Major League Baseball will now issue fines to players who spit their chewing tobacco on the dugout floor

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 4 May 2023

image for Major League Baseball will now issue fines to players who spit their chewing tobacco on the dugout floor
Studies show that chewing tobacco attracts flies, mosquitoes, and spiders.

The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that MLB Commissioner Rob "The Man" Manfred is sick and tired of having to pay millions of dollars to remove nasty, vulgar, sickening tobacco juice stains from the floors of MLB dugouts.

Manfred has issued a proclamation, effective immediately, that any player who is caught spitting his tobacco in the dugout will be hit with a $25,000 fine.

He noted that if that player spits his tobacco a second time, he will be suspended for three games, in addition to being tasked with cleaning up the mess using a mop and Dawn Detergent.

Manfred's crackdown on tobacco spitting brings to mind a similar incident involving the iconic Babe Ruth in 1932. Ruth found himself in hot water over spitting in the dugout. The official league sponsor tobacco was "Knuckleball Nibble", but Babe defiantly popped in a pinch of "Ruth's Rebel Chew" during a game, much to the chagrin of league officials.

Ruth was fined $20 and made to perform the "baseball ballet" during the seventh-inning stretch. Ruth, dressed in a frilly tutu and ballet slippers gracefully pirouetted, pliƩd, and twirled on the pitcher's mound, much to the amusement of the spectators.

The incident sparked a heated debate, but was settled swifty by Ruth's management team. The following year all game goers under 14 years were handed a free sample of Ruth's Rebel Chew.

SIDENOTE: The manager of the world champion Houston Astros, Dusty Baker, commented that he is thrilled at Manfred's ruling, adding that he has had it with getting those disgusting chewing tobacco stains on his baseball cleats and then tracking that mess into his 2023 Lamborghini's carpet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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