After the right royal stink created by reported plans of a new yacht as a gift to the Queen to commemorate her 60 years on the throne, it has been reported today that those plans have now been scrapped in favour of a much cheaper, tax payer friendly pedalo.
Bob Smurfit, managing director of boat building firm, 'The Big Drink', has been put in charge of creating an extra special pressie for Queenie on her 'big day':
' You could've knocked me over with a wet trout when I was told we had won the contract to build her Maj's vessel, me hearty! Ooh, it's gonna be a goodun, trust me! Standard double seater with a bit of red velvet thrown in to 'royal it up' for 'er and 'im indoors, room at the back for the corgis, and the icing on the cake is gonna be gold plated pedals and ermine covered life belts....the old bird's gonna love it! She'll be belting down 'Old Father Thames' like a cod on speed!'
When questioned whether he considered the plans for a pedalo as wholly appropriate for the 85 year-old Head of State, Mr. Smurfit stated:
' Why not? We all need a bit of exercise. It'll do 'er the world of good, and if she gets a bit knackered along the way, there's a few nice looking, available-on-the-day rubbish barges that'll be able to give 'er a tow.
I'm gonna be beaming with pride when I see 'er givin' it a bit of leg in me pedalo. It'll shiver me timbers and warm me cockles!'
Reports say that the craft will please the tax payer no end, costing the public purse a very reasonable £25.50 - £3.50 for the vessel, and the rest to cover Mr. Smurfit's copy of 'The Sun' and his daily packet of snuff.
Public opinion is still mixed regarding the new pedalo plans. Hackney resident, pensioner Bert Flange said:
'Bleeding liberty it is. Putting the old girl on a pedalo up the Thames? If I 'ad my way that miserable old greek burke 'usband of 'ers would be swimming up it.'
The Royal Press Office was unavailable For comment this afternoon, however a palace insider has been exclusively quoted as saying that the Queen is 'less than impressed' and believes that 'someone must be taking the piss here'.
