Adolf Hitler thought his life was a movie

Funny story written by Jake de Fake

Wednesday, 7 June 2023

image for Adolf Hitler thought his life was a movie
" 'Mein Kampf ' it's sure to be a best seller, it has plenty of maddness," Hitler says.

A lot of people go to the cinema to see their favourite actors on the big screen. In the case of Adolf Hitler, he actually thought he was an actor in a major film production called "The Great Rise of a German Bonaparte."

His doctor recalls not having the heart to diagnose him with schizophrenia. He did give him some medicine for the delusions.

In a preview clip released, Mrs. Ava recalled the moment her baby, Adolf, realized he was no longer an actor.

Hitler suddenly woke up to reality after having lived through an imaginary play in his mind. He's in the F├╝hrerbunker at the Chancellery building when suddenly they brought him a cyanide pill with a gun. "Are these props for the final scene?" said Hitler. It was then that Ava told Hitler the truth, that his friends had lied to him for years, and that they were all actors in a major production.

The actor and father of two jokes that he will not be able to sit with his children when they are older to explain to them that he, in fact, was an actor. Ava quickly disclosed to Hitler for the first time that she never secretly gave birth to Hitler's children, and she lied about being a vegan. For a couple of seconds, Hitler went silent and apathetic.

Hitler was shocked when he heard that Joseph Goebbels was a real sadomasochist and that Goebbels had stained his hands with blood. It was too much for the F├╝hrer, and he went crazy in front of everybody. "Why blood and not paint?" sobbed Hitler.

"Then it is not true that my dear friend Churchill would meet me in Paris for tea and a game of whist!" Hitler shouted.

Ava began to sob and asked him to pull himself together; the situation was serious. "The Russians are closing in, and they're really going to torture us," says Ava.

As part of the production, Hitler remembered transferring 600 billion to his cousin in Austria. His cousin had secretly purchased Austrian gold, which he was laundering through business ventures. He asked Ava to get Rochus Misch to drive them to a makeshift airport east of Berlin where he had a private plane that was secretly hidden. They would land in Hanover, where his mother's cousin lives.

Years ago, Hitler had an underground compound built under a wine cellar at his cousin's house. "We could stay there until the war is over, then we'll leave for Austria using my cousin's identity," explains Hitler. Hitler has a strong resemblance to his Hanover cousin.

In Austria, his other cousin owns a luxury mansion with an underground compound that was created in the event the war was lost and Hitler would need to build a new life. The mansion is surrounded by a tall wall that's covered from the outside with a tall hedge.

Misch told Hitler there's a house to the left of the Chancellery, where Goebbels had two frozen corpses that were doubles of Ava and Hitler. They would burn both corpses in a pit to resemble a suicide. Goebbels had the dental records of the corpses switched with Ava's and Hitler's records at their dental offices.

"A million thanks to you, dear Goebbels, my deranged friend," says Hitler as he escapes to Hanover with Ava.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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