Murdaugh dreams of another life

Funny story written by Jake de Fake

Friday, 3 March 2023

image for Murdaugh dreams of another life
"I could've been in Russia with a young girlfriend," says Murdaugh.

Former South Carolina attorney Richard "Alex" Murdaugh was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences Friday after being convicted of a terrible crime.

What happened? There's a missing piece to the puzzle! Murdaugh is a seasoned prosecutor himself!

Someone would say, "The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind."

"For your terrible crime, Mr. Murdaugh, I sentence you to prison for the rest of your natural life," the judge continues, "your statements, in your defense, were not credible or believable."

"If you made any such arguments as a lawyer, you'd lose every case," said the judge.

Could it be that prosecutor's have an easy time swimming down river while defense attorneys have a difficult time swimming up river.

Prosecutor's are given credible forensic evidence on a silver platter, by police detectives. On the other hand, defense lawyers spend their whole lives developing techniques to win every difficult court case they get.

The judge references Murdaugh's opioid addiction.

In the judges own words, “And it might not have been you," the judge said. "It might have been the monster you became when you take 15, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 opioid pills. Maybe you became another person.”

Illegal drugs do destroy nations. At one time, opioid drugs nearly destroyed all of China.

Yes, it was illegal drugs that brought him down because any reasonable person would know that the odds of winning are not good and running is the only option.

In Murdaugh's case, because of his experience, he was personally aware of every legal angle that leads to a conviction. He must have known the odds were against him. Opioids clouded his mind with vision's of Cajun Santeria and good luck voodoo charms that don't work.

The only option for Murdaugh was a great escape to a stable county, after his crime.

Pelaratti, a mafia lawyer explains, "If you do need to escape a country, a crucial factor in deciding where to go is whether or not the host country has an extradition treaty with the country you're leaving from," said Pelaratti during a press interview with Weirdo News before his own escape.

An extradition treaty is the legal mechanism countries use to pull alleged criminals out of other countries.

Pelaratti recommend Vatican City and Russia as the most economically sound and the safest places for migration.

A long list of other options include: China, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Cuba, Ethiopia, Dr Congo, Vietnam, Iran, Uganda, Sudan, Algeria, Afghanistan, Morocco, Angola, Uzbekistan, Mozambique, North Korea, Nepal, Cameroon, Niger....etc.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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