Now that Chucky is king (when is she gonna bump off – at my age I’ve got maybe ten years to be king – the throne won’t even have my ass dent in it before William takes over), there are certain things that he is no longer allowed to do.
As seen in a video, Charles cannot be allowed to shift a solid silver ink stand a little to the right to get it away from where he will pick up an ostrich feather and write his first royal decree.(Did he steal the bloody pen? Call Scotland Yard and watch them do nothing about it! No, wait, the pen is having its revenge – its spilling all over him and making his kingly fingers blue – Scotland Yard, where are you?!)
Also, the King is not longer allowed to dress himself, nor feed himself. Yes, there are royal food tasters, but they no longer die if the food is poisoned. There is no point in poisoning any king since they’re barely in charge anymore (just get to keep lots of free money for just being themselves), so the tasters get to live and sample royal food before it fully enters the royal mouth and departs the royal anus.
The king shall not, heretofore and forever as long as the apes of Gibraltar fling their feces and the Realm regally remains … ahem … he isn’t allowed to wipe his own bum. Yep, there’s a guy who does that for him. And keeps the royal shit in a freezer in a royal museum for future scientists to analyze, should they wish to do so.
Due to all the things Chuck cannot do for himself anymore (if he ever did them in the first place) he will no longer be needing his hands. They will be entered into cold storage (but a different one to where his shit will be kept, so as not to soil them too much), although he won’t be able to retrieve them because … he has no hands. Not to worry, a hand-wrangler has been hired, at 100K a year, to do nothing but wait if Charles ever wants to use his hands again. (Man, Britain must have a lot of money if they can pay for someone to do this, and other ridiculous Royal babysitting duties. But, alas, who drives the babysitter home? See below … it’s Andrew.)
It’s good to be the king. I wonder who wanks him? An official Royal wanker? Camilla? Or one of Camilla’s lady’s maids who’s young and hot and who Andrew vouched for? (No scientists or historians will ever be allowed to study that level of his royal person’s person.)
