BEAVER LIPS, Oregon - (Satire News) - The oldest living tree in the world may have to be chopped down.
The tree which is named "El Grande Guapo Arbol," is located in Oregon's famed Gusano Feo National Park.
According to the nation's leading expert on trees, Myrick Googood, the tree is 7,392 years old, and it was recently inspected, and was found to have traces of the dreaded Terlingua Termites.
The TT's as they are known have been known to completely destroy an adult 30 foot tree in as little as 2 hours and 25 minutes.
The world's oldest tree managed to survive the Woodpecker Attack of 1707, and category 5 Hurricane Goldilocks in 1965.
The US Department of Forestry maintains that if "El Grande Gaupo Arbol" is not cut down, it could end up falling and possibly hurting dozens of squirrels, woodchucks, deer, turkeys, stray dogs, canaries, possums, flamingos, and zebras.
