Biden loses it when Victoria Nuland refers to Zelensky as "a twisted hunk"

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 10 March 2023

image for Biden loses it when Victoria Nuland refers to Zelensky as "a twisted hunk"
Shortly following her statement Ms. Nuland said she needed a nap

The President is rumored to be annoyed at Ms. Nuland's recent reference to Mr. Zelensky.

"It makes us look whack-o," he supposedly said.

However, spokespersons from Ms. Nuland's office have vociferously emphasized that the use of "twisted" in Ms. Nuland's phrasing was complimentary.

"Of course," they said. "Has she not been consistent throughout this Ukraine conflict and with her admiration and praise for the Ukraine president?"

Ms. Nuland herself has personally come before a microphone to put forth a statement:

"The term 'twisted' does not automatically imply mental deviation or some kind of psychological imbalance," she said. "Not at all. May I remind you of the entirety of this language, which derives from myself.

"That is, I once referred to the blown-up Nord Stream pipelines as 'a twisted hunk of metal lying at the bottom of the sea.' Some have detected an air of jubilation in this expression--be that as it may.

"Am I disappointed at bombing the enemy? Of course not!

"What's that? One of my aides is interrupting. All right, of course the Germans who are not our enemy own half the pipeline! Now, please! Mouth shut while I continue!

"The use of the verb twist--and by the way I was misheard; I said twisting, not twisted!

“Anyway, I mean a compliment here. A hunk is very strong, and anyone that can twist, say, steel, is very very strong!

“That is the sense I was using the phrase. Mr. Zelensky is a twisting hunk! Now do you mind if I get on with my lunch?

“What's that? Do I intend the US should train Ukraine pilots to fly F-16's and bomb Crimea from 32,000 feet?

“Isn't the answer obvious? Now, please! Get out of my way!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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