The Pope was arrested late last night and quickly flown to The Hague, where his trial was ready and raring to go.
What’s the charge? Crimes against humanity … for the past 2000 years!
Holy fuck!
The Pontiff has plead not guilty by reason of … it wasn’t him, it was all the other Popes, he’s the new one and shouldn’t be charged with the crimes of every dead Pope who has escaped prosecution by the fact of being dead.
Once Pope Francis has his day in court, and is found guilty and crucified while wearing his best ermine robes, with fake blood on his hands and feet and ribcage … all the dead Popes and Vatican City itself will go on trial.
Some legal experts have proposed that the tiniest country in the world wouldn’t survive the Greatest Trial of All Time, and that it would be absorbed back into Italy. Unless Italian Catholics storm the Basilica and demand that they take over the nation and make it their own because they’ve lived consistently in Italy for centuries, even before the Romans and cave men.
Rumor has it that the Pope has a hollowed tooth for an arsenic pill, but to kill himself would be a sin and a crime. However, on a good note, Catholic scholars are currently trying to re-write doctrine to make suicide a holy act if the Pope does it.
Will they succeed? Or will the Pope have to answer for the atrocities committed by his earlier namesakes?
This reporter has a hefty wager in Vegas, riding on the outcome. Come on The Hague, mama needs a new pair of stiletto heels!
