A nan has started preparing for Christmas by putting the sprouts on a low simmer to ensure they are at optimum indistinguishable mushiness on the big day.
Veronica Perkins, 67, said, “I spend thirty-seven hours putting little crosses in 22,000 sprouts every year ready for a four-week boiling, but it’s worth it. There’s nothing worse than when they’re undercooked.”
Mrs Perkins went on to say that Christmas is her favourite time of year.
“It’s wonderful. Nothing says The Perfect Day like forcing twelve drunk people onto a three-seater sofa to watch a speech from a 95 year old woman they don’t care about, before sitting in front of a repeat of Only Fools and Horses while holding in the buildup of wind from my secret recipe sage and blueberry balls. I’m always sad when it’s over for another year.”
Veronica likes to do things the traditional way, but she does admit to having a bit of help from modern technology.
“Oh yes, my grandson got me one of those Alexis thingies to remind me of the time. Last year I didn’t remember to put the sprouts on ‘til the fourth of December and Christmas was almost ruined.
If it hadn’t been for my granddaughter entertaining us by playing Jingle Bells on her new recorder, it would have been a complete disaster.”
