Satan has decided to run for the governor of Texas. He says he’s seen Gregg Abbott and Ted Cruz, and figures he can do a better job at being evil.
“I mean, those guys are good, but I’m Satan …Da Man! I know evil – I live and breathe it – you don’t fuck with the master. I can ship migrants all over America – hell, I can blame everything on foreigners – lost your job, wife left you, kids hate you, you’re going bald, that waitress keeps laughing at you … blame the migrants! And when the state really needs a governor to do something about a problem, I’ll be on the first plane to Mexico faster than Cruz can get his cowboy boots on! Evil trumps evil! Go PURE EVIL or go home!”
The Prince of Darkness laughed his evil laugh and gave this reporter a campaign button, reading “Accept No Substitutes – Vote for Pure Evil! Vote Satan!”
Satan’s has said that if he doesn’t win, it was due to voter fraud and the influence of the Canadian governmental hackers on American elections – it wasn’t his fault, he swears.
