And lo! They did bring out the Holy Hand Grenade, and all cheered and bowed low and kissed the earth that was trod upon by the King...
How medieval is Britain? The nation itself was created by Merlin the Wizard in the year 3, and from then on, it decided it needed kings and queens.
Sorry, old bean, but this is the 21st century. Did I get that right? We're at 23 centuries beyond when Jesus saith unto King Arthur, "Take my hand grenade and piece of the True Cross and my Holy Foreskin and Holy Grail and make unto yourselves a Royal Family... and milk it forever and ever and ever... long after its due date has become dated."
Britain is still battering on about Brexit, and the Russians and Chinese are salivating to get their hands on Stonehenge and drive tanks down Pall Mall and give the "Britons" a taste of their ancient medicine. (Oh, so that's what it's like to be invaded and controlled by foreigners! Rum news, what?)
What am I trying to say? Can you please get rid of these pomp and perfumed gits and try, just try, to come up to speed in this time zone and not settle yourselves down in an era that existed before the invention of the light bulb and Darwin and the French Revolution.
(Your old enemies got rid of their king and queen, and things have gone swimmingly so far for them... is Macron returned from Fascist China yet? Is protest a French art, like 3,000 kinds of cheese and well-executed sodomy?)
Does Charles make you better or worse? Simple question, easily answered... still waiting for an answer... the years, the years are ticking and tocking...
I didn't watch that shite. Not my king... yes, it is, you created him, but you haven't given him his walking papers. How long, O Lord, how long is this gonna fucking take? 21st-century Schizoid Man?!
Could you imagine Britain in, say, the year 3000...
The grandson-son-son-son-son of Charles and Camilla with a bowler dented and ripped, hobnailed boots flapping their loose soles, eyes scanning the sidewalk for a dog end... Aqualung, my friend (and Prince Andrew is "watching the pretty panties run", see what happens when you stay medieval too long, dammit!), or something out of Samuel Beckett... spare a bob, a quid, a crypto, gov'nah?
Like the bowler hat? Nice touch, that... add an umbrella and a pair of wellies, and Britain will not have changed in 3,000 years... still arguing Brexit and toting the Holy Hand Grenade into another house of royal worship for all the world to see and ask, "Christ! When will that fucking old syphilitic wizard remove his robe and put on a goddamn suit and tie!"
