 Apr 2012
Goat News! I mean Good News! The editor says we can go soon
That's good, I'm booked in at the beauty clinic on the high street for wednesday
Don't count your Goats, I mean chickens. He'll never let us goat, I mean go.
By radiogagger at 11:57 07 Apr 2012
"? And now, the end is near, and so we face, the final curtain...."
"God, he's singing Sinartra's 'My Way now'!"
"I just want to get away!"
By Inchcock at 02:04 08 Apr 2012
We're famous, we've got work experience behind us, let's apply for another job.
The problem is that we've now become far too over qualified for most jobs
Let's try Madam Tussauds!
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:12 08 Apr 2012
Happy Easter
Happy Eater!
I prefer Little Chef...
By radiogagger at 16:19 08 Apr 2012
Nothing exciting ever happens in this field, like a half naked Rihanna video
You should be so lucky
Thank god I brought my iPad with...
By radiogagger at 16:21 08 Apr 2012
The Boat race, The Grand National, The World Snooker, the golf
We gonna miss them all stuck in this field.
Lucky i brought my iPad
By radiogagger at 16:23 08 Apr 2012
"How much longer must we survive in this caption?"
"And I might miss the Local Erections!"
"No mum... that should be Local 'Elections'.... or should it?"
By Inchcock at 02:08 09 Apr 2012
"And now, the end is near..."
"Do you think so Frank?"
"Buggered if I do... oops!"
By Inchcock at 23:48 09 Apr 2012
Why are these people staring at us?
I don't know. Try not to move. They can probably sense fear.
I'm scared momma!
By mcjlsat at 00:56 11 Apr 2012
"The stretchmarks on my neck have got worse you know?"
"And my forehead furrow is more furrowed!"
"That's just rigamortis setting in!"
By Inchcock at 03:09 11 Apr 2012
"Cruelty to goats and Spoofers, us having been on here too long!"
"I'll complain to the Coalition Government!"
"We'll probably outlive them though!"
By Inchcock at 02:35 12 Apr 2012
So that was Easter
And now to Aintree
For The 'goat National' i mean Grand
By radiogagger at 09:45 12 Apr 2012
"The radiogagger has come up with some good captions ain't he?"
"We'll all be going gaga if we stay here much longer!"
Gaga? That's like irrational, mentally confused, senile... oh I see!"
By Inchcock at 04:39 13 Apr 2012
How much longer are we to stay in this scene?"
Yes, it's cruel and Obscene!"
"Well it's definitely hircine!"
By Inchcock at 01:09 14 Apr 2012
According to the metro newspaper Tulisa has fallen in love with a baby goat
The one in her music video? I just hope a sex tape of the two doesn't emerge
Some baby goats get all the luck!
By radiogagger at 09:55 14 Apr 2012
Honestly, I've been stood still here since I don't remember when.
I blame Mr Cameron myself, if it were not for his bloody cutbacks we'd be gone
Me personally myself rather fancies that mad fucker, Boris for Mayor
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:20 14 Apr 2012
"We're still here Mum!"
"Yes dear, so we are!"
"What a bloomin' life!"
By Inchcock at 04:07 15 Apr 2012
"We're still here Mum!"
"Obviously, Dad -you have amazing powers of observation!"
"He's training to be a Rocket Scientist!"
By IN SEINE at 10:49 15 Apr 2012
What is MORE likely to happen BEFORE we come off here?
The US pull out of Afghanistan
Hell freezes over!
By IN SEINE at 10:55 15 Apr 2012
What is MORE likely to happen BEFORE we come off here?
David Cameron tells the truth!
I will have GrandKIDS of my own!
By IN SEINE at 11:03 15 Apr 2012
"That sign on the side of bus is mispelt!"
"Somme people are gay, get over it!"
"yer mean they missed out letters O & T...Some people are gOaTy, get over it!"
By IN SEINE at 15:39 15 Apr 2012
i hear the spoof website was down for maintainence this morning
i wish they told us i could have gone to the hairdressers!
i think the editor has forgotten us!
By radiogagger at 14:32 16 Apr 2012
"Have you noticed how thin I've been getting?"
"Yes, just look at your scraggy neck!"
"Nor surprising, we haven't haven't had a meal break since last December!"
By Inchcock at 15:00 16 Apr 2012
"You got any milk Marlene?"
"Are taking the piss"
"Can I have a yogert?"
By armfeetandtoe at 15:44 16 Apr 2012
"I thought I'd gone blind the other day!"
"I thought they'd updated the competition!"
"No it was just another outage!"
By Inchcock at 03:37 17 Apr 2012
I think i might ring in sick tomorrow
Typical shirker! Although we do deserve a day off.
I wish we'd ask for a daily rate when rather than lump sum when we signed up.
By radiogagger at 14:08 17 Apr 2012
Outage!!! Outage!!! Outage!!! That's a BIG word for a little KID innit?
If I was into anagrams you would be an...
By IN SEINE at 21:49 17 Apr 2012
"How old do goats live to?"
"I don't know dear!"
"As long as this competition I hope... but it might be close!"
By Inchcock at 23:31 17 Apr 2012
I think i might ring in sick tomorrow
You said that two days ago!
Face it Dad.... You ARE sick... get over it!
By IN SEINE at 08:28 18 Apr 2012
I think i might ring in sick tomorrow
I think I might ring in sick tomorrow too.
Wow it's contagious - I might do the same.
By IN SEINE at 08:33 18 Apr 2012
2."Who's there?"
3. Who's there?"
1. "Knock, knock!!!!" 4."I just said... it's Marcel Marceau!"
By IN SEINE at 18:37 18 Apr 2012
"Blimey Mother, we've been here in this box for a long time now ain't we!"
"I wonder if much has changed out there during our incarceration here?"
"Muggers get shorter sentences than this!"
By Inchcock at 01:42 19 Apr 2012
I'm NOT gay, get over it!
Shouldn't that be GOAT over it?
Mum, Dad what's gay mean?
By IN SEINE at 15:38 19 Apr 2012
"Who is that drunken goat over there?"
"That's Billy, he proposed to me years ago and I rejected him!"
"Oh Mother!"
By Inchcock at 23:18 19 Apr 2012
"Listen, please don't have a GO-AT me!"
"I'm not having a GO-AT you darling!"
"This is what I call the nanny state - everyone has a GO-AT each other!"
By IN SEINE at 13:55 20 Apr 2012
"Who's John, is he the farmer or the photographer?"
"Whatever he is, just call him JOHN-O-GOATS!"
By IN SEINE at 14:02 20 Apr 2012
"We're still here in this damned landscape!"
"It's nothing more than animal rape!"
"What can we do, we can't escape - Blimey, we're communicating in rhyme now!"
By Inchcock at 05:13 21 Apr 2012
"Does Mark make any profit out of this competition?"
"Don't think so, but he'll be able to sell this photo as an antique soon!"
By Inchcock at 06:49 22 Apr 2012
"I'm glad all the centenary celebrations for the Titanic are over!"
"Me too... Titanic this, Titanic that! Humans do the strangest things!"
"Whatever floats your goat, err....I mean boat!"
By IN SEINE at 12:04 22 Apr 2012
"Whoever that bloke was who took this photo, he made a good job of it you know!"
"Yes, and with his Kodak box camera too!"
"It wasn't that long ago mother.. was it?"
By Inchcock at 05:10 23 Apr 2012
"You know that we have not been paid for this marathon stay!"
"No, artists are not famous until they die you know!"
"But how many have died on the web like wot we will do?"
By Inchcock at 03:37 24 Apr 2012
i could be at home watching the snooker.
you should have bought an iphone instead of that cheap nokia 3310.
in hot weather they should play snooker outside - we have space in this field!
By radiogagger at 08:06 24 Apr 2012
"Think we'll get a pension when they release us from this competition?"
"We'll probably be too old to enjoy it by then!"
"I'll be so old, I'll miss me childhood!"
By Inchcock at 05:43 25 Apr 2012
"I've just had a terrible thought... what if Mark Lowton has died?"
"We'd be here for ever!"
"This is a CGI image - (Cruelty to Goats Incident)
By IN SEINE at 09:27 25 Apr 2012
"I've just had a terrible thought... what if Mark Lowton has died?"
"If he has we can't go to his funeral, because we're stuck here!"
"You and your dreams Dad!"
By IN SEINE at 09:41 25 Apr 2012
"Why have we only had 454 competition entries after all this time?"
"The Meerkats got 1,579 entrys in far less time!"
"Ah, but they are cuddly... we ain't!"
By Inchcock at 04:41 26 Apr 2012
I'm fed up. Let's play I-wish-I-spied-with-a-goat's-eye. You can go first dear.
Okay darling. I-wish-I-spied-with-a-goat's-eye someone beginning with M
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:29 28 Apr 2012
"We're still waitin' to be fed this month!"
"They promised us some eating apples!"
"Winter Pearmains I bet!"
By Inchcock at 23:47 28 Apr 2012
"We could represent the UK in the Euro Caption Competition!"
"75 year-old Engelbert's 'Love will set you free' is an inspiration innit!"
By Inchcock at 01:32 30 Apr 2012
I dont want to leave, I want to stay in NC with my Rasta Dog
JC Teeeeedddd !!! Don't shoot me
I cant believe you lost your bells, were you drunk again ?
By Ted at 11:23 01 May 2012
They're talking about us in the forums.
Makes a change from all the moaning about ACRONYMS.
Mummy, whats an ACRONYM?
By radiogagger at 15:59 01 May 2012
"I've only just noticed... is that a goats horn in the background behind Billy?"
"I hope so!"
"So do I!"
By Inchcock at 16:30 01 May 2012
I don't want to leave NC, I want to stay with my Rasta Dog
JC TEEEEEDDD ! Dont shoot me
I can't believe you two lost your bells. Were you drunk again ?
By ted at 01:39 02 May 2012
I dont want to leave NC, I want to stay with my Rasta Dog
JC Teeeeeeeedd, don't shoot me !!!
I cant believe you two lost your bells, were you drunk again ?
By ted at 01:41 02 May 2012
I don't want to leave NC, I want to stay with my Rasta Dog
JC Teeeeeddddd ! Dont shoot me
JC, you two lost your bells, were you drunk again ?
By ted at 01:51 02 May 2012
"What we do next when leaving here is a source of great apprehension!"
"Why leave us so long? That's my contention?"
"Well I'll be old enough to collect me pension!"
By Inchcock at 04:49 02 May 2012
"Another day ... I see we're still here again!""
"Oh dear yes, this is such a pain"
"The novelty is beginning to wane! - oh dear we're talking in rhyme again!"
By Inchcock at 02:57 03 May 2012
"I'm fed up with this bloody competition caption!"
"Me too dear!"
"How do you think the Spoofers like it?"
By Inchcock at 04:51 04 May 2012
It'squite simple... we just say nothing for a week
You mean deny us the oxygen of publicity?
So can I call the strike from Monday?
By IN SEINE at 08:48 04 May 2012
Yeah GOAT for it kid!
Yes Baby!
OK the first one to comment from Monday is a SCAB!!!!
By IN SEINE at 08:53 04 May 2012
I dont want to leave NC, I want to stay with my Rasta Dog
JC Teeeeddd ! Dont shoot me !!!!!
I can't believe you two lost your bells, were you drink again
By Ted at 14:20 04 May 2012
"I think the interest in this caption competition is waning now!"
"We need fresh stimulus!"
"Bring on Cameron, that should get the Spoofer's going!"
By Inchcock at 05:43 05 May 2012
"I see Boris beat Red Ken to keep his Mayor of London's job!"
"Ken just might get the job back in the 2014 elections!"
"Un we just might still be here to see it too!"
By Inchcock at 05:53 06 May 2012
"Is it true there's a new spoofwriter called 12 inchcock?
"I don't really know, but I would like to meet him"
"It's true... he's a bit like inchcock, only he's always putting his foot in it!
By IN SEINE at 10:43 06 May 2012
What's the difference between David Cameron and Mark Lowton?
None... neither of them listen to us!!!!
We DEMAND a referendum... or we strike tomorrow
By IN SEINE at 10:52 06 May 2012
snooker loopy nuts are we, me and him and them and me
we'll show you what we can do with a load of balls and a snooker cue
we're all snooker ..... LOOPY!
By radiogagger at 13:19 07 May 2012
What can we do to get our popularity back?
What about asking Boris?
Those Russians could help
By j.w. at 16:01 07 May 2012
There must be something we can do to get chucked off of this.
Perhaps if we start swearing.
Next suggestion!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:12 07 May 2012
"Perhaps we could insult Mark? That might get us off?"
"Talk about Mark time! Mark can be heartless to goats and Spoofers!"
"Who's Mark?"
By Inchcock at 05:05 08 May 2012
"Goodbye, goodbye, we?re leaving you, skiddlydye"
"Goodbye, we wish a fond goodbye, fa-ta-ta-ta-ta, fa-ta-ta-ta"
"Day dreaming parents! So sad!"
By Inchcock at 04:04 09 May 2012
Shut up, Junior!
Junior, behave!
Dad, your goatee smells funny!
By raburcke at 04:11 09 May 2012
Jasus H Christ, we've been here longer than the bloody coalition Government!
Tell me about it, my fannys healed up!
That Ed Balls has a nice pair don't you think?
By Herrdoktorfox at 14:42 09 May 2012
"Being stuck here so long, is becoming a pain!"
"If we stay here much longer, we'll go insane!"
"We'll never get in the food chain!", now, we're talking in rhyme again!
By Inchcock at 04:29 10 May 2012
Did you hear about Bin Laden
Yeah i know. I can not belive that they killed him.
By JalStuttgart at 07:04 10 May 2012
Don't ask, Son!
