PHILADELPHIA – (Satire News) – Ipso Facto News is reporting that a woman in the City of Brotherly Love has just become the country’s very first woman to have what is being touted as intimate tri-surgery.
Venus Guffanski, who dances under the stage name 'Jane,' told IFN reporter Fuchsia Garfunkel that she has just received surgery which gave her an artificial vagina, an artificial hymen, and artificial sex hormones.
Miss Guffanski, who just turned 22, recently divorced her fourth husband, 89-year-old, Texas oilman Mildorf Pishette, says that she was able to pay for all of her female surgery with her half of the $42 million divorce settlement.
Venus, who many say is the spitting image of Khloe Kardashian, told Miss Garfunkel, that she plans on having the 8 tattoos, that old Mildorf demanded that she get, removed.
SIDENOTE: Six of the ‘tats’ were on her pubic region, and one on each gazonga (tit).
