Long married couple Gary and Lorraine Johnson are looking for a very cheap night out on Valentine's day.
'It seems that Valentine's day is getting more and more expensive' said Gary 'Lorraine and myself just want a quite night out that won't cost the earth, where we will not be surrounded by a group of gormlessly happy other couples'.
'Where ca we go for a night like that?' asked Lorraine.
'You could go to the chippy' suggested 17 year old son, who is hoping for a quiet night with potential girlfriend Sarah Fitzmaurice.
'I just want them to be out of the house for a while' said Thomas. 'I know, why don't you go where Brian Asshat goes? That is bound to be cheap, empty and unromantic' he concluded.
