A man who used to be called Clive, but now identifies as Mary (appropriately), has given birth!
Scientists are baffled but Christians are cock-a-hoop.
“Another virgin birth for another saviour! Jesus has returned! Does he need nappies? I babysit for salvation!”
Yes, Mary doesn’t know how she got pregnant except to say: “I had a weird and wonderful dream about a swan.”
This may refer to the Greek legend of Leda and the Swan, in which Zeus came down from Mount Olympus and took the form of a swan to seduce a gal name Leda and get her preggers … possibly with Hercules or some other “saviour of mankind” … but Christians know theirs is the only true saviour and none of their doctrine was plagiarized from previous myths and legends … cough …
Mary has been flooded with offers of marriage, cards and letters, sponsorships deals, her own TV show on Jesus TV, out of Arkansas, and other wonderful and generous gifts.
The Pope himself has actually gotten on one knee to kiss the hem of Mary’s garment and rub her belly for good luck.
(We think it was her belly, that is.)
What will she do with her new fame?
“Use my millions of dollars in charitable donations and do what the Trump family does – spend it all on myself – booze, drugs, hookers and trips to tropical islands where no satellite can see what I do all night long until Jesus is born again. And then … I will be a GODDESS, bitches!”
Et tu, Mary? With a new messiah in the works, some are asking what about the last one.
Atheist pastor and preacher of his own religion, “Bonerism”, Rev. Washbrain Scupper says:
“Jesus couldn’t save anyone, not even himself from being hung up by Rome. He was a dweeb. This new Jesus is gonna be all man! And some god in there too. But I still ain’t gonna worship him til he gives me what I want – bigger boners!"
This “journalist” turned off the tape recorder and walked away as Scupper began a 20 minute long harangue about why Viagra “don’t work so good fer me, no matter what them doctors say”.
Mary didn’t need Viagra to make herself and the world a new saviour.
A new age shall soon dawn. From the …. Holy Anus? … of a trans woman and He shall be a new guiding light for all the world to see and argue about and go to war over and commit genocides for 2000 years … and still the evangelicals of America won’t believe it until they see it, or maybe not even then.
PS: When the new Jesus was born (last night, at midnight, as hardcore death metal music played, possibly Sepultura) he had a tail and webbed hands and feet and gills … stick that in your theology and worship it, Darwin-denying Christians!
