Pygmy Dwarf Sues NBA For “Height Discrimination”

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 4 January 2023

image for Pygmy Dwarf Sues NBA For “Height Discrimination”
Elmer Smuckmeister

BILLINGSGATE POST: During the 2022 NBA season, the average height of NBA players was 6’6”, which is 8 inches taller than the US average for males. The average height of a male Pygmy is about 5 feet. The world's shortest people are the Efe of Zaire, whose men average 4 foot 8 inches, about the same size as Shaquille O’Neal’s shoes.

Throughout history, Pygmy dwarfs have been discriminated against. In Australia, Dwarf-tossing is a pub activity in which the little people wear special padded clothing or Velcro costumes and are thrown onto Velcro-coated walls. Participants complete to throw the dwarf the farthest.

Worse, since November 1, 1946, when the first game in NBA history was played, not one Pygmy dwarf has broken into the lineup of any NBA team, although Tyrone Curtis “Muggsy” Bogues, who was 5 ft 3 in, came the closest. He played for four teams during his 14 season career in the NBA, but didn’t qualify as a dwarf because he was 3 inches over the limit.

Elmer Smuckmeister, from Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, was a “tweener.” A compact 5 footer, he was an All-State guard with the Beaver Crossing Flat Tails, leading them to the State Championship. He went on to play with the Wichita State Shockers, teaming with Dave “The Rave” Stallworth, who went on to the NBA after college.

Now, after over 60 years, Elmer is suing the NBA for discrimination.

“I could have been a contender.”

Dr. Slim: “There are 8 million stories in the Naked City. This is but one.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. All Elmer needed was a ladder.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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