The Greek god of fertility is making a comeback in modern-day America ever since the enlightened Supreme Court has ruled that women have no control over their reproductive systems.
Priapus is all about dick. He’s got an oversized, constantly-erect penis, everywhere, all the time. And right-wing men and women in Trumpland (south of Washington DC) love it.
“I love big dick cuz they make lotsa babies!”
“Wooo-doggy! Dang! Hell yeah! Is that Jesus?”
Some yokels – I mean, locals – in Kentucky have already made fake photos of Jesus with a big penis and pictures of mostly naked Donald Trump also with a YUGE bulge pushing out his loincloth, making him look both Jesus and Priapus.
This reporter saw several women on their knees praying to the painting of the big dick Trump. I asked who they were praying to, and why.
“Donald Trump is the new Jesus and he’s gonna give us all babies!”
“We want babies from God! I’m gonna be a Mother Mary!”
“I hope I have a virgin birth when Trump returns to impregnate every woman in America. You just wait! There’s gonna be a new generation born only from superior Trump seed!”
But, I asked, if Jesus was born from a virgin, then why worship Priapus?
“We ain’t worshipping no fake pagan god! That’s Trump-Jesus – a new American god, like Elvis or JFK! Don’t bring none of your atheist Al-Qaeda bullshit round here! Virgins can get screwed by gods and not feel anything! Read your Bible!”
I couldn’t argue with her impeccable logic.
She got back down on her knees, and set back women’s rights about 100 years. Well, no, the Supreme Court did that. She and her fellow Priapus-worshipers are just keeping women’s rights back where they belong, in the Stone Age.
Which means it’s a good time to have a penis, if you’ve got one.
Gentlemen and Priapus-Jesus-Trump lovers … start your screwing!
