SACRAMENTO – (Satire News) – The Golden State has just issued a proclamation banning Christmas.
A spokesperson for Governor Gavin Newsom stated that after days and days of fiery debate, the California senate has decided that it is just too damn effen dangerous to celebrate Christmas this year, due to the Coronavirus.
The spokesman noted that, if the local law enforcement officers see anyone wearing a Santa Claus suit, the individual will be arrested on the spot, and charged with violating the Christmas directive, as well as disobeying the 1991 Ipso St. Nickanogalitus Amendment.
The California Christmas tree industry has said that they are going to have to lay off hundreds of lumberjacks, as well as flat-bed truck drivers.
Meanwhile, the Kardashian family has revealed that they have already spent over $3 million decorating their mansions with Christmas lights, ornament displays, and actors portraying the three wise men, Joseph, Mary, the Baby Jesus, and Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.
When it was suggested that they simply return everything, Courtney Kardashian started crying, and said that they threw away all the receipts.
A representative for the state said she was so sorry, and mentioned the old Connecticut cliché…tuff titty, said the kitty.
