Flushing, NY – As the 2023 MLB season hits full swing, numerous contributors have started and added to several subreddits claiming that the beloved Mr Met, the eponymous mascot for the New York Mets, is in fact a raging, drunken bigot.
The out-of-focus pictures all seem to show the adored figure stumbling around different locales with purple, sparkly skin and a horn on his head. We think it's a horn anyway. A few grainy photos even show him purportedly performing at public events.
When questioned about it, Mr Met’s publicist was quoted as apologizing while fighting back tears:
“Yes. We’re aware of the Reddit posts and pictures. A lot of them are true but not for the reasons you all think. Mr Met was asked during the off-season to stand in for Lucky, the miserable wretched Boston Celtics mascot, to show up at a couple of games and do some positive PR for an otherwise horrible organization…”
The publicist shook her head as she continued to speak mournfully.
“I just found out about this myself a few hours ago. I would’ve told him not to do it… So of course, Mr Met wasn’t misappropriating Unicorn culture. He had slipped a basketball mask over his head and called himself Mr Celtic, you know, to honor the mascot code and help a fellow mascot out. He couldn’t even hardly see outta that mask as he was regularly losing his balance. You know Mr Met can’t say no to doing a kind deed or to helping somebody… He tried to extend some goodwill to an awful place like Boston, and this is the thanks he gets. To be accused of…” And she scampered off, not finishing her last sentence.
Wonderful Mr Met, a raging, drunken bigot? I think not. Not him. No way… Boston, the shithole capital of a baboon’s ass? Well, those weren’t my words…