Mummy, what's a taxidermist?
By raburcke at 22:38 10 May 2012
"Okay, I give up, we'll just have to wait here then!"
"We've no choice dear, we've begged to be released and been ignored!"
"Yer... we've been framed!"
By Inchcock at 04:26 11 May 2012
"In the name of humanity, I hope the Coalition don't last as long as we have!
"The Lib-Dems probably won't dear!"
"It's really getting to Mum and Dad now... help!"
By Inchcock at 04:56 12 May 2012
Why is that photographer lying on the ground like that?
He's after an artistic angle I think. But he's got no chance.
I hate Penthouse shoots!
By whatinthe world at 12:52 12 May 2012
Look, if Rupert Murdoch can manipulate power in this country then I'm a gonna.
I say we jail all media employees and let the state run the whole damn thing.
I'm sorry I can't read that cue card.
By whatinthe world at 12:59 12 May 2012
The boys want me to audition for The Voice. What do you think?
Naaaaa, you'll never maaaaake it!
Dad thinks he's Tom Jones but he's really more like Naaaanaa Maskouri.
By whatinthe world at 13:07 12 May 2012
"Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.." What a great song!
"Bang on the pipes if the answer is no" Such memories that elicits. Ahhh!
Hey guys, just remember, we're GOATS. Oh by the way where's my milk bottle?
By whatinthe world at 13:15 12 May 2012
Obama says he favours gay marriage. Does that include consenting billy goats?
Are you trying to tell me something? Bisexual freak!
Look, I just live here. It's not complicated.
By whatinthe world at 13:20 12 May 2012
I can't stand this for much longer - I'm getting cramp in one of my legs
Let's commit a bad crime so a judge will sentence us to a nice long stretch
I'm hungry. Let's do something really bad so he'll give us lots of porridge.
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:12 12 May 2012
I'm turning into a skeleton!
My milk has curdled, I think!
I could have had grandchildren myself by now!
By raburcke at 00:44 13 May 2012
"Baked beans were 18p a tin @ Lidl when we came on here!"
"Yesterday, they were selling for 30p a tin @ Lidl in Nottingham!"
"I'll soon be old enough to apply for a credit card so I can buy some!"
By Inchcock at 01:57 13 May 2012
"I often wonder if farmer Giles is keeping well while we're on here?"
"I remember when he used to come and cuddle up with us on the cold mornings!"
"Blimey... that was the farmer was it? Oh dear!"
By Inchcock at 04:08 14 May 2012
We've been here a very long time. Who won the football yesterday?
Never mind the football, who won the snooker?
Never mind the football and the snooker, when are you going to feed me?
By radiogagger at 12:48 14 May 2012
"Swing low sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home".
Don't be so depressing. Nobody is going to eat us, are they?
Why does that cloaked figure in black approach with a scythe?
By whatinthe world at 14:12 14 May 2012
I remember when Margaret Thatcher came to see us all those years ago.
Did she bring Dennis? You know the geeky guy who never stopped smiling.
You're getting sleepy, very sleepy. Look into my eyes.
By whatinthe world at 14:17 14 May 2012
"I can remember when Sir David Attenborough was a kid!"
"He's always been an old goat!"
"You mean to say he's one of us?"
By IN SEINE at 16:15 14 May 2012
We've been here for ages
Not ages dear. We're still in Pisces but it will soon be the age of Aquarius
As we're goats perhaps Mark wants us to stay here for the age of Capricorn mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:32 14 May 2012
"I wish they would have provided us with some music while wait for freedom!"
"A nice bit of dance music would have been nice!"
"Yes.. then we could Mark time!"
By Inchcock at 05:44 15 May 2012
"I hope this 500th caption entry means we'll be set free soon!"
"Well we can only hope and pray!"
"It's not even a funny one! The Spoofers are getting as desperate as we are!"
By Inchcock at 23:10 15 May 2012
Be patient, by next month lots of flowers will be in bloom
I don't want to stand here admiring pretty flowers, I want something to eat!
What dad means is some passing pollen might blow our way to eat , or the odd bee
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:05 16 May 2012
I have to admit becoming famous celebrities is harder than I thought
Give it time dear, give it time.
Here comes the postman now. Perhaps there'll be some fan mail for us today.
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:12 16 May 2012
I'm a bit worried this beard makes me look like Jimmy Boyle
No Dear, yours is a gottee
I think he looks more like Mum bending over...
By asphyxiation at 16:43 16 May 2012
Are you still feeling self-conscious?
Little bit, people keep staring at me.
And I have to spend my formative years knowing my mum is a bearded lady.
By Oneangelus at 18:01 16 May 2012
Let's go for it, Son!
Yeah, kick some ass!
Dad, shall we go headbutt some spoofers?
By raburcke at 00:59 17 May 2012
"I don't know how much longer we can keep up this smiling lark?"
"Just do your best dear!"
"We're smiling?"
By Inchcock at 03:38 17 May 2012
"Who's top of the hit parade nowadays then"
"No idea, who was top when we first came on this competition?"
"Elvis wasn't it?"
By Inchcock at 01:14 18 May 2012
60 years on the throne - well done to Queen Elizabeth.
Seems like we've been here 60 years as well!
I thought Elton John was the Queen of England?
By radiogagger at 15:47 18 May 2012
"Who was that load of humans who came to see us then?"
"Spoofer's that was, they came to see us real life!"
"God the're old, they must remember us coming on this competition!"
By Inchcock at 05:51 19 May 2012
Don't move son.
Stay absolutely still our kid
Is it another wasp mum?
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:58 19 May 2012
"I bet Mark is a Tory, that's why we're still here..."
"Ah yes dear, he's increased our retirement age you mean?"
"I Hope he doesn't put VAT on goat milk yoghurt!"
By Inchcock at 04:10 20 May 2012
"I'm concerned about the... er what day is it?"
"Monday dear... or tea bags?"
"It's old age you know, poor buggers have been here so long!"
By Inchcock at 00:17 21 May 2012
"When did we first start this 'Occupy the Caption Competition' lark?
"We didn't, we only came on to pose for a photograph!"
"Oh, they had camera's back then did they?"
By Inchcock at 04:24 22 May 2012
It feels warmer today.
It won't last, it's just the heat from the flame.
The Olympic flame bearer runs through this area today!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:53 22 May 2012
Jedward have qualified for the Eurovision Song Contest Final
Thats right - they made it through in the second of three semi-finals.
Mummy - why does the Eurovision have 3 semi-finals and the FA Cup have only 2?
By radiogagger at 13:12 23 May 2012
We've been asked Kurt Warner to relocate to St. Louis
We're on Catholic sweetie pie
Am I gonna be eaten as an appetizer by the Popa.
By David Gordy at 21:47 24 May 2012
Kurt Warner said we'd feel at home in St. Louis.
Why go to a Catholic community?
My friends said Catholics like us for our milk and meat.
By David Gordy at 21:50 24 May 2012
Oh look, they're painting a cycling lane along that road there.
People are so green nowadays another one will soon be added with their paint
Yeah, a recycling lane!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:06 26 May 2012
It's our annual fancy dress ball tonight. I'm going as a jockey - Lester Piggoat
I'm dressing up as the ballerina - Margoat Fonteyn
And I'm going as 'Rick' from the film 'Casablanca' played by Humphrey Bogoat!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:19 26 May 2012
At least we can dream to help pass the time away
Last night I had a lovely dream where I was running around our field
Mine was a nightmare - I dreamed I was standing here staring at that camera!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:57 27 May 2012
Lady Gaga has been banned in Indonesia, not before time I reckon.
I hear she bathes in warm goat's milk every morning.
Look can we discuss something more omnipresent, like the Greek debt crisis?
By whatinthe world at 06:38 28 May 2012
My accountant advises me that the net assets ratio is increasing.
Does that mean we can afford to go into deficit in the next trimester?
One thing I can't stand is unbridled aspiration.
By whatinthe world at 06:43 28 May 2012
Look, its so simple! Nine into twenty seven goes three times.
The calculation you use should be binumeral, but you won't listen.
Thye're getting on my goat!
By whatinthe world at 06:48 28 May 2012
So this giraffe walks into a bar....
Not this one again! You've only told this a hundred times.
"High on the hill stood a lonely goatherd..."
By whatinthe world at 06:53 28 May 2012
By gum, I think I can see Russia from here.
Stanley, may I remind you we're in New Zealand.
I need to pee.
By whatinthe world at 06:16 29 May 2012
Right now pot noodle is going for half price at your local supermarket.
Your local Boots store has all right reasons to shop there.
What?!! Now we're a bleedin' advertorial!
By whatinthe world at 06:32 29 May 2012
Who are these alien beings with cameras?
They're just taking shots for a magazine article on animal abuse.
Do you want to hear me sing "Land of my fathers"?
By whatinthe world at 06:44 29 May 2012
So, in a nutshell, the empirical idea is that economic rationalism is dead.
This new learning is amazing. So how does an aeroplane get off the ground?
I just wanna screw that female goat next door.
By whatinthe world at 13:06 29 May 2012
Is that Lady Gaga walking by?
Naa... wait, you might be right. Yes, it is her!
See what I have to put up with. Misplaced parental responsibility.
By whatinthe world at 13:16 29 May 2012
The RSPCA want me to be an ambassador for mental health.
Are they mad? You've got multiple personality disorder.
I'm the new Doctor Who.
By whatinthe world at 13:23 29 May 2012
"But I...can' in love....with you"
Oh dreamboat, you're so romantic. But I don't like Elvis I'm afraid.
Who's KIDDING who? You be the judge.
By whatinthe world at 11:37 30 May 2012
Don't be a sissy son. They can't outstare us.
Don't let your mum and dad down now Billy
I can't help it mum, my legs feel all wobbly. I think I'm gonna fall over
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:46 30 May 2012
I am Sparticus!
No, I am Sparticus!
Turned out nice again, in't it?
By Duff at 15:19 30 May 2012
I've Broken the Ministerial Code
You are clever
My Daddy's broken the Ministerial Code!
By j.w. at 17:13 04 Jun 2012
Everyone's commenting on how long the Queen has been standing for the pageant.
90 minutes I believe
Yeah and thanks to 'Lord Lowton' we been standing here for 6 whole months!
By IN SEINE at 10:21 05 Jun 2012
I think we should receive this years' Nobel Prize!
What for?
Being OUTSTANDING in our field?
By IN SEINE at 10:27 05 Jun 2012
I hope Prince Philip makes a full recovery
So do I , what do you think KIDDO?
That means if the bladder infection comes back, there will be no more Royal WEE!
By IN SEINE at 20:07 06 Jun 2012
"Maude, are sure Mark has not forgotten us?"
"He needs my milk for his cheese"
"Really gets my goat the way you two go on"
By armfeetandtoe at 16:56 08 Jun 2012
That's a very boring movie we're watching through the farmhouse window on TV
I know, they've been embracing for months, but I don't want to miss the end
I wonder if the picture's frozen!
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:22 10 Jun 2012
My Godfather used to be the boss of New York City.
His name was Don
No mum, he was known as Teflon Don, but his real name was John, John Goatti!
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:58 10 Jun 2012
One day I wanna be famous.
You are now. You're on The Spoof, silly!
Look out Justin Bieber!
By whatinthe world at 07:31 11 Jun 2012
I must be getting old and losing my memory. What did we do last Monday?
Don't ask me, I can't remember yesterday. This is fun though, Just enjoy today.
I wish I was old!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:12 11 Jun 2012
"Look you daft cow! I have spoken to Mark.
"So when is going to milk us then?
By armfeetandtoe at 13:27 12 Jun 2012
"Er, that's not Wayne Rooney hiding under that bridge down there is it?"
"No dear, it's just a troll..."
"Thank God! Let's go and eat all that juicy grass on the other side then..."
By Matt Jenkins at 15:36 13 Jun 2012
More rain coming, there's a big black cloud over there.
I wish they'd stop playing with that HARP
I think I just heard Keith Moon on his drums, mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:47 15 Jun 2012
I've just heard the news. The hosepipe ban is over.
What a relief
Can I have a wee-wee now mum?
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:35 15 Jun 2012
Our kid was made a prefect at school today. He's wearing the badge on his ear
Have all your classmates been congratulating you at school today Billy.
Not sure mum. Mum, what does bossy boots mean?
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:00 16 Jun 2012
It's really cold outside. Are you cold honey?
Freezing. My goatee is half the size of yours.
I haven't even hit puberty.
By AndreaNadia at 04:38 20 Jun 2012
Why is that man leaning over that woman's behind. Why is he going back and forth
Some sort of dance maybe. Junior, you had better look away.
I love sexual promiscuity. Give her more baby.
By whatinthe world at 13:17 22 Jun 2012
Here's the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold, like their mother
The youngest one in curls.
By Laura V at 20:42 22 Jun 2012
"Not many entries nowadays is there Hilda?"
"They have more important things to worry about dear!"
"Like, beer, sex, HRM, and their medications!"
By Inchcock at 08:25 23 Jun 2012
I reckon Mark Lowton uses the same system as NatWest
Maybe - those poor humans being frozen out of their accounts for days
yeah but we've been frozen out for the last six months!
By IN SEINE at 08:33 23 Jun 2012
"How much longer can we keep up this false smiling for Spoofers to get votes?"
"As long as they keep voting I suppose dear!"
"If it's alright for Cameron it'll do me!"
By Inchcock at 01:29 24 Jun 2012
Did you see my brother on TV today on London Bridge?
Who's his bitch?
That would be none other than Cherie Blair that he is stringing along!
By IN SEINE at 16:43 24 Jun 2012
"Some people don't get these goat jokes you know dear!"
"No dear, their just not tickled with em!"
"They've goat to have a sense of humour!"
