Easter Monday today saw Jesus Christ himself rise from the grave and release the longest theological fart in history …
This of course happened in Israel, not Utah or wherever American evangelicals think Jesus was from. Bethlehem Palestine, not Bethlehem Pennsylvania … sigh …
Anyway, Jesus had to wipe afterwards. Believers immediately collected the holy toilet paper, kissed it, rubbed it over themselves and their family and friends – even the newborn babies! (and religion is not a mental health issue, why?)
And the stank – that was a 2000-year-old stench that poured like raw sewage from his holy ass. The devout raised their noses skyward and inhaled long and long … and many of them got boners or queefed in praise and joy for their Lord.
But the resurrection didn’t last long. Jesus has been in his grave for so long (he faked the first resurrection, like the moon landing, but if you tell a lie often enough …) that he scratched his belly and his balls, got some humus for the road, and walked across the Dead Sea, heading to …
China …
Even Jesus can be bought by the fucking Chinese!
(Here’s a Zen koan or a theological question perhaps not even the Pope has ever answered: Did Jesus know where China was located when he was here the first time? You’d think the Son of God would know his worldwide geography … and not just his Roman geography, hmmm?)
