Kim Jung Un has ordered all North Koreans to fast for the next 30 days and drink small quantities of arsnic in commemoration of his lost pet Kim Jung Kong. The pet and favorite of Kim Jung Un was lost in the missile explosion, attempting to be the first North Korean Astronaut, along with an alleged weather satellite,which was really just a simple weather radio being sent up to see if there were any weather stations in space.
Foreign press and journalists were allowed unprecedented access to Kim Jung Un in his hour and 3 minutes of sadness, as he cried over the charred remains of his friend. He then spoke in broken English to the reporters (also known as journalists and press). "I speak to you now not as a leader of a warped and sad country, but as a father who has lost a child. I now know what Ronald Reagan must have felt when he lost Gonzo...or when Jane Goodall lost a friend in the wild. To me Kong was not just a friend, but the future of this country. With his new wisdom from space travel I was counting on him for many wise answers to my questions like, "How is it possible to chew a pencil eraser off of the end of a Rhino's horn? Sadly this will now have to wait until we perfect cloning. But, this will have to wait until after our next nuclear test.... which will have to wait until I damn well feel like it... Thank you..."
Kim Jung Un then appeared to go comotose, but then suddenly awoke and looked surprised to see so many people in the room with him, "You must all go now, my mummy is coming soon."
As we exited the room a person wrapped completely in strips of ancient looking cloth was being lead into the room.