By Inchcock at 08:00 25 Jun 2012
"Two or more cheetahs are known as a 'Coalition' you know!"
"It's about the same in UK politics as well!"
"Oh Mother!"
By Inchcock at 05:07 26 Jun 2012
Our capital spending on the GDP is the lowest in all the OECD countries.
Net expenditure on consumer goods rose in proportion to price increases.
(yawn) I want to watch porn.
By whatinthe world at 05:50 26 Jun 2012
We're the three Billy Goats Gruff!
You speak for yourself!
AWW The Nanny State BUTTS in!
By IN SEINE at 21:50 26 Jun 2012
England are out of Euro 2012 - beaten on penalties - AGAIN
I blame Ashley Cole
I blame Ashley Young
By radiogagger at 01:30 27 Jun 2012
"A lot's happened since we came on here!"
"Yer, riots, wars, England out of the Euro..."
"Another million unemployed, more murders... nothing unusual then!"
By Inchcock at 06:52 27 Jun 2012
I reckon George Osbourne has a sheep fetish.
What makes you say that dear?
He's made another EWE-turn!
By IN SEINE at 09:13 27 Jun 2012
"I'm getting fed up with that same faces looking at the screen!"
"Yes, that disappointed look when they realises we're still here!"
"You'd have thought they'd have made a screensaver of us to kill the boredom!"
By Inchcock at 05:59 28 Jun 2012
Here comes that vet again for his monthly visit. I wonder how much he charges.
Too much, he's a nincompoop. What did he tell the farmer our kid has last time?
He said it's something called 'Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder'.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:18 28 Jun 2012
"When it comes to the time for our replacement, I don't know what we'll do!"
"Farmer's weekly pin-ups?, Go on McDonalds new menu?...."
"How do you know McDonald's will last as long long as this competition Mum?"
By Inchcock at 05:38 29 Jun 2012
"The Lib-Dem supporters are having a march over our fields today!"!"
"I hope they behave themselves!"
"Yes, both of them!"
By Inchcock at 04:34 30 Jun 2012
"High on a hill with a lonely goatherd..."
"Yodel adel odel adel oh. oh, oh..."
"Hang on, we did that one last January!"
By Inchcock at 06:04 01 Jul 2012
"Im Ronnie"
"Im Reggie
"Im getting shafted arent I"
By armfeetandtoe at 07:04 01 Jul 2012
"Is there an Olympic Caption Competition?"
"Don't be be a silly-billy dear!"
"If there was, we're already training for the marathon!"
By Inchcock at 03:03 02 Jul 2012
"Somehow I expected to die of old age in this field, butting, & having sex!"
"That's no longer possible is it dear, now we just pose all the time!"
"Makes you wonder how the human politicians go on!"
By Inchcock at 05:42 03 Jul 2012
"England lost under Fabio Capello and Roy Hodson while we've been here!"
"Wonder who the next manager will be?"
"Dunno, but I bet we're still here to see him lose too!"
By Inchcock at 08:40 04 Jul 2012
"Now we're famous, the farmer have renamed us all!"
"Yes dear, I know... Cameron, Clegg, and Osborne!"
"Bet we'll still be here when their gone though!"
By Inchcock at 21:35 05 Jul 2012
"The farmer's not been round to see you lately Matilda?"
"Oh no... I knew i was missing something..."
"He'll be round when Petra Kvitova gets knocked out at Wimbledon!"
By Inchcock at 01:54 06 Jul 2012
"I'm getting so bored on here!"
"I wish I was getting bored!"
By Inchcock at 01:25 07 Jul 2012
"Any plans to help Spoofer's get over the shock when we're replaced?"
"You think we will be replaced then do you?"
"It'll be a field day for us!"
By Inchcock at 06:20 08 Jul 2012
Andy Murray has been beaten by Roger Federer in the Wimbledon Mens Final
So he's back to being 'Scottish' again after a week of being 'British'
The way he broke down and cried at the end, even the Scots want to disown him!
By radiogagger at 18:44 08 Jul 2012
"The Olympic Torch didn't pass by us then?"
"No dear, but not to worry, maybe next time?"
"Un we'll be here to see it!"
By Inchcock at 05:52 09 Jul 2012
"You'd think that the politicans might have visited us now were famous!"
"Not unless Willie Hague came, but he's only show interest in you and our kid!"
"Willie Hague?"
By Inchcock at 12:04 10 Jul 2012
What do you think of the situation in Syria?
Yes, Billy, what is your opinion?
Why you asking me? I'm only a kid.
By HaveIGotNewsForYou at 15:30 10 Jul 2012
I shag one farmer.......
Whats the matter love?
Whats the matter Dad?
By HaveIGotNewsForYou at 15:34 10 Jul 2012
I'll get my goat!
Goat to hell!
If I die will I come back as a goats?
By HaveIGotNewsForYou at 20:47 10 Jul 2012
"Will Mr Shuttlecock from Sidney be around here today do you think my dear?"
"Lynton or Pinxit might be on the Radio if the have News, or not gone In Seine?"
"Might get a Twinkle on the phone from Herrdoktors.. We've been here to long!"
By Inchcock at 02:17 11 Jul 2012
"The Glass is half full!"
"No Dear... It's half empty!"
"BUTT at least it's dry here!"
By IN SEINE at 15:24 11 Jul 2012
"Are you pleased for the Queen on her anniversary dear?"
"Well yes, I suppose so, but I've got worries of my own..."
"Yea, like it'll be our first anniversary on here in a while, a party?"
By Inchcock at 07:30 12 Jul 2012
"It worked!!!""
"What worked?"
"Dad managed to crash the spoof site and it will continue until we get out!"
By IN SEINE at 13:07 16 Jul 2012
"Water everywhere!"
"And not a drop to drink!"
By IN SEINE at 13:10 16 Jul 2012
I told you there was no Glastonbury this year.
We can have a picnic in the rain instead.
Dad! Can you stop putting bubble gum on my ear?
By Swiftly at 13:13 16 Jul 2012
Did you miss us?
Somebody turned the lights out.
And we still need feeding!
By radiogagger at 16:06 16 Jul 2012
"Do you think they might release us to watch the Olympics?"
"No, can't see it happening my dear!"
"Mark might hire us out to the government be guard-goats?"
By Inchcock at 18:49 16 Jul 2012
Last January, I thought they said we were going to watch a Kojak film!"
"I thought they said we were going to test Prozak?
"No!... they were to take our picture with a Kodak - deaf parents eh?"
By Inchcock at 00:41 17 Jul 2012
poor old David Beckham left out of the British Olympic football team
Does that mean he can't use the Olympic Lanes on the M4?
Oh well, there's always a security job with G4S if he wants it.
By radiogagger at 01:04 17 Jul 2012
"There're thinking of bringing All Creatures Great & Small back on the telly..."
"Yes, in 2014, maybe we'll get a part in it with our experience on here?"
"Nae!... we'll still be stuck one 'ere!"
By Inchcock at 06:04 18 Jul 2012
"Nice day today, I think we should take our Billy to the Zoo!"
"No dear, if they want him let them come and fetch him!"
By Inchcock at 02:00 20 Jul 2012
"What do you call a calf after it's six months old?"
"A cow.... No... Seven months old!"
"I can't take much more of this!"
By Inchcock at 15:23 21 Jul 2012
"I think I'm agnostic, but I haven't decided"
"Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no"
"There is no 'I' in 'Team', but there are four in 'Platitude-Quoting Idiot'"
By Inchcock at 04:58 22 Jul 2012
"Maude! Turn the television off"!
"They cant see us you know"
"They bludy well can"
By armfeetandtoe at 13:52 22 Jul 2012
"I hear the BBC are making a new series of Dessert Island discs!"
"Bet it wont last as long as we have on 'ere!"
"Bitter mummy... bitter!"
By Inchcock at 17:27 24 Jul 2012
"Maude! Did you ring Mark!?
"No, he will be along shortly"
"Is he a midget then"?
By armfeetandtoe at 22:38 24 Jul 2012
"Dont stare Maude!"
"I'm only having a glance"
"Is that how humans do it then?"
By armfeetandtoe at 22:40 24 Jul 2012
"Fuck me Maude, ave a look!"
"Dont be disgusting"
"Its bigger than yours dad"
By armfeetandtoe at 22:41 24 Jul 2012
The Diet Dr. Pepper can is mine.
I'm gonna eat the Coke Zero can.
So you're giving me the Bud Light can?
By Abel Rodriguez at 02:58 25 Jul 2012
"Have you noticed how old the Spoofer's are getting?"
"Oh yes... so they are!"
"What did you expect? Parents!... Huh!
By Inchcock at 07:02 25 Jul 2012
"Why were you so late arriving today Ethel?"
"The farmer was following me all the way!"
"I know mam... he was walking very slowly?"
By Inchcock at 01:41 27 Jul 2012
The escape committee say Goat Biggles is to make his attempt tomorrow morning
That glider of his will never get off the ground
Did they say how the tunnel's coming along dad?
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:02 27 Jul 2012
"For fucks sake Maude! I said stay out of the mud"!
"Anyone can make a mistake"
"Thats what Hitler said"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:42 27 Jul 2012
"Good heavens... what's that Mark is building up in the tree?"
"A machine gun nest dear!"
"Oh ecky thump!"
By Inchcock at 05:28 31 Jul 2012
"Fu fucks sake Maude! I wear the beard in this harse"!
"Its the HRT"
"Blunt razors more like"
By armfeetandtoe at 18:17 31 Jul 2012
"Think we will be let out of here to watch the Olympics soon?"
"I doubt it very much my dear!"
"We might catch the Rio de Janeiro games in 2016... or maybe not!"
By Inchcock at 06:38 02 Aug 2012
"That horse just escaped, jumped over the fence, did you see him?"
"Lucky bugger!..."
"What we need is a wooden horse!"
By Inchcock at 07:17 03 Aug 2012
They're bound to stop looking in our direction soon. I wonder who dropped it.
Don't pick it up yet son. Just think of all those sweets we'll soon be having.
But my leg's gone numb, I can't hide this five pound note under my foot for ever
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:48 03 Aug 2012
"That was kind of the farmer to sow the seeds for this year around us!"
"And the airline pilots are waving at us now!"
"It's nice to make long term friends!"
By Inchcock at 06:56 05 Aug 2012
"High on a hill with a lonely goatherd.. yodel....
"We did that last February dear..."
"Poor things, losing it again!"
By Inchcock at 14:14 06 Aug 2012
"I wonder why we have been imprisoned on here so long?"
"No idea my love!"
"I do... goat meat prices have gone up 140% since we arrived!"
By Inchcock at 05:35 07 Aug 2012
Tell 'em I said I want to avoid the rush hour traffic on the drive back home
They won't believe we have a car you fool, they'll think we're being unsociable
Oh, just tell 'em I have to be up early tomorrow morning to go to school.
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:32 08 Aug 2012
"It's a long way to Tipperary... It's a long way back home..."
"We've been nowhere for months on end now dear!"
"Your telling me!"
By Inchcock at 09:38 09 Aug 2012
He's too fussy. He called 'lights, camera' months ago. Shall we start?
We'd better wait for him to call out 'action' first dear.
It's not that he's too fussy dad. The clipboard's jammed!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:38 09 Aug 2012
By radiogagger at 00:20 10 Aug 2012
Bronze :(
SIlver :-/
GOLD! :-)
By radiogagger at 00:21 10 Aug 2012
By radiogagger at 00:21 10 Aug 2012
Well, after six months, it looks like we are going to be moved on
Apparently Newham Council are going to build a block on flats on this field
NO! I want to stay. I'm going to start a twitter campaign #OccupyCaptionComp
By radiogagger at 00:24 10 Aug 2012
Dressage? Call that an Olympic Sport? Better make Crufts an Olympic event then!
As well as Ludo, Tiddlywinks and Shove ha'penny
I'd like to see Dungeons and Dragons & other computer games made Olympic events
By radiogagger at 00:27 10 Aug 2012
I can't believe the Olympics are nearly over.
After seven years wait, London 2012 is nearly over, and its roll on Rio 2016
What will the nation moan about now?
By radiogagger at 00:28 10 Aug 2012
"There shold be animal Olympics as well, it's not fair!"
"We'd win the standing still competition!"
!I'll have a go_at it!"
By Inchcock at 04:45 10 Aug 2012
What's written on the signpost that army bloke just put on our gate?
My eyes are getting bad, the words are all blurry. What's it say son?
It says, 'WARNING, Military Firing Range. Keep Out!'
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:41 10 Aug 2012
"This must be the editor coming over the fence... what does he want I wonder?"
"I don't know my love, but let's be nice to him!"
"Nice to him? He's wearing a Mohair scarf, and a cashmere jumper!"
By Inchcock at 05:58 11 Aug 2012
"If we ever get off of this competition, whatever shall we do?!
"Modelling, TV work, Medical experiments, write a book, work for the UN....."
"Goat stew!!
By Inchcock at 05:11 12 Aug 2012
Our kid could do those gymnastic floor exercises better. They're so easy.
Give it a try around the field son, show me and your dad what you can do
Now look, If you don't want to buy me a dartboard just say so!
By Tommy Twinkle at 19:15 12 Aug 2012
"We don't seem to be getting many visitors nowadays dear!"
"No your right dear, I wonder why?"
"Most of em have died of old age!"
By Inchcock at 06:25 13 Aug 2012
Do you think I need to shave?
I think your beard has a beard
I think I have a hair growing!
By The Carlos Show at 01:22 14 Aug 2012
I won the Gold Medal
I won the Silver Medal
I didn't stand a goat of a chance!
By j.w. at 14:51 14 Aug 2012
"Cameron. Clegg and Miliband get a holiday.. why not us?"
