Paris, France - (Lunatics): A nine-year-old girl named Sanna from Finland was not the first human on the moon, according to declassified Wiki-sneak Corporation secrets by founder Teixeira.
Teixeira revealed that the Congo Pygmies landed on the moon before Finland, but many people believe it's a hoax. The claim was verified with evidence from an interview with a Pygmy Chief in Teixeira's Wiki-sneak document. The Chief said he saw his Pygmies hunt an elephant on the moon while waving at him from there.
This news sent Sauli Niinistö into a rage when it reached his office, triggering a massive counter-intelligence lockdown to cover up the fact that Sanna developed mental issues on the moon after seeing a hotdog fall out of its bun. It turned out to be the only meal they had packed in her lunch box.
To this day, Sauli Niinistö's rearguard offensive dominates the European Union's official space program, obliterating any mention of the Pygmies building a fire on the dark side of the moon fifty years ago to keep warm.
Tonight, an eclipsed, half-blood full moon will traverse the southern horizon to commemorate the golden jubilee of Sanna's mission.
It's one massive, mendacious step for Sauli Niinistö, and one giant leap for Sanna who still hasn't figured out how to get off the moon because someone forgot to put fuel in the lander.
