British Government to Ban Snacking

The British Government today announced measures to ban snacking, a spokesman said, "too many of you lazy people are getting fat and between meals snacking is a prime culprit". Evidence from the Statistical Office suggests that the average Briton eats between 3 and 4 kilo's of junk food a day and a banana every six weeks, five weeks if they're middle class. Combination locks on refrigerator doors and food cupboards will be introduced, and individuals will have to phone a government helpline to get permission to remove a carefully weighed portion of food and the entry code for the doors. A pilot scheme will run from August this year on MP's themselves. In reaction, both Nicholas Soames MP and Boris Johnson MP were too tearful to comment. John Prescott, who last year ate a large pig, followed by 17kg of sherry trifle, seems the only dissenting voice within the Labour benches.