"We can't afford one dear!"
"We're going to get paid?"
By Inchcock at 09:29 15 Aug 2012
"Is anyone out there dear?"
"Oh yes, the odd ones have a look at us now and then!"
"I hate it when people feel sorry for us..."
By Inchcock at 17:56 16 Aug 2012
Have you heard?
We are first prize in the Albanian National Lottery next week
By Clyde at 22:25 16 Aug 2012
"If we ever get off this caption thingy.. whatever shall we do then Grizelda?"
"We may go on TV, become celebrities, or go to an old age farm!"
"Most likely we'll be turned into glue!"
By Inchcock at 07:52 17 Aug 2012
"I'm looking forward to the next Olympics mother..."
"We've got the football world cup first father..."
"Don't they waffle on?"
By Inchcock at 08:08 18 Aug 2012
Is that hay?
Yeah I think it is.
It's hay it's hay!
By Jay at 19:36 18 Aug 2012
What's that?
I think people call it a cam-er-a
Ooh cam-era cool
By Jay at 19:37 18 Aug 2012
"Total UK National Debt ?. 1.3 trillion, unemployed 2.5m!"
"Cost of hosting London 2012 per UK taxpayer ?. 590 !"
"Watching Mr Bean play the Piano ?. Priceless!"
By Inchcock at 12:08 19 Aug 2012
"If we all charge the screen together... we might break out of here?"
"Really dear! - and where would we end up at?"
"Dad hadn't thought of that... back to the drawing board!"
By Inchcock at 06:14 21 Aug 2012
NEVER in the FIELD of human conflict...
was so much, owed by so many...
to so FEW! We three, we happy three!
By IN SEINE at 11:09 21 Aug 2012
It's your fault, you shouldn't have paid that deaf tattooist before seeing it.
I thought he'd finished it a bit quick at the time.
The tattooist put a blue line on mum's forehead, she asked him for a blue lion.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:30 21 Aug 2012
"Aha... movement, humans in the next field... are they going to free us?"
"No dear, they're putting up a giant fan to help keep us cool this summer!"
"No no Mum... they're building wind power generators!"
By Inchcock at 07:29 22 Aug 2012
What was that?
Dad's personal wind generator!
By IN SEINE at 08:25 23 Aug 2012
"We could call our dog Syndrome"
"Dont be fukin stupid, what if it jumped up on someone"
"Not good shouting,"Down Syndrome!". Twat"
By armfeetandtoe at 17:18 23 Aug 2012
"I think we've been made redundant dear.."
"Yes... I see what you mean Bartholomew!"
"No points in worrying!"
By Inchcock at 18:29 24 Aug 2012
I believe Mr. Romney wants to change the GOP symbol to our beloved species.
And we are quicker, subtler, hardly ever do any thinking.
Plus we got a wild eyeball and horns for ya if you need 'em!
By joseph k winter at 22:01 24 Aug 2012
What Is It , Florida ?
Some Bigwigs Thunk They're GOP !
That Is Worse Gross For Damn Thuh Replublik !
By Xenon AnOh at 00:58 25 Aug 2012
What Is It About , Florida ??
Demms Thunk Of Just Being Thuh , GOP !
The Gross Nautical Damn Thuh Being Thuh Republik ?
By Xenon AnOh at 01:02 25 Aug 2012
Bloomin mazin t' finks weez still 'ere after all thems mumfs innit, luv.
Yeah, would ov liked to av ad a few more people lookin in though.
We aints dun bad mum, 'cause we'd not never dun nuffink like this before ad we!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:36 27 Aug 2012
"It'd 30 to visit Madame Tussauds.. they can come 'ere for free..."
"Yer, but we only have this one photo.."
"Maybe we could charge just 50p then? Go on... suggest it to Mark!"
By Inchcock at 04:32 27 Aug 2012
I think it's fair to let people know that Herr Lowton is a neo-nazi
Why do you say that Otto?
Becfause he wants US to be his secret police force... called THE GOATSTAPO!!
By IN SEINE at 11:30 27 Aug 2012
We goats are proud, with a wild eyeball and a hoof!
Plus now--and our goatee--we are the symbol for the GOP!
Now, mum, you're mixed up. That's the slogan of the Go Tea Party!
By joseph k winter at 23:34 27 Aug 2012
" Maybe we could get our family together, and occupy the caption, and get free?"
"We could also appeal to Mark's better nature?"
"That would be a goatal disaster!"
By Inchcock at 13:38 28 Aug 2012
"Maude! We could ave walked home by nar!"
"It will be along in a minute"
"Said that six months ago"
By armfeetandtoe at 14:00 28 Aug 2012
"Fu fuks sake Maude! Do we ave to watch this crap"?
"Its nearly finished"
"You said that five months ago"
By armfeetandtoe at 18:40 28 Aug 2012
Our union rep's some sort ov nutter!
Why, what's he say we should do 'baht bein' left 'ere all this time then?
Hunger strike!
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:53 29 Aug 2012
Dress age? I aint puttin' on a dress for no one.
'erdsman saw it on 'lympics - explain more abaht it t'day 'e said.
'ere 'e comes now - I wonder why's 'e carryin' reins n saddles wiv 'im?
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:59 29 Aug 2012
Look at that - not a cloud in the sky all day.
And not even the slightest little breeze
Seems like a really long day t'day though - times dragging by it is.
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:05 29 Aug 2012
Hey, Gertrude, who was it who told you we 'ad to wait 'ere anyway?
No one did, someone told our kid we 'ad to.
No, no one said anyfing to me mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:13 29 Aug 2012
Keep that tail still son, you 'ear me?
Mustn't move while the man's taking the photo Billy, it'd come out all blurry.
Is it alright if I move me tongue abaht in me maff?
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:30 29 Aug 2012
What's that thing on that rocky hill over there?
Dunno, looks like there's words written on it.
It says 'C-U-R-I-O-S-I-T-Y-R-O-V-E-R'
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:41 29 Aug 2012
There's a load o' travellers moved onto that field over there wiv their caravans
I wonder if they've got an old tyre we can play with.
Nah, doubt it!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:56 29 Aug 2012
They're nice chips they do at that fish n chips shop in the village though
Yeah, but cameraman said 'e was just goin' off t' buy a bag ov chips months ago
They do get a queue in there though mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:08 29 Aug 2012
I wonder what goat meat tastes like.
Oh, you do come out with some things!
So being a goat isn't 'all' good then is it mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:15 29 Aug 2012
Caught me knackers on the fence again I did this morning
You rub 'em too 'ard, they're sharp them barbs are.
They do get very itchy in the summer though mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:23 29 Aug 2012
Well, you know, we goats have a reputation,
It rhymes with treacherous.
But, mum, isn't the human animal tops in both categories?
By joseph k winter at 18:39 29 Aug 2012
"Mornin' Mum, morning little un. Nice day innit, Let's play a game again?!"
"Its the same day for us as it's been for the last God knows how many days!"
"Don't upset him Mum please... it's senility, he's getting old now!"
By Inchcock at 08:45 30 Aug 2012
"its nice to be important but it is important to be nice"
"And today you have been?"
By armfeetandtoe at 14:07 30 Aug 2012
"Hes got hump"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:33 31 Aug 2012
"Did you hear that?"
"Oh no, not a zipper!"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:35 31 Aug 2012
"The ills are alive!"
"Wiv the sarnd of musak!"
"Not when your tone deaf"
By armfeetandtoe at 21:18 31 Aug 2012
"Hello hello, look we have a different farm hand coming to serve us today!"
"Mmm... he looks a big boy too!"
"Only his belly is big, it's Inchcock... oh he's smiling at me...shit!"
By Inchcock at 07:18 01 Sep 2012
"Fu fuks sake Maude! you said that farmer Inchcock was on holiday!"
"He's been to Iran"
"Learning that Halal butchery mate"
By armfeetandtoe at 10:52 01 Sep 2012
"Maude! You said you knew where Mark lived!"
"Maps upside darn"
"Another fukin week in this field then"
By armfeetandtoe at 17:57 02 Sep 2012
"A ghost came down last night, wanting to join us on 'ere?"
"Yer I saw him, chap with a beard and a finger missin'!"
"It wor Jeremy Beagle, missing 'You've been framed" Ha ha ha!
By Inchcock at 08:35 03 Sep 2012
How long we bin 'ere?
Av t' go back through the days - Mundy, Sundy, Satdy, Fridy, Furdy, Wendy, errr,
...Twody, Mundy, Sundy, Satdy, Fridy, Furdy, Wendy, Twody, Mundy, Sundy, Sa.....
By Tommy Twinkle at 08:55 03 Sep 2012
D'you think we'd be able t' return to the way life was before all this fame?
Yeah, we'd be able t' turn our backs then walk away from it easily
I don't think we can mum. I think you'll find we can't move at all!
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:20 03 Sep 2012
Billy says the teachers at school call him little. He wants us t' get married.
But he IS little. Us getting married won't change that.
It's not so much the 'little' I don't like mum - it's the next word they use.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:17 03 Sep 2012
I don't think this is gonna be our final week.
I don't think this is gonna be our final month.
The people out there already know what I'm thinking!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:48 03 Sep 2012
I'll av a large bag ov chips unwrapped, and a cup ov tea t' take away, please.
And after you've served him, I'll have a large beefburger with cheese dear.
Just a small bag o' chips for me to eat now please, oh and also a pickled onion
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:00 03 Sep 2012
I reckon we're 'ere fer anuvver winter. We're gonna need some warm clothes luv.
I s'pose I could order us some wooly 'ats on the weekly from the catalogue.
And thermal socks mum, we're gonna need thermal sock as well.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:23 03 Sep 2012
"Baa baa"
"Black sheep, have you any wool"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:59 03 Sep 2012
"Mary ad a little lamb, it jumped an kicked an frollicked"
"The only way she could keep it still"
"Was by kicking it in the basket"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:01 03 Sep 2012
Nightclub door sign doesn't say 'No goats', it just says 'Over 18's only' .
Oh, we've loads more than that. Let's all come back about 'alf ten tonight.
They're gonna be so pleased when they see a herd of eighty goats go runnin' in.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:41 04 Sep 2012
Are you human
or are you dancer?
Or are you a lab rat?
By radiogagger at 02:52 05 Sep 2012
Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair? What was that all about?
He's left it late to try comedy
Is that what he calls it?
By radiogagger at 02:53 05 Sep 2012
David Cameron has had a reshuffle.
Sounds rude.
Mummy whats a reshuffle?
By radiogagger at 02:54 05 Sep 2012
Thank God for that, Michael Owen has found a new club in the Premier League
Stoke City or Liverpool?
You mean Stoke City or Joke City...
By radiogagger at 02:55 05 Sep 2012
David Cameron has reshuffled his cabinet.
About time, it didn't look right by the window
Mummy, whats a cabinet?
By radiogagger at 02:56 05 Sep 2012
Tom Cruise and Scientology have been accused of auditioning for his third wife
On the Casting Couch?
Mummy, whats a casting couch?
By radiogagger at 03:00 05 Sep 2012
Wow, was that a whirlwind that just went past?
no, that was Usain Bolt in training
Blink and you missed it!
By radiogagger at 07:21 05 Sep 2012
"Soon be our full year on here, what shall we do to celebrate then?"
"Let's have a party?"
"Can we invite Nick Clegg? He's losing his party inny?
By Inchcock at 08:38 05 Sep 2012
Herdsman's carrying a big tin. Mind you, the gate does need repainting.
But it's the same every year, always white and he never buys a brush.
Ruins your beard every year don't it dad!
By Tommy Twinkle at 08:59 05 Sep 2012
"Do you think people will forget about us dear?"
"When we're gone they might..."
"Who says that we're gonna escape?"
By Inchcock at 07:37 06 Sep 2012
"Here he comes again to milk you Maude dear..."
"Me? He doesn't milk me dearest!"
By Inchcock at 06:05 07 Sep 2012
Moldova 0 England 5
Moldova Rolled Over?
Moldova. Goal. Over.
By radiogagger at 23:44 07 Sep 2012
"Why oh why are we still here dear?"
"Erskine Quint?"
By Inchcock at 04:06 08 Sep 2012
We have a photograph of a person caught in a very embarrassing position.
Understand we're not without influence when it comes to how long we remain here.
And we like it here - a lot!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:09 08 Sep 2012
"Soon be winter again Maude!"
"That's when we started on 'ere wonnit?"
"I've spent half my life on here!"
By Inchcock at 05:39 09 Sep 2012
"Mary ad a little Lamb, she kept it in a bucket"
"An everytime she took it out"
"The sheep dog, tried to find it"
By armfeetandtoe at 15:38 09 Sep 2012
"If the Spoofers get the entries to go above 1,579, we might get off of here!"
"Then we can beat those damned Meerkats!"
"I just want to get ut of here!"
By Inchcock at 05:23 10 Sep 2012
"Maude! That boy looks nuffin like me!"
"He's a kid"
"I've started gettin the horn Mum"
By armfeetandtoe at 12:04 10 Sep 2012
"I met the new farmer with a wooden leg called Bartholomew!"
"What was his other leg called... hehehe"
"Oh dear!"
By Inchcock at 16:43 11 Sep 2012
"Maude! I've got the right hump"!
"Oooh wheres the left one?"
By armfeetandtoe at 19:48 11 Sep 2012
"How many ears did Davy Crockett have?"
"I know that one... Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!"
"And I've got to get out of here!"
By Inchcock at 05:03 12 Sep 2012
"Maude! Fur fuks sake! That Inchcock bloke has been here again!"
"Sorry dear, he must of stuck one up while I was not looking"
"I hope she's talking about a joke!"
By armfeetandtoe at 11:05 12 Sep 2012
"Have you thought what your going to give me for Father's day Maude?"
