Evangelicals will not obey the Bible anymore …well, not the Old part anyway

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 2 July 2023

image for Evangelicals will not obey the Bible anymore …well, not the Old part anyway
between Jehovah and the earth ... don't say nuthin' 'bout peoples

Biblical “scholars” are frightened and confused by a certain passage in the Bible that is being brought into a new light, via Twitter and other anger-inducing web pages.

Now let’s get one thing clear: this occurs in the Old Testament part, not the New, so the rabid evangelicals in America can still think that their American version of Jesus didn’t condone what the old Jewish patriarchs who wrote the Old, or the Torah, obviously favored.

You can see what Genesis says up there in the clouds.

Genesis is pretty old (probably not as old as some Hindu holy books, but the Indians came before the Hebrews, so whoever writes the most and the earliest gets to tell the other religions: “What took your god so long to show up?” This really irks Christians and Muslims and Scientologists, but then again, what doesn’t?)

Here is the dilemma: if God loves rainbows, then why don’t Christians love gay people?

If Jesus came back tomorrow and said to all his followers: “Would you PLEASE just fucking get along with each other – I’m not getting crucified again for you assholes!” … would his followers finally stop waging endless wars against everybody, including themselves?

Nope. Fuck no. Have you seen Twitter? (Is it down again? Elon! Wake up, Elon! Your rocket blew up and your electric cars are killing people on the sidewalks of the world!)

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t shove a Bible down its throat and tell it to pray to a fake god. If you understand that analogy, then you might just be as MAGA as Jesus … but not Moses.

I don’t understand it myself, but I love rainbows! How can you not? God does. Don’t you love God, Bible Belt Americans?

PS: Thank fucking Christ Pat Robertson is finally goddamn DEAD! Died during Pride Month … if that’s not proof of a rainbow-loving God …

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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