Are single, childless women a tool of the devil?
Several pastors from various churches – the Bleeding Heart of Jesus, Mother Mary Quite Contrary, the Agonizing and Seeping Wounds of God, and Snake Handlers ‘R Us – have all gotten together to form a committee against women who dare to not abide by the rules.
Pastor Chevron Witchhunter says: “Friends, the Bible tells us that women are the servants of men, and therefore they must be married at all times. Even when they are little bitty babies, they should have some form of arranged marriage waiting for when they have their first bloodening, and are ready to produce children for the Lord … if that’s at 12 years old, or 11, or …well, the Lord works in magical ways, and the laws of Republican states have spoken.”
Reverend Hugh Gadoogooder says: “Why wouldn’t a woman want to be married? Maybe to more than one husband, traded, shared around, always pregnant with somebody’s child? If Jesus doesn’t like that, then I ain’t no snake handler! I’ve gotten a few wives knocked up – not my wives, and I won all my court cases saying I was NOT the daddy ( but I was, hee hee). Those womenfolk just don’t like to lie down and spread for the Lord.”
In various states in America, there is no age requirement to get married. According to the Indy100 website: “Among the states that have no lower age limit for marriage are California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, Long Island, West Virginia and New Mexico. Other states allow children to get married at age 14 or 16 with parental consent, but these 13 have no lower age limit at all.”
Oddly, many of those are Democrat states … hmmmm … was Jeff Epstein a Democrat or a Reb?
Either way – Praise Jesus and pass the wedding rings! Put down those lollipops, kids, you is getting’ married today, going back to school to maybe get shot tomorrow!
America … the beautiful.
