Who is this man known as Klaus Schwab?
I, Hefty Baggie, the world’s most intrepid reporter, went deep undercover and put on my lederhosen to scale the highest mountain in Switzerland, where I found the World Economic Forum secret hideaway and Super Lolita Emporium & Water Slide.
It took me three hours of painstaking crawling and hiding in the shadows until I reached the inner sanctum of The Schwab! And as though seeing a scene from Star Wars, I saw Schwab in some kind of steel egg split in two, having his head attached, just like Darth Vader and his helmet!
Ah ha! I knew it! Schwab is no mortal man … he is half-AI advanced cyborg, and half Sith!
He turned his wrinkly face to me.
“Welcome, my friend. You have done well infiltrating my secret compound. And now you shall learn the horrifying truth!”
He told me he speaks with a German accent because, thanks to Hitler, it is one of the most – if not THE most – feared accents on Earth. People respect and fear it – do as I say or it’s up against the wall for you – schnell!
Since I had infiltrated where few dared to in the past, The Real Schwab told me I could know all the forbidden secrets of the world – what exactly is in a triple-decker baconator burger from Burger King, for example, and will the Shamrock shake ever return, like Jesus – but by knowing the forbidden, I can never leave the Swiss mountain.
In a daring ski race down the mountain worthy of Roger Moore, I escaped The Schwab’s lair to tell my story.
He is not human … beware this man … he wants to be another Genghis Khan, another Queen Victoria, another Caesar – to make himself the King of kings, immortal (which is what all rich and powerful people wish for, thinking themselves as little gods), one which will outshine all the dictators of the past.
Will people 1000 years in the future remember The Schwab? He will do all in his unholy power to make sure they do! Even if he has to build a pyramid taller than that of Cheops!
Fear the new Pharaohs!