"Why that's not until the 14th July next year, we'll be long gone by then!
"He he he... wanna bet?"
By Inchcock at 06:05 13 Sep 2012
Someone posted a photo of my ass
Someone posted a photo of my breasts
What you have to do to by Royal!
By j.w. at 14:51 14 Sep 2012
"As I see it Maude, we need to dig a tunnel to get out of here!"
"No no dear... we need an RSPCA helicopter to airlift us out!"
"'Ave we got anything to try and bribe Mark with Mam?"
By Inchcock at 06:26 15 Sep 2012
"I wonder what the Spoofer's will do when we're eventually replaced on here?"
"No doubt dear, they will have another picture to caption?"
"Huh... you think Mum? A few might die of shock!"
By Inchcock at 06:28 17 Sep 2012
Don't tell fibs, a photo like that would be worth millions of pounds
You'll get a pimple on your tongue if you tell lies Billy.
It did - the herdsman's newspaper I saw had a topless picture of Camilla on it
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:11 17 Sep 2012
"What's your two's favourite film then?"
"The Great Escape!"
"Silence of the Lambs?"
By Inchcock at 04:08 18 Sep 2012
Right, I've said all I wanted to say. Anything more you two want to say to 'em?
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:43 19 Sep 2012
Tonights lottery numbers are 3 16, 28, 34, 42, 43
The Thunderball numbers are 3, 16 28, 34, 42, 43
Exactly the same! What are the odds on that happening?
By radiogagger at 22:40 22 Sep 2012
You have no spoofs pending approval
Always remember me with a cookie
This caption has been rejected because of copyright issues
By radiogagger at 22:41 22 Sep 2012
Go away, we're on strike.
Sorry, but we won't be accepting any new goat captions during our strike action.
However, in the meantime you can still submit captions to those listed below.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:23 24 Sep 2012
"Right Maude, take the gear off, we are on strike"
"For gods sake, I suppose its that Tommy Twinkle ranting again"
"Thank god for that, I can put me wolves coat on"
By armfeetandtoe at 09:46 28 Sep 2012
"This strike business Maude, do we still get paid?"
"Nope, we are on our own dear"
"You will get paid when the butcher arrives"
By armfeetandtoe at 14:26 30 Sep 2012
"We shall not, we shall not be moved!"
"Just like a tree, standing by the water side!"
"We have not been moved, for a year!"
By armfeetandtoe at 14:22 02 Oct 2012
UMMM...Honey,did that bush just move?
Yes,and what was that loud bang?
Mommy,Daddy,why did our herder just fall down?
By shane at 02:04 03 Oct 2012
Did you hear about Savile having his way with kids, didn't you meet him once?
Urm Darling I think there is something you should know
Now then now then now then, ururururur.
By John_L at 15:49 04 Oct 2012
"What was it you wanted to tell me Maude"
"Oh, nothing dear"
"Jingle jangle jewellery, jingle jangle jewellery"
By armfeetandtoe at 11:43 05 Oct 2012
"Listen, that sounds like a dog with a cleft palet"
"What is it saying?"
"Mark! Mark!"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:38 11 Oct 2012
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep"
"Just your Grandfather"
"Not screaming like the passengers in his car"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:50 12 Oct 2012
"Maude, why do the Argentine navy have glass bottom ships?!
"Dont know love"
"So they can see thier Air force?"
By armfeetandtoe at 21:06 12 Oct 2012
"Did you hear about that Jimmy Savile Maude?"
"Yer, he got right up my goat!"
"An mine, but I didnt want to say anything"
By armfeetandtoe at 21:39 12 Oct 2012
Was he the geezer you said groped you all through that London Marathon of 1982?
Yes that was him. From start to finish he kept putting his hands up my costume
That nuns costume year was the fastest time you ever recorded wasn't it mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:05 13 Oct 2012
Look over there who is that with the long beard is it reg.
I don't think it's Reg, in fact I think it's human
Oh fuck it's Gary Glitter.
By John_L at 15:51 15 Oct 2012
"Ere, Maude, did you see that"
"He's been starring at the screen for too long"
By armfeetandtoe at 22:16 19 Oct 2012
"I'm so ronereeeeeee"
"So ronereeeeeee
"They are losing it"
By armfeetandtoe at 16:28 24 Oct 2012
Are you still here?
I think they've forgotten about us
This is no fucking joke!
By j.w. at 09:47 27 Oct 2012
I wonder what it feels like to skydive
I wonder what it feels like to swim with the dolphins
I wonder what it feels like to move!
By Tommy Twinkle at 01:08 29 Oct 2012
Little titch 'ere reckons he could do with 'aving some of them growth hormones.
We can't afford those, Billy. Be patient, soon you'll be as tall as your dad .
Not if I stay here I won't!
By Tommy Twinkle at 01:33 30 Oct 2012
By James+Tester at 12:41 07 Nov 2012
And 'ow did that uvver old one go, started la-de-de-dum I fink it did.
Oh yeah, that takes me back. La-de-de-dum, then dum-de-de-la, or was it de-du.
I can't take it anymore - I'm a celebrity, get me out ov 'ere!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:32 08 Nov 2012
Ah, just look at that view luv. Green fields, buttercups, a few rabbits playing
Yeah, that's what it's all about.
Oy! Whoa-o the 'okey cokey. Whoa-o the 'okey cokey.......Who-o...
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:50 08 Nov 2012
"Maude, I never let the grass grow under me feet"
By armfeetandtoe at 17:10 12 Nov 2012
He can't go nailing up signs like that on our gate. This is England, not Texas!
Our farmer says it's time for some secession over here as well!
It reads, 'Keep Off Of My Land - Trespassers Will Be Shot!'
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:26 16 Nov 2012
Hey where are they taking little Billy?
To get groomed maybe?
Yeah maybe he'll be the new Navy football mascot.
By Abel Rodriguez at 14:08 19 Nov 2012
By I think I'm funny... at 23:45 19 Nov 2012
You said you and your young friends are being groomed?
And I've heard it's an Asian gentleman doing the grooming!
Yes. He keeps talking about a Gote Kurrie, whatever that is
By Steddyeddy at 15:49 21 Nov 2012
I say we run down there and screw one of those yews!
I'll have none of that you two!
Why don't we just walk down there, Dad, and screw all of them?
By Francois Dubois, S.J. at 18:44 22 Nov 2012
"Maude, we look like a pair of lesbians"
"Speak for yourself"
"Not with those huge bollocks hanging between your legs dad"
By armfeetandtoe at 15:42 24 Nov 2012
'and me over one of those cheese sandwiches luv, I'm feelin' a bit peckish.
Oh no! Silly me, I've only gone n forgotten to bring our sandwiches.
Not to worry mum, I don't suppose we'll be here for long!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:35 26 Nov 2012
Time flies!
They say it does when you're having fun, dear.
Mum, I don't think this is what having fun is supposed to feel like.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:52 26 Nov 2012
"Do you know Maude, I've gone fuckin grey"
"Not surprised dear, it's the stress"
"I was a kid when I came here"
By armfeetandtoe at 16:53 02 Dec 2012
What do you want for Christmas Ma?
You know what I want. A nice big kiss under the mistletoe.
I want a new caption competition.
By John_L at 16:03 03 Dec 2012
Our herdsman's being sick over our fence. It's not Christmas yet, is it?
No, and he hasn't been to the pub today. He must have caught a bug of some sort.
He seemed fine until he heard the news on his radio about the Duchess .
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:10 03 Dec 2012
It may be a White Christmas
Perhaps we can take over from the reindeers this year
Some chance! Our Nan cant even get out of her chair
By j.w. at 10:36 13 Dec 2012
Our kid reckons there aint long to go now.
Father Christmas won't be bringing you much this year Billy. Times are hard.
I wasn't talkin' baat effin Chrishmus, I's talkin' baat December twenny furst!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:57 14 Dec 2012
What's all them banging noises I can hear coming from the turkey's barn?
The turkeys have guns this year.
They're refusing to get onto the farmer's truck!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:58 18 Dec 2012
I see we were overlooked in the New Years honour lists again.
It must be because you never got a medal at the Olympics.
A medal at the Olympics? We couldn't even get tickets for the god damn Olympics!
By radiogagger at 02:14 29 Dec 2012
What a load of shite!
Attracts the flies as well. What did you think of it, Billy?
At least it was in 3D this year.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:18 30 Dec 2012
Us three just want to wish you all a very happy new year.
It's a bit early, but we're saying it now because we might be gone by tomorrow.
Fat chance! Happy New Year folks - AGAIN!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:19 31 Dec 2012
I am in charge round here
I am opposeed to you
I am waiting to e wiped out at the next electon
By j.w. at 10:43 04 Jan 2013
wers baaahhbra
oh ewwwww know
isnt she with ewwwwness?
By tony coates at 02:27 05 Jan 2013
Deidre! Deidre!! Deidre!!!
Ronald, were did you get that filth from?
I saw mummy kissing Santa Clause under the Xmas tree.
By whatinthe world at 12:23 12 Jan 2013
Mr Jones our farmer says we're 50% lower in fat than beef.
Also 40% lower than chicken, and very low in calories or cholesterol.
And you think YOU'VE got problems!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:41 13 Jan 2013
Dude this grass desn't get me stoned anymore!
Na, dude, I'm high as fuck. I don't want to get stoned, that would hurt!
Sorry, my parents smoke weed!
By boxes at 04:54 18 Jan 2013
By yindsice at 19:21 19 Jan 2013
if they offer you a burger, don't touch it
even if you ARE hungry enough to eat a horse
but I heard they were the dog's bollocks!
By Crunk at 21:29 20 Jan 2013
Trouble at mill!
Oh dear! What kind of trouble?
One of flayrod gone out of skew on treddle!
By whatinthe world at 10:39 28 Jan 2013
The forums are CLOSED!
all that arguing really gets my goat!
So where else can we go to chew the cud?
By radiogagger at 21:18 07 Feb 2013
Go on son - you CAN haz cheezeburger
Have they listed the mane ingredients??
By Crunk at 10:47 16 Feb 2013
And yet here we still are, and the Pope is abdicating.
I never thought we'd out last a Pope
Abdicating? Does that m ean he's too pooped to pope?
By Michael at 19:45 18 Feb 2013
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wool?
Please excuse my racist, capitalist parents.
By Slante Dangle at 18:10 05 Mar 2013
Don't eat me - I'm a horse
Don't eat me - I'm a goat
Don't eat me - I'm just a kid
By radiogagger at 14:43 07 Mar 2013
Happy Mother's Day dear
Did you put those daffodils in water for me junior?
<burp> ...yes mum
By Crunk at 08:58 10 Mar 2013
Happy Mothers Day from the Father
and the Holy Goat
the Son
By Crunk at 12:37 10 Mar 2013
Billy, you're really not my kid. We think you're old enough to know
We were having some problems, and i had an affair.... with Farmer Jones.
Now that you mention it, maaaaa, we do have the same ears!
By Animal at 23:31 14 Mar 2013
Son, you know you can talk to me or your mum about anything
We saw you with that Larry Lamb, and we are worried...
it's ok, I know all about his gambolling addiction
By Crunk at 16:24 18 Mar 2013
My tooth's playing me up. I think it's this wind, disturbs a nerve it does.
Yeah, the wind gives me a stiff neck sometimes. How's your stiff neck now Billy?
Don't know, mum - haven't been allowed to try turning it for 16 months!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:26 19 Mar 2013
"Seen it, seen it, seen it"
"Seen it, seen it, seen it"
"Saw it, seen it, saw it"
By armfeetandtoe at 12:44 26 Mar 2013
That Angela Merkel has shut the Halloumi bank
I bet the customers are cheesed off
I wondered when we would become the butt of this joke
By Crunk at 09:31 29 Mar 2013
Larry lamb dived into that muddy swamp last night to rescue some twit.
Only a complete fool would try walking across a muddy swamp field like that!
What I can't understand is how he got to be Prime Minister, mum!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:44 02 Apr 2013
She seemed fine when I said good morning to her over the fence last week.
Well according to our farmer, she's dead. Billy'll tell yer, he was with me.
Yeah, he said that old cow Maggie is dead at last. Why did he say 'at last' mum?
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:47 09 Apr 2013
Did they say on the news what the book was?
No, just that she was reading a book when it happened.
That's why I always read the last page of books first, mum...just in case!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:51 10 Apr 2013
But we saw part of the new series on the farmer's TV through his window.
I don't think they've made a new series of Spitting Image, dear.
D'you mean last night, dad? That was Ukip's leader Nigel Farage on the telly!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:39 10 Apr 2013
I wanted more than 5 seconds of Ding Dong
It's not enough
Auntie is such a Spoilsport
By j.w. at 08:56 13 Apr 2013
has anyone seen the Baroness' headstone yet?
Yes dear, they are going to have a huge flat one with disco lights
Dance floor? Ding dong!
By Crunk at 04:20 15 Apr 2013
"I spy with my little eye"
"Are you fucking serious!?"
"They really get on my goat"
By armfeetandtoe at 12:33 03 May 2013
there looking at us again - say hello mummy goat
I can't - in case you hasn't realised - goats don't talk
Thank heavens for the speech bubbles then!
By radiogagger at 19:27 06 May 2013
"If I had known we would come back as goats Reg I would have been good"
"You know it Ron, what do we do now Charlie?"
"Start taking protection money off that field of cows"
By armfeetandtoe at 18:10 11 May 2013
"I'm tired of standing around letting the grass grow under my feet"
"I knew there was something strange about him"
By armfeetandtoe at 09:36 13 May 2013
Heard About UKIP in Scotland?
