BROOKLYN, New York - (Satire News) - Daily Drama reporter Cinderella St. Lamb has compiled a list of texts from prostitutes who ply their trade in Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Queens.
These street walkers have all been working girls for lots of years; including Totsi Florandello (shown in photo holding sign), who has been a Bronx whore for 17 years.
1. I have not worn panties since I was 24 - I'm now 43.
2. I haven't shaved my pussy in seven years. My crotch region looks like a Chia Pet.
3. Unlike most prostitutes - I'll take pennies.
4. I've had my pussy circumcised (twice).
5. I can moan and groan in six different languages (including Swahili).
6. My rectal cavity has been so stretched out from doing it "Greek Style" that my anus can easily hold a full-sized cantaloupe.
7. I recently had my ovaries pierced.
8. I have been faking orgasms since I was 16.
9. My mouth is so big, I can suck three standard-sized dicks at the same time.
10. I am so fucking good, that if you are not satisfied, I'll give you double your money back.
NOTE: A total of 701 whores were interviewed for this article; ranging in age from 19 to 79.
