Murder, She Wrote brought back to life. Sub heading Murder She Re-wrote

Funny story written by The Sarcastic Mother

Friday, 24 March 2023

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For anyone on this planet who has never seen an episode of Murder, She Wrote let me quickly fill you in. The show is essentially a crime drama but without all the rape and torture.

The story's protagonist is Jessica Fletcher, a murder mystery/crime author, sleuth and would-be detective. Jessica lives in the quiet town of Cabot Cove, Maine, but she also likes to travel. Wherever she goes, whoever she meets, there is a murder. But don’t worry she always finds the killer and saves the day. This series was one of the most successful and longest-running television shows ever for CBS, pulling in close to 23 million viewers in its prime.

Incredibly, despite the last episode being filmed and screened more than 25 Years ago, the series remains as popular as ever. Now CBS hope to cash in on the show's continued popularity by making a new series. Now here comes the exciting bit, they are asking budding writers to pen the first script in an exciting competition launched this week.

The winning script will help to create the first episode and the winner will be invited to join the team at CBS as a scriptwriter. So come on budding writers, what are you waiting for?

Please note: The producers promise to read through every submission. But they ask that entrants check their script against the selection criteria before emailing it to them.

“By running this competition, we hope to inject some new blood into the company. However, we do not wish to deviate from our winning formula too much as we know this is what has made the show so successful.

Selection Criteria

E - Essential | D - Desirable

  1. Does Jessica Fletcher make a trip of some kind to either a distant relative or an old friend? Is the trip made by plane? If, on the other hand she stays in the sleepy town of Cabot Cove does a distant relative/old friend come to visit her? (E)
  2. Is there a terrible but blood-free murder in the first 10 – 15 minutes of the episode? (E)
  3. Is there a police officer in the story who keeps getting annoyed with Jessica and tells her to stay out of police business? Does he/she utter something along the lines of ‘You may write about murders lady, but we don’t need the help of some writer and would-be detective around here. Go home Ma’am and let us do our job. (D)
  4. Alternatively, does the police officer welcome Jessica's help and advice because he or she is inept at their job? (D)
  5. Is Jessica determined to find out what really happened in the town? Does she use her incredible skills of observation and detection to find this out? (E)
  6. Does Jessica discretely eavesdrop on a conversation or sneak a look at a confidential file? In doing so does she gain a key piece of evidence /clue in the investigation that the police have either missed or are unaware of (D)
  7. Does someone massively underestimate Jessica's powers of deduction because she is an older woman? Do they not realise that she is, in fact, the greatest detective the world has ever seen?
  8. Is there a portly coroner and a strangely familiar policeman in the episode?
  9. Is there a character in the story who is from another country maybe Ireland Russia, England, Canada or The Caribbean for example? If ever this is a ‘foreigner’ in the story we like to choose a home-grown America actor to play the part. They always do such a fantastic job of the accent.
  10. Is there a vaguely good-looking rogue in the story who police suspect committed the murder but is in fact innocent? Alternatively, is there an attractive but slightly odd woman hanging around? Could she have committed the Murder? (E)
  11. Does the episode contain at least one scene where someone is in a cell at the local police station, ideally the innocent man/woman? (D)
  12. Does Jessica miss her flight home or decide to catch a later one? (D)
  13. Is there a seductive older-looking woman in the episode? Ideally, we are looking for someone attractive in a Dynasty kind of way. (D)
  14. Does a mature gentleman invite Jessica out for dinner? (E)
  15. Are there any homosexual characters in the episode? Despite Jessica Lansbury being a gay icon, we have so far not had any gay characters. This is something we’d like to change. We don’t want the show to be so dated and be accused of not moving with the times. Perhaps Cabot Cove will get its first gay bar? Maybe the Sherrif is bi? (E)
  16. Is there a fan of Jessica Fletcher's books in the episode who is over the moon to finally meet the famous author? Alternatively, does someone bump into Jessica purely by chance, and then discover with delight who she is? Do they utter the words, “Your Jessica Fletcher, the Jessica Fletcher, OMG I’ve read all your books. (D)
  17. Alternatively, is there a character in the story, quite possibly a man who has read one of JF's books but doesn’t care much for her style of writing and/or plot and is not afraid to tell her? (D)
  18. Is there a scene where Jessica tells one of the characters that she knows who the killer/killers are but will need a little help exposing them? (D)
  19. Alternatively, does a chance remark or a visual clue in the story cause Jessica to have an epiphany? Does she subsequently run out of shot, whilst muttering the words, “It all makes sense now” (D)
  20. Does the episode end with Jessica dicing with death and about to come to a sticky end when someone already featured in the story shows up and saves the day, ideally a police officer holding a gun? Was it all an elaborate set-up engineered by the amazing Jessica Fletcher (D)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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