I hear they got the boot
Must be healthy up there
By j.w. at 18:47 17 May 2013
What was the name of that song Sandie Shaw won the Eurovision thing with?
Puppet on a string.
Was it about a Prime Minister, mum?
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:15 20 May 2013
Dear ol' dear, this is draggin' on a bit, n it luv.
Yeah, ahfort we would only be 'ere fer-rah fue days, week at most.
Oh 'ark at you two goin' on, you doan 'alf get bored quick you two do.
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:15 08 Jun 2013
By Chris Fenton at 07:43 17 Jun 2013
Us! Drop baaa for all your goat needs.
By Bureau at 15:13 18 Jun 2013
Remember, don't let your horns grow out.
OK. Why?
They'll use the for two shofars.
By Bureau at 15:14 18 Jun 2013
One thing I'd like to say before..
Look. Bureau's back.
Will you quit butting in?
By Bureau at 18:32 18 Jun 2013
What do you call an unemployed goat?
Billy Idol.
What's a Billy Idol?
By Bureau at 22:52 18 Jun 2013
Yep, that's Bureau.
How can you tell?
My guess is the three-foot wide drawers.
By Bureau at 16:18 19 Jun 2013
"Going to a goat-goat!"
"Na-na-nana, nana! Going to a goat-goat!"
I thought Disco was over long time agoat.
By Bureau at 18:28 19 Jun 2013
It was Teddy Roosevelt who first said, "Billy! Billy, I say!"
That was "Bully', not "Billy".
Yeah. The other was Carter laying all blame on his brother for everything.
By Bureau at 22:09 20 Jun 2013
How do you like my goatee?
How do you like my goat tits?
Oh you two quit blowing your horns. Just kidding.
By Bureau at 15:54 21 Jun 2013
What was the favorite dance when we were growing up?
It was the "Can Can".
I should have guessed.
By Bureau at 19:20 21 Jun 2013
I was only trying to help our kid out with his homework.
The question was 'is our universe expanding?'
Dad said, 'no, it just seems to be to us because everything in it is shrinking!'
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:31 22 Jun 2013
Mares eat oats.
And does eat oats.
And little lambs eat ivy.
By Gee Pee at 00:23 23 Jun 2013
Why no "Goats" on sports teams?
They're just "understood"
Yeah, everyone that blows the game.
By Bureau at 21:56 26 Jun 2013
I'm feeling horny.
You're always feeling horny.
That's how I got here.
By Bureau at 21:58 26 Jun 2013
Your family is weird.
My sister help raise Junior for free. You liked her.
She was my nanny.
By Bureau at 18:34 27 Jun 2013
Gays can now marry.
But not goats. Is that fair?
I say "NAY"!
By Bureau at 18:39 27 Jun 2013
All smiles she was when her tail swisher won that big race at Royal Ascot?
That was what finally convinced me. All them years pretending to be misery chops
I've been saying it for ages, mum. She's one of them shapeshifters!
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:01 27 Jun 2013
Looks like the farmer's bought himself one of those big widescreen televisions.
We'll be able to watch the Wimbledon tennis on it through his window.
Mustn't turn our necks. We'll have to roll our eyeballs left and right instead.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:13 28 Jun 2013
Black sheep, black sheep have you any wool? Yes Sir..
Paula Deen! Paula Deen!
Oh good grief!
By Bureau at 16:26 28 Jun 2013
Viewer at 12:00 O'clock! Shape up!
Baaaaaaa! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (snort) baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
By Bureau at 21:53 02 Jul 2013
Whatsa matter Junior?
Yeah. You're looking a bit sheepish.
Very funny Mom! I could almost laugh! (Gilda Radner)
By Bureau at 23:11 10 Jul 2013
You need to grow a pair of horns, Junior!
Dad's right. Goat up.
But I look like the devil!
By janet eve josselyn at 20:46 17 Jul 2013
By Moose at 00:32 23 Jul 2013
Junior, smile for the camera now.
Do what Daddy says, son.
I can't. They're looking at me like they want to eat me.
By Samuel Vargo at 02:04 25 Jul 2013
Is that what I think it it?
I'm afraid so. I smell it.
Lambs Two!
By Bureau at 00:45 30 Jul 2013
Mmmmm. Delicious Horse Meat!
Fish is the "Brain Food". We're Dumb!
"Eat mor chikin"
By Bureau at 13:33 30 Jul 2013
Never was a Santa Claus.
Nope. Humans made him up.
Baaaaaaaaaa Humbug!
By Bureau at 13:51 30 Jul 2013
"I'm baaaad!
I'm baaaaaaadd!!
I'm really, really BaaaaaaDDD!"
By Bureau at 21:48 31 Jul 2013
Ba baa ba Barbara Ann!
Ba ba ba, Ba Barbara Ann!
Take my hand, Barbara Ann!
By Bureau at 23:15 31 Jul 2013
Para bailar La Bambaaa
Para bailar La Bambaaa
Se necessita una poca de gracia! (I blew it!) bah!
By Bureau at 23:23 31 Jul 2013
Babalu aye Babalu
Babaaaaluuuuu aye Babaaaaalluu
Jungle drums were badly beating in the glare of eerie lights! Babulooo. BAAAAAAH
By Bureau at 21:28 01 Aug 2013
You been to school?
Yep. Junior there went to college.
I got a B.A! Baaaaaaa!
By Bureau at 01:51 05 Aug 2013
"How dare that man drive past and shout hillbilly's"
"Bubba, put Big Daddy's shotgun down!"
"I'm a listenin Mumma, I'm a listenin"
By armfeetandtoe at 09:58 08 Aug 2013
I am plagued by a horrible thought...What if long beards should go out of syle?
Couldn't those fucking Satanists sacrifice some chickens for a change?
Have you seen the new Adam Sandler movie? It's baaaad. Seriously, he sucks.
By Brett Taylor at 00:44 12 Aug 2013
You have a proud ancestry, son.
Your ancester was the goat not allowed into Wriggly Field.
And they never won since! Wow!
By Bureau at 00:26 22 Aug 2013
Our kid refused to resign as Head Prefect at school so they've booted him out.
They told him the position requires someone of more sound judgment.
It's not fair. Mr Cameron hasn't resigned - they haven't booted him out!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:34 01 Sep 2013
Why is it so tough to get through customs at the airport?
We're a normal family. I don't understand what the problem is.
Maybe you should lose the beard, dad. It looks like Bin-Laden's.
By The Ruling Authority at 13:37 13 Sep 2013
Just drop the wallet and the cell phone and back away slowly!
Stay Calm and we won't have to hurt you.
Thanks for visiting the Philadelphia Zoo!
By MarsPandora at 01:37 21 Sep 2013
By Naaaa at 02:26 21 Sep 2013
Cuz, you can't
You won't
& you don't stop . . . Mike D come and rock the sure shot.
By Tony Bagodonutz at 05:30 26 Sep 2013
Spurs 0
West Ham 3
I knew there was a God
By j.w. at 14:07 07 Oct 2013
He's not the new dalai Lama.
Says he is.
Yes I am. Just you wait, you old goats. I will laff at you but say good and c
By Bureau at 17:44 22 Oct 2013
Shape up! We're on again.
While you were off we snoozed.
Scratched our butts.
By Bureau at 19:21 23 Oct 2013
Bureau's back.
Don't let him pun you to death.
His whiskers are white, just like ours. Can't be too Baaaad!!
By Bureau at 20:59 23 Oct 2013
Thought Bureau was sick.
He's been sick for years.
What? He says he doesn't even know how he goat here.
By Bureau at 21:03 23 Oct 2013
I wore my head hair in a sheepfro during the '60's.
Granny dress for me.
What's the Sixties?
By Bureau at 13:36 24 Oct 2013
Were you a "Deadhead"?
No, butt daddy was.
Is that why he died?
By Bureau at 13:37 24 Oct 2013
See that goat in the Woodstock pic?
Yes. butt that wasn't you.
That's the 89th time he's claimed that.
By Bureau at 13:39 24 Oct 2013
A wise alligator once said:
We have met the enemy.
And he is us. (Walt Kelly)
By Bureau at 12:57 25 Oct 2013
"My goat of
Many colors
My Mother made for me"...Dolly Parton
By Bureau at 19:36 30 Oct 2013
We've been singing.
Can't just stand here.
Oldies but Goatees!"
By Bureau at 19:37 30 Oct 2013
"Going to a Goat Goat
Na Na Na Na Na Na!
Going to a goat na na na na na"
By Bureau at 19:40 30 Oct 2013
"Goat tell Aunt Rosie
Goat tell Aunt Rosie
The Old Gray Goose is dead!"
By Bureau at 19:41 30 Oct 2013
Ba Ba Ba Beee!
You don't sound a bit like Bing Crosby.
Look more like David Crosby
By Bureau at 19:49 30 Oct 2013
Milk, milk, milk your goat
With a gentle stream
Merrily merrily merrily make your cheese & cream.
By Bureau at 20:19 30 Oct 2013
"And the green grass grew all around,
all around
Till we ate it all to the ground."
By Bureau at 20:21 30 Oct 2013
"You can goat your own way!
"Goat your own way!"
"You sound more like Flatwood Mac"!
By Bureau at 22:46 30 Oct 2013
"I can't goat for that!
"No can do!"
"I can't goat for that."
By Bureau at 22:50 30 Oct 2013
Bah humbug
Bah Bah Loooo!
Will you two quit Baaaabling?
By Bureau at 18:35 31 Oct 2013
Ba-ba-ba- ba barbara ann
Take my hoof, Babra Ann
We did that one on 1998.
By Bureau at 18:38 31 Oct 2013
I ate a can of beans this morning
We KNOW. We can tail!
Owwweeeee! Don't find another one.
By Bureau at 18:41 31 Oct 2013
The beans were OK but the can was delicious.
I hate cans.
He needs the fiber, Mama.
By Bureau at 18:44 31 Oct 2013
Na na na na
na na na na
Hey Hey Hey! Goodbye!
By Bureau at 21:08 01 Nov 2013
Wonder why they call me Billy?
And me Nanny?
And me, Swinborg?
By Bureau at 21:09 01 Nov 2013
I'd like to try the derby
You'd get nowhere
Who's ride you, a monkey?
By Bureau at 21:11 01 Nov 2013
Well, you're still not dating her.
Well, let's think this over.
No use Mom. Dad thinks Cindy is a sheep's head.
By Bureau at 21:13 01 Nov 2013
"Goat tell on the mountain!
Goat tell it on the mountain
To let my people goat!" At least tell Mark.
By Bureau at 23:07 07 Nov 2013
If you prick us, do we not bleat.
Honey, not in front of the kid.
Mama, what's a prick?
By Jerry Avi at 04:42 10 Nov 2013
Unlike most creatures, goats have rectangular pupils.
It's true.
Just google it!
By Bureau at 14:13 18 Nov 2013
I used to dream that I was a goat.
You are a goat. When did the dreams start?
When he was just a kid.
By Bureau at 21:50 26 Nov 2013
Hey Hon, Got me some Horny Goat Weed!
Billy, you shouldn't have.
Shall I hide my eyes?
By Bureau at 19:42 27 Nov 2013
I may mix Horny Goat Weed with Cat's Claw.
That could be wild.
Mark, remove me from here till they get this over with.
By Bureau at 19:44 27 Nov 2013
Baa Baa Black sheep,have you any wool?
Yessir, yessir, three bags fool
You're tired aren't you, Mama?
By Bureau at 21:19 27 Nov 2013
Goat tell Aunt Rosie
Goat tell Aunt Rosie
The old gray goose is dead.
By Bureau at 21:22 27 Nov 2013
That's Berlusconi sun bathing.
Sure is.
Jeez.. he's hung better than us, dad.
By Auntie Matter at 23:41 27 Nov 2013
I won't lie, Jean, I was at a heavy metal concert.
Where were you last night, Herman?
Mmmm. Heavy metal.
By Butch32 at 00:02 29 Nov 2013
Who sung "Going Down The Highway"?
I don't know.
Ba-Bachman, Turner Overdrive.
By Bureau at 18:21 11 Dec 2013
"Taking Care of Business"?
Ba Bachman Turner Overdrive!
By Bureau at 18:22 11 Dec 2013
"Would You Let It Ride?"
Ba-Baman Turner Overdrive?
By Bureau at 18:23 11 Dec 2013
"Blinded By The Light"
"Ba-Bachman Turner Overdrive?"
"Nope! Manfred Mann"
By Bureau at 18:24 11 Dec 2013
"Heavy Metal?"
"I Don't Know!"
"Nope! Just Metal! Still, Good Stuff!"
By Bureau at 18:26 11 Dec 2013
Got a new job once we finish this gig.
Where's that?
He's joining the Masons for some freak ceremony, Mom.
By Bureau at 19:10 12 Dec 2013
I can't tell you. It's a secret.
Jr. there just told me.
But don't repeat it or we'll be BBQ before morning.
By Bureau at 19:11 12 Dec 2013
What Kind of name is Pelosi?
Lagosi, at first I think. They changed it.
Not by much!
By Bureau at 19:13 12 Dec 2013
What's for supper?
Canned Yams
Mmmm! I get the can!!
By Bureau at 19:15 12 Dec 2013
How much are we paid here?
1,000 bags of Goat Vittles!
Mom will lose her girlish figure.
By Bureau at 19:17 12 Dec 2013
No sun here.
Nope. Could use some.
We're all getting white as a goat.
By Bureau at 19:18 12 Dec 2013
So why don't you think of us as the 3 Billy Goats Gruff?
We will fight Internet trolls!
Who you calling a kid?
By Al N. at 05:28 19 Dec 2013
Ropes, clothes off the lines, and sure outdid yourself, sweetheart.
Thank you, Dear. You MUST try the iron chain next week.
