Scotland - 'Mayday! Mayday! Extraterrestrial space shit attack!'
The SOS message, picked up Saturday evening on marine emergency frequencies, saw Scotland's premier eerie loch trawled by rescue services after locals reported seeing a large blue balloon-shaped object crashing into the murky waters.
Early speculation said it might be a missing Red Arrows pilot, ejected in his Martin-Baker Mark 10B rocket boosted seat following the Bournemouth Air Show tragedy yesterday afternoon.
However the 470 mile distance between the two UK sites soon saw the idea scotched as MoD sources questioned the Raf Hawk Jet seat's capability of flying so far north 'of its own volition', prevailing northerlies notwithstanding.
Emergency response teams were scrambled amid reports of a plume of luminescent electric blue steam spiralling out of the monster-strewn waters soon after impact.
A whiff of sulphur, smoldering magic mushrooms and rocket fuel hung around the Loch's misty southern shores near Dores as residents scrambled around for their tin foil hats.
Police, coastguard, RNLI lifeboat and 'even that Prince William feller in his RAF search/rescue chopper' soon descended on the area according to Urqhart Castle resident Hamish McSporran.
"Och aye, we nioo must ha' been a massive space turd dive-bombing the Loch from 30,000ft," McSporran added.
"Probably mistook us for Balmoral Castle, given the Queen's resident there right now."
Last year a similar chunk of 'alien blue ice' fell on The Kremlin prompting Russian conspiracy theorists to query if the International Space Station toilet payload had been wired to target the Moscow landmark.
Buzz Aldrin is 69.
