DALLAS - (Satire News) - Sports Balls Illustrated Daily writer Dottie Bazooka says she recently talked to Cowboys owner Jerry Jones at a Whataburger in Dallas about the future of his star running back Ezekiel Elliott.
Dottie noted that the octogenarian, who is having trouble with his Xiphoid Process, told her he has just released Elliott because he just got fed up with the 'once great' running back's off-the-field and on-the-field shenanigans.
Jones said that during the last game of the season, Zeke grabbed one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders by her ponytail and spun her around like a damn top.
Luckily a near-by Dallas Police Department officer saw the incident and he quickly tased Elliot, hitting him with 51,000 volts of electricity in his pants region.
A little later at the start of the fourth quarter Zeke took a full container of orange Gatorade and poured it over one of the stadium hot dog vendors who refused to give him three free hot dogs. He then took a few bites out of one of the hot dogs and threw it back at the vendor, remarking "you don't give me no free hot dogs, but you can enjoy this one for free!"
SIDENOTE: Miss Bazooka also noted that when told by Coach Mike McCarthy to stop singing 'Baby Shark' while on the sideline, Elliott got so upset he took his helmet and angrily threw it up into the stands knocking out a cotton candy vendor.
