White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre reports a North Korea PT Boat that got within 2.8 miles of the Massachusetts coast was sunk by an unconventional experimental American naval vessel.
Dubbed The Great White Shark, this peculiar watercraft managed to sink the audacious Asian boat using a single torpedo. Reports suggest that the crew of The Great White Shark employed an arsenal of unconventional weapons, including the "bubble blaster", a device that emits a stream of giant soap bubbles towards enemy ships, enveloping them in a dense foam.
The submarine is touted as a class 1-A stealth sub and possesses an uncanny ability to evade detection by all known naval systems. Its cutting-edge technology incorporates a camouflage system that mimics the appearance of a giant rubber duck, confounding even the most advanced radar systems.
Experts at Power Vessels Inc., the makers of The Great White Shark, claim that the vessel's construction includes a blend of teflon-based materials. This innovation not only makes the sub slip through the water with almost zero resistance, but also ensures that any hostile projectiles ricochet harmlessly with a cartoonish "boing" sound.
Tin-pot North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un is said to be hopping mad at the demise of his beloved patrol torpedo boat. It was a gift from his grandfather Kim Il Sung and was an antique PT-69 built in 1943 that was used in the D-Day landings. Kim Il Sung acquired the boat from a former undercover Soviet agent with whom he had a brief affair when he was touring Europe. He had to high-tail it out of France in the boat after her husband caught Il Sung weighing anchor in her cape of good hope.
