Hot off the press, commenting today on the reported pedalo gift for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations, Mr Nigel Workshy, speaking for the Green Party said:
' I'm all in favour of the zero emissions the pedalo will cause, but bear in mind all the motor boats with the papparazzi on board, trying to get a snap of the Queen's knickers as she pedals along....dirty bastards.'
Health and safety executive, Mr Fred Offerton,(known to his friends as 'F. Off')said a risk assessment had taken place and there was 'no chance' that the H & S could authorise the pedalo trip. He also stated that after his report Prince Philip had phoned him up and told him where to 'stick his documentation,' which would have been difficult because it was several inches thick.
A Buck House spokesman refused to confirm or deny the Prince's remarks, but said that Mr Offerton should go where his friends would like him to go.
Mr Offerton was also unavailable for comment last night as he was busy greasing his backside.
