DALLAS - (Sports Satire) - Jerry Jones is thrilled to announce that his kicker problem may be solved, after he sees a female soccer-style kicker from California kick field goals from 62, 73, and 87 yeards, yes 87 yards!
Jones told the assembled media at the tryout invitational that Lucy Lou Tacoma, 22, is the most amazing kicker he has ever seen including such great NFL kickers as Adam Vinatieri, George Blanda, Lou Groza, and Felix "The Foot" Faust.
Miss Lucy was born in La Brea, California, where she set the state high school record for extra point attempts, making 126 out of 126 during her four year high school career.
In the state championship game during her senior, she set a nationwide field goal distance record by kicking a 91-yard field goal, which split the uprights, just as pretty as you please.
Lucy, who has movie star looks, was also crowned the Homecoming Queen her junior and senior years, and she is not shy about allowing her date to get to third base on their first date.
Miss Tacoma recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years, a former drug cartel hit man from Guatemala