I still want Pizza Hut.
By Smart Blonde Bimbo at 16:53 22 Dec 2013
Imagine that. Cruise Clothes!
Ugh. She's showing WAY too much hide.
Can we go home, now?
By Smart Blonde Bimbo at 16:09 24 Dec 2013
By David Hawkins at 11:42 27 Dec 2013
we're still
By Bureau at 23:57 01 Jan 2014
Big NFL games coming !
Goldberg plays football?
By Bureau at 23:58 01 Jan 2014
Dallas out again.
Patriots are in again.
How are the Mets doing? Oh yeh, that's basketball? Ice Hockey?
By Bureau at 23:59 01 Jan 2014
No team every uses "Goats"
Wonder why?
By Bureau at 00:00 02 Jan 2014
There are the Rams
Yeah, that's close.
Also, the one that screws up and causes them to lose are goats.
By Bureau at 00:01 02 Jan 2014
I support UKIP
Is that becaue of the bad weather?
No, ot because you two had me when you were not married
By j.w. at 11:55 21 Jan 2014
Look at those motherfuckers, staring at us behind the screen.
Harold, please!
ayye lmao
By Woody Pereira at 21:54 28 Jan 2014
Candice, what are you doing with your mouth? We're trying to take a picture here
Indeed it's silly. They look like duck lips. Stop that this instant.
I can never do nothing on this farm! I wish I was a purse.
By Phil Carlnova at 13:38 11 Feb 2014
Okay! Who cut the cheese?
If it's gouda, it wasn't I.
It's Dad! His gouda is the worst!
By Gee Pee at 01:11 03 Mar 2014
I hearby remove the Goat Curse from the Chicago Cubs!
I second!
100 years is long enough!
By Bureau at 13:48 17 Mar 2014
I don't like Pink Floyd.
Why? I like them.
Butt, no goat songs. Just "Sheep".
By Bureau at 19:18 26 Mar 2014
Do you know what time it is?
What is "time"?
By T. J. Carter at 01:05 27 Mar 2014
I'm a Republican.
How can you tell?
I vote Nay all the time.
By Bureau at 20:14 01 Apr 2014
See that old goat over there?
I know, she used to be your Nanny.
By Bureau at 20:15 01 Apr 2014
Dad named us all "Billy"
Like George Foreman and his sons?
George Foreman has a son named Billy?
By Bureau at 20:16 01 Apr 2014
Billy Butts!
He sure can.
Did he smoke? Just find them on the ground?
By Bureau at 20:17 01 Apr 2014
I think we have served our time on here.
It's about $4:20 here.
Nine Months?
By Bureau at 20:20 01 Apr 2014
I feel sleepy
Why is there air?
You two don't know your ass from your elbow.
By Bureau at 00:32 02 Apr 2014
I'm awake. Someone interrupted Bureau
If he'd stay here awhile.
Probably don't know many goat stories.
By Bureau at 00:33 02 Apr 2014
Once a goat was beheaded!
Butt he came back!
OK! OK! No Goat Stories!
By Bureau at 00:35 02 Apr 2014
With your butt Mam, you should twerk
Watch my butt!
I don't think you shake your head, Mom.
By Bureau at 00:36 02 Apr 2014
Shake that butt!
Baaaaa! Baaaaa!
I think I started something.
By Bureau at 00:39 02 Apr 2014
Remember the goat swallowing the dynamite?
I saw rerun. Andy & Barney Fife!
By Bureau at 00:40 02 Apr 2014
na-na-na-naa! Goodbye!
na-na-na-naa! Goodbye!
Didn't work. We're still here.
By Bureau at 01:01 03 Apr 2014
Don't butt heads with the infidel.
But, we are all hard headed.
What a thick headed family.
By drmrs 4/4/2014 at 16:11 04 Apr 2014
By udnkgqqx at 22:35 23 Apr 2014
holy crap I'm on the internet!!!
Ah, who's your daddy?
Well, this might explain the defined circumstances in which we live,
By whatinthe world at 06:05 29 May 2014
I wouldn't tell you my real name for all the hairs on my chinny chin chin.
Nooooo Wwaaaaaayyyy!!
Hi, my name's Bernard and I want to be the President of Afghanistan.
By whatinthe world at 06:11 29 May 2014
Why is everybody looking at us? Is it something i said?
No, its because everyone is cruel and condescending toward us. Sod 'em!!
I wander what David Attenborough is doing at the moment?
By whatinthe world at 06:28 29 May 2014
"Pardon me boy. Is that the Chatanooger Choo Choo?"
"Who wants to be a millionaire? I don't"
"...I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains."
By whatinthe world at 06:34 29 May 2014
Hey son ... you smell like a goat
We are just SO proud of you....
I still want to be a Llama when I grow up ...
By Joe Writeson at 02:15 26 Jul 2014
By dr. john leslie breaknik at 22:55 09 Sep 2014
We are not the Three Billy Goats Gruff! We do NOT want to hear any troll jokes!
We hate the Internet anyways so would never be trolls.
Angora jokes suck too. And don't call me a kid!
By Al N. at 04:44 21 Oct 2014
By Ella Davide at 00:04 24 Oct 2014
See that fool's jacket over there, son? I want you to eat it.
Billy, what did I tell you about encouraging our son to eat what isn't his? I
I will, Dad.
By Dalekbuster523 at 09:23 23 Nov 2014
I've sold our farm to the Americans, for a lot of money....
But Bill ... we don't own a farm ... or anything.
Woah! A check from US CONGRESS for $30 MILLION!!! ... Kick-Ass, Dad!
By Zabdgrov667 at 17:08 12 Dec 2014
I Bank with the Co-op. What should I do?
An ethical dilemma.
What's all this bleating? It's as safe as houses.
By j.w. at 14:56 16 Dec 2014
I don't believe in goats
That's udderly ridiculous
Maybe we should get an in spectre to find out
By Michael Egan at 02:28 31 Dec 2014
here comes the pastor again
headin for the poor sheep
can't we help them daddy
By dave nelson at 17:49 11 Jan 2015
baba black sheep have you any wool?
no sir, no sir that's faintly racist
political correctness, that really gets my goat
By thommo1981 at 03:05 20 Jan 2015
I'm going to start the ball rolling by saying something funny
and then i'll add further weight with my witty contribution
and last one always delivers the punchline right?
By thommo1981 at 03:21 20 Jan 2015
how grunge do i look with this goatee?
so banal! 90% of users will make some lame comment on the beard
it's true. us other two lack such obvious distinguishing features
By thommo1981 at 03:26 20 Jan 2015
Baby, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're kind of growing a beard
Oh Stop! I am not!
Yeah mom. You're chin looks like an upside-down troll doll.
By Octocorn at 15:52 23 Jan 2015
Do you think I should run for President?
You don't have the name recognition like most of the other likely candidates.
Elections shouldn't make you feel like you're picking between McDonalds & Wendys
By StubbornGorilla at 16:29 26 Jan 2015
I'm craving grass.
I'm craving clover.
I'm craving new parents.
By Ar Pearl at 02:14 19 Feb 2015
Maybe I should go over there and try to make him stop...
I think that's the same shepherd who tried that on your brother the other day...
My teacher says the best thing to do is bleat real loud and hope they run away..
By Don Grapper at 17:38 20 Feb 2015
I hear the Green Party are going to stand up for our rights at last.
You mean stop us getting unjustly killed by farmers? That would be a start.
No, they say that's too radical. They're aiming for the Little England vote.
By TM_Dealer at 13:14 27 Feb 2015
I think they're smoking marijuana...
The guy with the rainbow suspenders is...the thing he's sucking is called a bong
What about the lady kneeling in front of him? Is she sucking a bong too?
By Don Grapper at 15:30 27 Feb 2015
I've never seen a goat do it person style...
He's practicing so he can one day join the circus...
Is the man behind practicing for the circus too?
By Don Grapper at 15:35 27 Feb 2015
Here comes that fat rush limbaugh again
He can hardly walk
should'nt we run
By dave nelson at 20:45 19 Mar 2015
By Paul Blake at 01:37 27 Apr 2015
So when men stare at goats it's a blockbuster movie?
Yes, and when goats stare at men it's creepy and unnatural.
Why do they look so scared?
By Meredith McGhin at 04:14 15 May 2015
Oh no, here comes that ranch hand.
Not again. My rump still hurts from the last time.
He'll be late for his Bestialiy Anonymous meeting.
By Dick Sheerer at 19:41 10 Jun 2015
Dagnabbit, here comes that darned ranch hand.
Not again. My rump still hurts from the last tme.
He'll be late for his Bestiality Anonymous meeting.
By Dick Sheerer at 19:47 10 Jun 2015
Who leaked those photos of you doing a Nazi salute
Must have been Edward larking about again.
No - my brother would never approve of a Nazi salute
By j.w. at 10:21 20 Jul 2015
Who eaked those photos of you doing the Nazi salute?
It must have been Harry larking about again
My brother would never do anything to support the Nazis!
By j.w. at 10:29 20 Jul 2015
Who leaked that photo of you doig the Nazi salute?
It must have been Harry larking about again.
My brother would never do anything to support the Nazis! It's not in his genes.
By j.w. at 10:31 20 Jul 2015
Soppy judge let that village supermarket robber off
Nahhh, I thought he'd be fined for doing that
Judge said at least he paid the 5p for the bag they put the week's takings in
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:47 20 Oct 2015 all suddenly decided to emigrate, son.
Don't cry, Billy. Will you miss your friend?
Yeah mum, I liked Terry the Turkey.
By Tommy Twinkle at 01:13 26 Dec 2015
Happy Valentine's Day, luv. I wonder how our farmer got that back eye.
Ta luv. It was during their romantic dinner. His wife suddenly punched him.
He said her face is still as pretty as Mrs. Goat's ..... Who's Mrs. Goat, mum?
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:47 14 Feb 2016
Hmmmm what a great lookin' dinner, hon!
Thanks, honeygoat!
Enough babbling, let's eat the rich son of a female dog!
By Tom Sivvy at 23:53 18 May 2016
Look, it's Donald Trump! He's making faces at us!
I think that's his normal look.
You mean even the hair?
By Al N. at 20:50 20 May 2016
Look kid! It's Donald Trump picking his nose. He thinks no one is watching.
Eeek! That is so disgusting!
Not to mention putting the boogers in his hair!
By Al N. at 18:11 24 May 2016
Smile Everyone! The tourists are back for the season!
That's good! I've missed all the junk food they throw us!
Oh boy! I hope Gummi Bears and Butterfingers are still popular!
By Al N. at 02:37 01 Jun 2016
Hey Look! It's Donald Trump!
He just tripped and fell!
Now he's looking to see if anyone saw him. Hi Donald!
By Al N. at 04:39 02 Jul 2016
Oh, look down there, that's Britain's new Prime Minister
Funny sort of holiday innit, hitch-hiking in the Swiss alps
Why is she flashing a thigh at the passing cars, dad?
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:05 02 Sep 2016
Look, there's somebody! Maybe they'll hit the like button!
I hear it's really good luck to hit the like button.
I hear that just the cool people do it!
By Al N. at 03:31 09 Oct 2016
Happy Halloween!
We have the best costumes this year!
Nobody would guess that we're the Clintons!
By Al N. at 21:19 24 Oct 2016
Baaaaaaaaaaad Mohamaaaaaaaad, baaaaaaaaaaaaad
Mohamad rapes me every day. Doesn't anyone hear me screaming?
I thought it was Dad doing it to ya baaaaaaaa
By Aspartame Boy at 00:43 27 Oct 2016
Baaaaaaaad Mohamaaaaaaaad Baaaaaaaaaad
Mohomaaaaaad raaaaaapes me every daaaaaaaaaay
I thought it waaaaaas you daaaaaaaaad
By Aspartame Boy at 00:50 27 Oct 2016
I can lip read that guy's lips-he hopes Trump goes away after he loses.
They think that narcissist will just disappear?
Even I know that that's not going to happen!
By Al N. at 05:58 27 Oct 2016
We are on a crusade.
We want to eliminate the phrase "Get Your Goat."
Won't you help?
By Al N. at 17:12 27 Oct 2016
Isn't that Trump and Bush's Cousin talking over there?
Oh My! What language! Billy, you better go to the back of the pen.
Oh MOM! I've heard all that before in the locker room!
By Al N. at 06:17 01 Nov 2016
Hey, isn't that Hillary?
She doesn't look too happy about the election.
She keeps saying "I'm going to get Comey!" What's that mean Mommy?
By Al N. at 03:33 11 Nov 2016
Oh no! Isis is coming. they're going to kidnap us and turn us into prostitutes
this is the end dear! they will rape us until we can be raped no more
why must my virginity have to go to those perverts
By Blenn Buck at 18:21 28 Mar 2017
Oh, so you're back at last, I thought you'd got lost,
I was only gone for a few minutes, I needed to spend a penny. Anyone scored yet?
Nah, our farmer missed a penalty for our village so it's still nil nil
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:44 02 May 2017
Is that Donald and Melania?
Looks like she doesn't want to hold his hand.
Ya, the .38 Special is a clue.
By Al N. at 03:00 26 May 2017
Yesterday a farmhouse, now charred ruins. It was 3am, our farmer was pissed.
Pissed or sober, the farmhouse kitchen was no place for our farmer to be.
His wife left him out a salad, but he decided to fry himself a sausage sandwich
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:34 06 Jun 2017
All this angling for position reminds me of George Orwell's Animal Farm.
I think 1984 is happening now also.
Is Trump Snowball and Putin Napoleon?
By Al N. at 20:54 26 Jun 2017
You think anyone will recognize us in these goat outfits?
I don't think so. All the rest of the CNN staff are wearing them.
