Genes are fun! With them, you can bring the dead back to life. Pull a Jesus. I wonder if Lazarus ever got a say in being resurrected. As in: thanks, Jesus, but doesn’t this mean I have to die AGAIN? Thanks, asshole. Why don’t you go and bring a baby back to life – y’know, someone who barely had a life? Jesus Christ was a selfish asshole … just ‘cuz he had the hots for Lazarus (look, for the last goddamn time: yes, Jesus was gay! 12 disciples can’t be wrong! Deal with it! He was the Rainbow God!) and never had a chance to bone him, so he brought Laz rotting and stinking to High Heaven so he could listen to Jesus talking about how hot he USED to be.
Didn’t J. Christ (not to be confused with J. Crew) say, “Let the dead bury the dead,” but then didn’t take his own advice.
Where does all this lead?
Colossal Laboratories and Biosciences want to bring back to life the Woolley mammoth and the Tasmanian tiger. Why? ‘Cuz it’s fun to play god, and now gene manipulation can allow people to do that!
Why? (Stop asking that question!)
Because then those animals can be contained in zoos and studied and enjoyed by mom, dad and the 2.5 kids as the tiger and the mammoth wander in circles, wishing they had the brain power to commit suicide, or at least ask … Why?
Stop asking that! ‘Cuz human beings like to make new stuff, OK?
Why?
‘Cuz we are the species at the top of the food chain, and maybe some future billionaires wanna try eating a de-extincted animal. (Is that even a word? Or do these asshole scientists need to make up words to define and defend their Dr. Moreau-level of experimentation?)
Doesn’t everybody enjoy trying new foods? What will all the famous screaming chefs on TV have to cook if not something that prays for death … if it had a god to pray to? We humans are they’re gods!
Why?
‘CUZ FOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT ETHICS!
Ok, now shut up, this is happening, they’re spending millions, and the dodo is next … hopefully is doesn’t die again!
And again and again and again …
… when will the homo sapien sapien just fucking leave nature alone? Haven’t we done enough to it? The ice caps are melting – spend your millions on really big refrigerators, scientists-with-nothing-better-to-do-than-appease-the-stomachs-of-rich-pricks.
Don’t forget the gravy.
