The Cabinet Secretary’s secretary (no relation) has issued a strong warning that in future, before anyone with a funny name is appointed to ministerial position the Cabinet Secretary’s secretary’s secretary (look, it’s all up front, straight up) must be consulted. Otherwise, the government will become a laughing stock.
“It was bad enough when the other lot were in, with Ed Balls. Well, you know what schoolboy humour is like,” said a spokesperson (it’s a proper apprenticeship, accounted for, all right?), “but now we’ve got Liz Truss. Well, it all gets pretty ribald. She hardly gets any support. No, that’s not right. Doesn’t provide any support.” A vacancy for a spokesperson has recently arisen.
Rumours that Mr Hancock resigned as Secretary of State for Health because corruptions of his name were circulating round the Upper Sixth… members’ rooms have been strenuously denied, as has the suggestion that aggrieved medical staff were using the name of his predecessor, Jeremy Hunt as rhyming slang when referring to particularly difficult persons.
The Prime Minister said world leaders must do more about the situation, to loud cheers from his side of the House, although a new back-bencher later complained that a whip pulled a wedgie on him. You don’t get to be a whip unless you like it.
