The despised world dictator, Vladimir Putin, also known as "Putski," was caught attempting to steal all the world's vodka and cabbage.
Sources close to Putin reveal that the Russian Autocrat fled the Kremlin in high heels and a pink tutu while screaming, "All the vodka and cabbage in the world must be mine!"
The FSB wasted no time in arresting him, charging him with the "attempted theft of global vegetables and alcoholic beverages."
Putin argued that he was merely following the example of his hero, Bugs Bunny, who once famously quipped, "I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque."
In a strange turn of events, Putin has resorted to wearing a fake mustache and dressing up in a giant carrot costume to avoid future detection.
