BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - (Satire News) - A former cheerleader for The Sacajawea State University Buffalo Hunters was severely injured on her 83rd birthday.
Tandi Hoophaus, the senior executive director at The Older Than The Hills Senior Citzens Resort, reported that long-time resident Karen Jo Tickalini, 83, thought it would be a good idea to put on her Sacajawea State cheerleaders uniform (which amazingly still fits her) and do some rah rah yells and routines.
KJ, as the resort gynecologist calls her, did the first yell and routine and she got a semi-standing ovation.
After resting for 9 minutes, KJ did her second yell and routine, and when she went to do the splits, something went horribly wrong.
A front row witness, Dabner P. Manteen, who enjoys playing pin the tail on the donkey with Mrs. Tickalini, said he had warned her about attempting such a feat at her octogenarian age, but KJ being the stubborn old gal she is said that it would be a piece of cake.
Manteen replied that it was more like a smorgasbord of spaghetti, pasta, ravioli, and hamburger helper.
Tickalini ended up cracking 3 ribs, bruising her labia majora, and breaking her uterus.
SIDENOTE: Karen Jo was taken by EMS to The Bayou Swamp General Hospital where doctors say that her ribs and her labia majora should heal within 5 weeks, and they should remove the cast on her uterus in 2 to 4 weeks.
