SAN ANTONIO, Texas - (Sports Satire) - Zorro La Bamba, a writer with the Sports Bet Gazette reports that a 16-year-old freshman pitcher who attends San Antonio's Sandy Koufax High School has a damn fastball that has been clocked at 107 mph.
The freshman pitcher is named Elroy "The Laser" Farragut, and his paternal grandfather Flint Farragut pitched for the old Milwaukee Braves, before they moved to Atlanta back in 1966, in order to get away from the earthquakes, from the active volcano Mount Saint Beer, and from the horrific inclement Milwaukee weather, where one day its 89 and the next day its 19.
Flint Farragut was noted for being able to eat a bag of David's Sunflower Seeds every inning during a 9-inning game. He could also touch his eyebrows with his tongue.
Meanwhile "The Laser" Farragut can throw fastballs clocked at 107 mph. He can also throw a slow ball that has been clocked at 8 mph. And his screw ball is so screwy that it gives opposing batters, stress, headaches, and diarrhea. ■
