Old people remembering the Coronation of their youth
83-year-old Edna and 79-year-old Tom, stalwarts of the Wet Sprocket pub in Mithering on the Trent, are both reminiscing about the previous coronation in 1953. "Do you remember that day?" asked Tom. "I do. I remember my neighbors had to hire the te…
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What will you be doing at the Coronation?
What are your plans for the Coronation this year? Are you a monarchist, supporting everything that the King says? Did you buy Spare? Did you read it? Do you know anyone who bought Spare? Do you like them? What do you think of Camilla? Really? Well…
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Pesto flavoured Hot Cross Buns are not flying off the shelves
Although they were marketed as a sensational taste, Pesto Hot Cross Buns have not sold a single one, yet. Tracey Happenstance, who works in the local supermarket told us: 'It was one thing when Heinz made the mayonaise Hot Cross Bun, or when they…
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Liberal Democrats poking their noses in again
Although you barely remember their names or faces, Liberal Democrats have been popping up all over your little city now that local elections are taking place. Group members, not evil enough to join the Conservatives or not sensitive enough for Lab…
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Table of women approached by four different men
In a crowded pub in Mithering on the Trent, Tracey and Sharon, along with three of their mates, were out for a good night of drinking wine and talking about life when their good time was spoiled by four different men approaching their table. "It h…
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Smartarse Inventor Outfoxes London Mayor: Designs Car Powered By ULEZ Regulations
Amateur scientist Angela Colvin has found a way around London’s financially crippling ULEZ scheme after designing a car which does not require fuel to run, instead being propelled by the same energy source that is causing the scheme to constantly exp…
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Man claiming Irish heritage really just a Thin Lizzy Fan
Man's watches telling the right time for the first time in six months
Hugh Grant's Cumberbund
Man sues psychic who failed to predict how disappointed he would be
Man who watched the Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special will not sleep for another three months
Can Gets Restraining Order Against Can Opener
Cuddles the Monkey
A man who has never seen any Inspector Morse episodes nonplussed by the ending of Endeavour
Couple who have never watched Happy Valley not really that sad about it ending
Lovejoy repeats and other things to look forward to in retirement
Passwords Are Trapping Civilization
Man Couldn't Find His Keys
Office playing Enya CD in honour of St Patrick's Day
Office staff at The Den in Mithering on the Trent are being forced to listen to Enya because it is St Patrick's Day. The Den, known as a leading Arts club for the youth is actually run by three people in their fifties who have not had their finger…
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Grandad Teaches Grandkids Valuable Easter Lesson
Grandad Mike Okesflat has made it on to the BBC news for teaching his two grandchildren the meaning of Easter. The two children, 6 and 5, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, were encouraged to go on an Easter egg hunt in his back yard. The…
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Office Joker not that funny
Although he has said he is the office joker, Wayne Hemmingway is not that funny and never has been. The real office joker is Brent David, who as well as being charming and debonair, has a great sense of humour that attracts the ladies. Speaking…
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Birkenhead Toilet in running for Unesco World Heritage status
A Birkenhead toilet is among seven sites in the UK and its overseas territories in the running to win Unesco World Heritage status. York City Centre and an iron age settlement in Shetland are also among the locations being put forward by the governme…
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Sensitivity Reader now Desensitised
Sensitivity reader Gloria Daisy has read so much rubbish trying to second guess what people in the future might find offensive, that she has become completely desensitised to fiction. 'Oh really' said Gloria 'I don't really care if some one who is…
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Small Child who can't swear at home or school, swearing at his grandparents
Four-year-old Joshua Atkinson from Mithering on the Trent has been told off for swearing at school and in front of his parents, so he has decided that he will swear for his grandparents this weekend instead. "So, I said '****' at school, and Ms. H…
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Man realises his high horse is lame
Although he is loved for his pomposity, lack of social skills and shoe throwing slightly right wing idiot William Gavinson has realised that his high horse is lame. 'Yes, a couple of people have told me lately that my views are a bit right wing fo…
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Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth
Old man Walter McKinley was today complaining about how the school down his road had been closed after a measly two inches of snow had fallen. The 87-year-old, who has lived in Mithering on the Trent for the past 59 years, and is seen as a local c…
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Norfolk Folk Keeping It In The Family
Ron Snogger got a shock when he opened an envelope from the County Court yesterday morning. Ron, 30, has been married to Ethel Snogger for the past 7 years, even though Ethel is nearly three times his age. Adopted at birth, Ron thought that he'd…
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Man on the Apprentice wants to be taken seriously
William Gaviscon, a 33-year-old from Mithering-on-the-Trent and a former contestant on The Apprentice in 2017 (he came 11th, you won't remember him), has claimed that as a businessman and influencer, he still has much to give to the world and would l…
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Starbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It
A mug produced by the world-famous coffee percolators, Starbucks Coffee, was found to be 'not fit for purpose' when one man decided to use it for the first time yesterday. Moys Kenwood, 55, gagging for a cup of tea, boiled some water in his kettle...
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Slough Woman Beats Work Attendance Record
A librarian from Slough has beaten all known employment records by turning up for work every day for 74 years. Doris Shelving, 89, has not missed a single day, including weekends, and has broken all known previous records. She began her longstandi…
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Weather man realises he has wasted his career
Weatherman Martin Briggs has revealed that the degree in meteorology he has had made him no more able to predict the weather than the average weather app on a mobile phone. To the people of Mithering on the Trent he is a familiar face and voice, t…
Read full storyFunny Local Headlines
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Starbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It
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Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth
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Smartarse Inventor Outfoxes London Mayor: Designs Car Powered By ULEZ Regulations
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Slough Woman Beats Work Attendance Record
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Norfolk Folk Keeping It In The Family
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Man on the Apprentice wants to be taken seriously
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Table of women approached by four different men
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Weather man realises he has wasted his career
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Pesto flavoured Hot Cross Buns are not flying off the shelves
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Man realises his high horse is lame
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Weather Can't Make up it's mind
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Office playing Enya CD in honour of St Patrick's Day
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Small Child who can't swear at home or school, swearing at his grandparents
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Liberal Democrats poking their noses in again
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Office Joker not that funny
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Sensitivity Reader now Desensitised
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Grandad Teaches Grandkids Valuable Easter Lesson
-
Birkenhead Toilet in running for Unesco World Heritage status
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What will you be doing at the Coronation?
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Old people remembering the Coronation of their youth
