The latest casualty of Phillip Schofield's myriad lies is the Government, which resigned en masse earlier today.
Prime Minister Rishi Sunak said he was sorry for not finding out earlier that Schofield had lied about not having an affair with a colleague at work on the television channel where he worked. "As Prime Minister," he said, "I must take ultimate responsibility for letting everyone down."
Home Secretary Suella Braverman, who refused to resign over other personal issues, also took the plunge. "This is far more serious than leaking state secrets or breaking the law. This goes to the integrity of ITV, the channel where Schofield worked for 20 years. I have therefore decided to resign and forego my Ministerial pension."
The Labour Party has demanded to know whether former Prime Minister Boris Johnson knew about the affair, and if he did, why he didn't do anything about it, calling for his resignation, though he doesn't actually hold any job from which he could resign.
Up and down the country, people were shaking their heads with sadness. One man in Manchester said, "I’ve cheated on my wife throughout my marriage and lied about it, but I never lied to a co-presenter on television. That’s very serious."
His wife agreed, saying, "I’ve cheated on my husband and had threesomes with his brothers. I even once did it with a donkey, but that’s nothing compared to lying to your colleague at work."
Schofield is a household name who has entertained television audiences for decades with his boyish charm. He formerly hosted a breakfast show with a female presenter, Holly Willoughby. Willoughby asked him about his alleged affair, which was only a rumor at the time. Schofield denied it. When he admitted the affair to her five minutes later, Willoughby was so distressed at having been lied to that she collapsed on air and had to be taken by air ambulance to St Bartholomew’s Hospital for Snowflakes, where doctors have reported that her condition is stable.
