Adjacent Press--In a mega-move sure to attract supporters of the Once and Future Dictator, FOX will offer for fall 2023 their newest reality show, The Most Eligible Neo-Fascist. The show will feature several rising Neo-Fascists in the Republican Party, of both genders (but no non-binaries), including Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Scott Perry, Lauren Boebert, George Santos, and Kari Lake, among others.
One of the more eligible of the Fascistas, recently divorced Marjorie Taylor Greene, boasts that she loves God, Israel, and men with hot abs who proudly display the Confederate Flag. She also promises, if she is lucky enough to become the nation’s Most Eligible Neo-Fascist, that she will work to make sure Donald Trump is appointed president in 2024, so he can free all the “legitimate protestors” who failed to hang Mike Pence on January 6.
Matt Gaetz, newly married to Ginger Luckey in 2021, pledges to never cheat on his new wife with anyone under the age of 17 and wants to amend the Constitution to make the office of president a lifetime appointment with absolute power over Congress, at least for Republicans elected to the highest office in the land.
Lauren Boebert, another hot contestant for Most Eligible Neo-Fascist, brags from a local bowling alley that her husband does indeed have a tattoo on his— (Oh, wait, that’s the oppo research from Marjorie Taylor Greene.) Boebert claims to want to establish in the United States, “one nation under God, but not Allah, Shiva, Zoroaster, or Buddha.” Boebert says she hasn’t made up her mind yet about Joseph Smith.
As for George Santos, who claims that Donald Trump fathered him when he had a brief liaison with presidential hopeful Nikki Haley back in the late 1980s, he says he should be the nation’s Most Eligible Neo-Fascist because he graduated from the United States Naval Academy and Harvard University with dual degrees in Naval Engineering and Divinity.
Kari Lake, perhaps the hottest among the female contestants for Most Eligible Neo-Fascist, when interviewed said that unless she is declared the Most Eligible Neo-Fascist in the first round, the whole contest was rigged from the beginning. Lake says, if she loses, she plans to sue all the contestants and the “lamestream media” represented by FOX News.
