I had to go to my shrink again due to my crippling brain diseases, but this time I asked him questions instead of him asking me. He’s a girl who likes boys who likes girls who is a boy. And I’M the confused one?!
Doctor [name withheld], if a person says they see and hear a person, place or thing that does not actually exist, could they have some form of mental illness?
“Why, yes, yes they could have. Want some pills?”
Oh no, thank you, doctor – well, what are those? Purple. I like purple.
Doctor, if people think a person who lived long ago will come back someday, are they crazy?
“Crazy to wait so long, I’d say. LMAO.” (He actually said those letters. Shrinks are fucking nuts.)
Doctor, I have learned that various old gods and men have convinced many people that they have ascended to some kind of heaven and will return. From Osiris, that man-god once worshipped by the ancient Egyptians, to more modern day whack jobs known as Scientologists, who believe a hack science-fiction writer by the name of L will return. Possibly in a space ship with young girls by his side wearing hot pants as he sends out his fleet of yellow submarines. (I wish I was making most of this up, but most of it is true. They weren’t necessarily yellow.)
“Was there a question in there? Want some LSD? I can get tons of illegal shit – I’m a fucking doctor, baby!”
Uh … doctor, I believe that both you and those who have some kind of religion are in ill health. They wish to govern their lives by a fantasy story. And if most of the world is run by religions, then isn’t this life a fantasy? Comedy is reality, but everything else is a cartoon.
“I’m Superman, fuckers!”
He shot off through a window, sure that he could fly.
If I didn’t fit into the status religious quo, then I was clearly mad. When religion is in charge of anything, it’s probably better to fly far, far away.
Drugs or religion, an opiate is an opiate. My doctor or my priest, they’re both as crazy as Christ.