Yeah. They work so well some ISIS screwed me. HE WAS ACTUALLY CNN%u203C%uFE0F
By Aspartame Boy at 04:25 05 Jul 2017
Nobody can tell we are the fugitive talking heads from CNN.
Fooled ISIS. One of their guys screwed me.
Mommy that was a CNN bastard! CNN is ISIS!
By Aspartame Boy at 04:29 05 Jul 2017
More fool them for putting up with it, no state pension age for goats is there!
Before they know it, none for them either.
But people are lucky, vulnerable people always pass government medicals!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:32 20 Jul 2017
No one can tell we are the fugitive leakers from Trump's staff.
I know. The Mooch gave me a sugar cube.
But MOMMY. Trump still grabbed your p....!
By Aspartame Boy at 02:41 28 Jul 2017
No one can tell we are the fugitive leakers from Trump's staff.
I know. The Mooch gave me a sugar cube.
But MOMMY. Trump still grabs your p.... and he fired the MOOCH.
By Aspartame Boy at 12:17 01 Aug 2017
No one can tell we are horney old fat ladies in goat suits.
I know. I USED to be horney.
Yeah, but now that Muslim men screw with us we get all we can handle.
By Aspartame Boy at 03:17 10 Aug 2017
No one can tell we are Whitehouse ANTIFA agents paid by Sorros.
My mission: get Trump in bed then throw on my goat costume.
That's when I take the compromising picture!
By Aspartame Boy at 20:50 13 Aug 2017
We ANTIFA have to cover our faces.
..and our feces.
That's not my Mom. I don't know these people.
By Aspartame Boy at 05:17 10 Sep 2017
I see people don't like Aspartame Boy's last contest entry.
Don't be so tactless Dad.
Yeah. They don't like me. So I'M gonna poop on them!
By Aspartame Boy at 12:35 11 Sep 2017
Not a wink of sleep again last night, I'm fed up with Molly's moo moo mooing.
She had her head over our fence, Molly was mooing with her head in our field.
I asked her not to but she just stared back at me and said 'moo, moo, moo'!
By Tommy Twinkle at 07:28 24 Sep 2017
Aspartame Boy, eat your grass like a good goat.
Yes Aspartame Boy, eat your grass for Mommy.
Oh come on! Let us take off these stupid costumes and SMOKE it!
By Aspartame Boy at 17:55 24 Sep 2017
Our kid's sad because Harry the horse told him there field is better than ours.
Our kid, you tell Harry that your mum said there grass is no greener than ours.
But Harry said there field has a barbed wire fence to scratch itchy bums on.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:28 25 Oct 2017
Scientists say the Universe should not EXIST.
Well! Then the Universe says SCIENTISTS should not exist.
Wait! Mom! Dad! I wanted to be a scientist. Now I will be just a goat!
By Aspartame Boy at 04:38 27 Oct 2017
Our kid wasn't getting to sleep by counting sheep
So I asked him to stay awake and count me all of the stars in the sky instead.
It's really difficult mum, I keep dropping off to sleep.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:40 09 Nov 2017
Im tired of eating grass all day.
But dear, it helps with your constipation.
Ah screw it Mom! Lets go back to smoking it, you old cow!
By Aspartame Boy at 10:21 10 Nov 2017
Getting old. Cant reach my butt to wipe it anymore.
Me too. Do what I do honey. Drag your butt on the grass to clean it.
Hey! I thought the grass tasted funny!
By Aspartame Boy at 20:52 10 Nov 2017
I read on that Santa converted to Islam.
I know. He tried to copulate with ME last night while you were snoring.
Hey! He told ME I would get a new toy if I let him tickle my tail!
By Aspartame Boy at 02:40 17 Dec 2017
I am a Moslem wearing a goat costume so I can have sex with you.
Gee honey, I wondered what was wrong with you down there!
Now I KNOW I was adopted!
By Aspartame Boy at 14:44 24 Dec 2017
Honey, I think diet soda has changed me.
Nonsense darling. Aspartame is the most tested poison out there.
Yeah right. We used to be a nice human family. Now look at us.
By Aspartame Boy at 02:48 30 Dec 2017
I invested all our money in some kind of crypto quantum cat box thing, OK?
Oh NO! Junior and I started our own crypto currency.
Yeah. The collateral is me. So far 53 Arab men have used me.
By Aspartame Boy at 03:22 03 Jan 2018
I see that Donald Trump is misbehaving himself, again.
Yes, it is so depressing. Even Tarquin here is better behaved, and house trained
Yes, and I probably smell better than Steve Bannon does.
By Ben Macnair at 14:00 06 Jan 2018
Hey family. What say we go out for dinner, eh?
You drunken dotard. You forgot you lost your license?
Oh great! Another meal of grass that everyone walks, poops and piddles on.
By Aspartame Boy at 00:41 07 Jan 2018
This Monsanto GMO grass tastes like crap.
Yeah. I sure miss the way grass used to taste.
You dotards! It tastes like crap because your sphincters let it fly everywhere.
By Aspartame Boy at 04:20 11 Jan 2018
See the paper honey? I can not find it.
Sorry dear. I ate it.
O great. More fiber. Now the grass will be covered in poop.
By Aspartame Boy at 03:29 17 Jan 2018
I was going to go fishing, honey. Where are the fish hooks?
Sorry sweetly; I ate them. And where is the dental floss by the way?
Oh boy. Follow the bloody spoor, guys. Yuck!
By Aspartame Boy at 03:50 25 Jan 2018
Dear, I want you to make a cake.
No can do. And I am not a deer, I am a goat, you old bull.
Yeah, and she makes a lot of pies, all over the grass! Ug! Stinky!
By Aspartame Boy at 05:16 29 Jan 2018
Somebody stole all my crypto currency.
Oh no! Now we have to eat grass!
You dotards should have been suspicious of anyone selling bitcoins to goats!
By Aspartame Boy at 20:25 31 Jan 2018
I don't think anyone would steal those words, luv.
All I know is that some words have gone from those captions
Probably used cheap glue to stick 'em to the bubbles. They've fallen off!
By Tommy Twinkle at 02:29 04 Feb 2018
Dear, how do you like the new format?
I love it! Now I can throw out my reading glasses!
Yeah RIGHT! Like either one of those old goattards could ever read!!
By Aspartame Boy at 03:42 04 Feb 2018
Tony Robbins says we can walk on hot coals. Shall we try?
OK. We can do it.
Sure. Maybe it will burn the GOAT POOP off our feet. GOATTARDS!
By Aspartame Boy at 02:26 06 Feb 2018
I lost all our money betting on the volatility index.
So no more hamburgers? We have to eat poopy grass?
Never trust s man that sells synthetic securities to goats. GOATTARDS!
By Aspartame Boy at 15:30 07 Feb 2018
It is time. Our family needs to buy some guns.
But we live in a gun-free zone!
Yeah right! Concentration camps were gun-free zones, for prisoners!
By Aspartame Boy at 16:12 25 Feb 2018
No one can tell I am Q. These goat costumes are a great disguise.
So you are not my husband. I thought you smelled funny.
Q? I THOUGHT you were queer!
By Aspartame Boy at 11:24 11 Mar 2018
So where's summer?
If they'd do it a thousand times we'd be in June now.
Turning your clocks forward by an hour isn't enough. It's still cold.
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:02 25 Mar 2018
When I find the dude put these orange tags in our ears I will butt him.
Yeah! Butt that bastard!
It is so embarrassing to have perverted parents.
By Aspartame Boy at 15:52 25 Mar 2018
The wife reckons a new picture is soon to replace this one.
I read about it in a newspaper.
False alarm folks, mum read about it in a newspaper!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:17 30 Mar 2018
You think I need a shave dear?
Oh yes that silly goat tee has to go.
Oh great. Now the grass will be covered in poop and RAZOR blades.
By Aspartame Boy at 05:29 02 Apr 2018
Oh, I thought the supermarket would give our farmer his money back.
Nah, supermarket manager said there's nothing wrong with it.
He said their all-day breakfasts do take 24 hours to eat if eaten very slowly.
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:59 05 Apr 2018
I ate some really strange grass. Am I acting goofy?
I ate the same grass as you honey. Am I acting goofy hubby?
Sheeeesh. How could you tell.
By Aspartame Boy at 11:56 05 Apr 2018
Our kid met the queeny yesterday.
She visited his little schooly and spoked to him after using the ladies boggy
She said 'Having a dump is one of life's greatest pleasures'.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:50 05 Apr 2018
Hey Junior. What is so funny about going to the bathroom!
Yeah you little rascal. What is so funny.
Watching you guys try to wipe yourselves!!
By Aspartame Boy at 01:50 06 Apr 2018
Hey I%u2019m tired of this stupid caption crap.
You wasted all these years and no points for it!
Yeah and I%u2019m hungry!
By Aspartame Boy at 18:51 14 May 2018
Did you know I hate being used in caption competitions?
Yes dear you just swore like a sailor about it.
I think he went senile a LONG timecago.
By Aspartame Boy at 11:12 18 May 2018
Ding dang it! That does it! No more!
Yeah! No more! Too much strain on TheSpoof!
Yeah! No more likes! We are putting in a HATE button!
By Aspartame Boy at 01:17 23 May 2018
Me so horny.
That never gets old.
Please kill me.
By ScottTalbotEvans at 00:07 29 May 2018 could not handle all those like!
Yeah! It was running out of resources. Too many likes!
Go ahead.%u201CLike%u201D us and put us out of our misery.
By Aspartame Boy at 23:18 01 Jun 2018
I am tired of standing here while people write stupid captions.
Yeah! My butt hurts from standing here.
Go ahead and put us out of our misery.
By Aspartame Boy at 06:55 06 Jun 2018
I heard they might legalize grass.
Thank goodness. I'm starving.
You mean this whole time I was breaking the law?
By ScottTalbotEvans at 02:23 22 Jun 2018
I didn't do it.
I don't recall.
Okay, you got me.
By ScottTalbotEvans at 23:41 07 Aug 2018
We are the new 3 Stooges! I'm Donnie!
I'm Jared!
And I'm Curly! I mean Larry! I mean Eric!
By Al N. at 03:55 09 Aug 2018
You know what really gets my goat?
We're not goats, we're sheep.
I though I was an Aries.
By ScottTalbotEvans at 02:23 10 Aug 2018
Hey! Listen to those drivers moo-ing at us!
Well, I never! Can't they tell the difference between a goat and a cow?
Hey, how'd that cow get a car?
By Al N. at 05:39 25 Aug 2018
The previous contest was 2011?
Can that be right?
Computers don't lie.
By ScottTalbotEvans at 04:50 15 Sep 2018
Are you joking?
No, I'm always kidding.
I'm Billy the Kidding!
By Absolute Bull at 07:53 14 Oct 2018
You've got to be joking! That can't be another Cabinet member sneaking away!
Like rats abandoning a sinking ship! Who's going to be left in Trump's Cabinet?
Just the ones too dumb to leave and the unlucky ones Trump doesn't fire!
By Al N. at 21:51 15 Dec 2018
Can you count them?
Three or four, I think.
Dull look about them. Must be Spoof followers.
By D. L. Hawkinson at 02:42 27 Oct 2019
Can you count them?
I can't count. But I can pound my hoof.
I hear seven. Seven dullards on this site. Losers! Get a job! BTW--you stink!
By D. L. Hawkinson at 04:01 12 Nov 2019
Humans! You know what they want . . .
Either my milk or my cheese or my rear flank.
And they want my backside, the perverts!
By D. L. Hawkinson at 04:03 12 Nov 2019
Trick or treat!
Smell our feet!
Give us some cans!
By Butch at 23:42 01 Apr 2020
Where's our farmer, I ain't seen him for over a week
Maybe he's one of them self isolators, luv.
Nah, it's his new TV. With 250 channels he ain't got any time to go out now.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:49 05 Apr 2020
I was on that Dragons Den yesterday showing them my idea..
A bit of string to tie a wrist to a trouser belt loop.
To stop people touching their face. But they all said 'I'm out'.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:50 10 Apr 2020
What Year Is It???
I'm Not Sure???
It's 2020. The Year Of The Goat!
By Scooter Nairns at 06:18 31 Aug 2020
I think this beard makes me look sexy
I think you look like a paint brush. What d'you think junior?
What do I know? I'm a f*cking kid!
By David Smith at 18:27 25 Nov 2020
Trump won the election!
Trump won the election!
Trump won the election! There we said it, Mr.Trump, so don't eat us!
By Stefano M. Stefano at 17:56 18 Dec 2020
I don't believe Junior is my son. I think you've been cheating on me.
That's ridiculous! Why would you say that?
By Stefano M. Stefano at 00:51 19 Dec 2020
I'm horny
I'm horny
I'm a little horny
By Ana Sian at 19:45 13 Apr 2022
I did not have sex with that Nanny!(intern)
Prong who you want, goat! I miss Houma.
State University? WTF! Tell it to Sasha!
By harrytrumanmo at 19:44 24 Mar 2023
I've never seen that bush before. I didn't graze on it.What's graze mean anyway?
Lips that have touched that bush will never touch mine again.
I'm off to a prestigious private college.The Obama girls can go to a public one.
By harrytrumanmo at 17:47 19 Apr 2023
I've never seen that bush. I didn't graze on it. What's the meaning of "graze"?
Lips that have touched that bush will never touch mine again.
I'm going to a private university. Let the Obama girls go to a public one!
By harrytrumanmo at 17:56 19 Apr 2023
I've never seen that bush before. I did not graze on it. What's graze mean?
Lips that have touched that Bush will never touch mine again.
Public university?Let the Obama girls go to one.
By harrytrumanmo at 18:06 19 Apr 2023

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