Big Al forms an exploratory committee

Funny story written by Philip J. Moss

Tuesday, 27 June 2023

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Hey hey hey!

“Okay, okay!” Big Al fired a shot into the ceiling. “Youse guys in the back, settle down, we got serious business to get to.” He turned to the man seated next to him. “Jimmy?”

Jimmy Two Nose got to his feet. “We set up focus groups in two counties, and here are the results. Among college educated whites, we stand an 18% chance; among college educated non-whites, 12%. Among non-college whites, we stand at 44%, and among all non-college voters at 56%. Among suburban housewives, not so good, just 4%.” He sat down.

Moose stood up, and asked, “Why are we messing around with this stuff in the first place? What’s wrong with the way we was doin’ business before?” He sat down again. Big Al sighed. “Tell him, Jimmy."

“Was nothing wrong with it, but could be better. See, this way if we get prosecuted for something, we can drag it out for years, and then throw our lawyers under the bus.”

“And,” Big Al added, “we can claim to be victims and ask our supporters to contribute so’s we can pay our legal fees.”

“Why do we got to pay legal fees if we’re gonna throw the lawyers under the bus?” Moose asked. Big Al sighed again. “Tell him, Jimmy.”

“We don’t pay ‘em. We just tell everybody that’s why we need their contributions.”

“Only one thing,” Big Al continued. “We got to figure out a way to get before that judge, what’s her name, in the Southern District of Florida.”

“Cannon,” Jimmy said. “Eileen Cannon. I’m working on it.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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