Amersterdamit - A group of highly-organized stoners known as The High As Fuck Games are reportedly close to obtaining approval to host what would be the very first, bi-annual event, similar to the Olympics...
But where the competitors will all be high as fuck.
"The High As Fuck Games' athletes will represent their country, as well as their drug of choice," explained tournament director, Hans Upandownaggen, who faxed the Games 6 page proposal to all European Authorities involved with the matter—as well as many that weren't.
"You've not seen anything quite like a meth marathon, or cocaine tennis," assures Hans, which will actually feature a mixed-doubles event, combining genders and drugs. "That one could get wild!"
According to Hans, all athletes at The Games will have to consume an exact amount of drugs or alcohol, based on their body weight, prior to their event.
Fair enough.
"It's all primo shit, too," explained Hans. "Like, really, really good stuff. I doubt many of the athletes will have come across stuff like the shit we've got waiting for them."
U.S. athletes are generally excited about the inaugural 'High AF' Games, and most can't wait to dip into some of the reported 'primo shit of their dreams.'
"Shit yeah," said Buzz Snapshard, from Tampa, Florida, who'd kill for a spot on the coked-up wrestling squad. "I been trainin' fo' years fo' this shit," he said, wiping his nose a helluva lot. "Let's go!"
Indeed, there are many athletes, from PCP Long Jumpers, to Heroine High Divers, rising up (if they can) to say that the High AF Games are long overdue.
"It all started back in '60's, I wanna say..?" guessed Brodie Chillswish, who hopes to compete in the competitive THC Street Skateboarding and Half Pipe events. "LSD Surfing, too," he adds with a bleary-eyed grin. But skatin' on weed has been my focus since I first got high in fifth grade."
"Look, humans have been getting fucked-up and competing in sporting events since the dawn of time," Director Hans reminds us, as we drive out to watch a showcase event for Women's Drunk Golf.
"I'm positive that The High As Fuck Games will soon become must-see TV!" exclaimed Hans, handing me a neon pink helmet. "Believe me, you're gonna need this," he advised, pulling up to the course.
