HOLLYWOOD, CA - Bruce Jenner shocked the world with his announcement that "he" plans on having his genitals replaced, so "he" can be the woman of his dreams.
Once the sex-change surgery is completed, Mr. Jenner plans to complete his transformation into a woman by dumping "his" bleeding-heart liberal Democratic party and becoming a cold-blooded Republican.
In order to complete the transformation, Mr. Jenner has scheduled a cutting-edge operation: He plans on having his heart removed and will have an additional brain implanted in his chest. He also plans to have his tear ducts removed to hide any feelings that may still exist.
