Iggle Piggle, Upsy Daisy and Makka Pakka held on drugs charge
Three children's TV characters are being held today after a drugs raid uncovered £1000's of heroin and cocaine. Officers from the In The Night Garden drugs squad recovered the drugs after a series of early morning raids carried out on the Pinky Po...
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U.S. Customs Officers In Laredo Discover 9 Pounds of Marijuana In a Woman’s Fake Ass
LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – The United States Department of Immigration and Customs has pretty much seen it all as far as individuals trying to smuggle illegal drugs into the U.S. Laredo Sector Director Melody G. Ventinberry, 43, reported that…
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Strip Club Owner Bans 'Pour Some Sugar On Me"
The owner of a strip club in, yes, you guessed it... Florida, has heard the Def Leppard hit, Pour Some Sugar On Me, one too many times, and has officially banned the song from being played by any of the strippers in his club—no matter how hot they ar…
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Princess Margaret caught Aids from gangster lover/crack dealer Bindon
London - (Sordid Cold Whore Mess): Bitter and twisted mobster's moll Princess Margaret died from complications linked to Aids and cocaine addiction after becoming contaminated by her gangster crack dealer lover John Bindon according to a TV docu-dram...
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Archbishop of Canterbury fined for speeding
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Wellbehold, has admitted that he has paid a fine after being caught speeding. The event happened two days after he crowned King Charles III at Westminster Abbey. The cleric told us, "To be honest, I was buzz…
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John Cena taking Drugs
It was absolutely and unequivocally confirmed today (honestly) that 3-Time WWE Champion and 1-Time US Champion John Cena has been using drugs during matches. 3,000 kg of a heroin-cocaine drug combination was found in John Cena's blood stream duri...
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Ghana Drugs Girls Don't Know Nuffink
Ted Cruz Says He Has No Idea How The 183 Opioid Pills Got In His Political Attache Case
Researchers report Aspirin "Miracle Aphrodisiac"
Colombian police smash pigeon drug cartel!
Tony Blair tests drugs
Mexico Has Decided To Legalize Marijuana
Colorado Was The First State To Legalize Marijuana For Recreational Use - Now California Is The First State To Legalize Cocaine For Recreational Use
Puff the Magic Dragon's Friend, Little Jackie Paper, Arrested For Possession
Osama spent retirement tending his skunk crop
Whorse-doping drug Ketamine removed from Jackson mansion
Am I crazy, or am I lead deficient?
President Barack Obama's Prized Bong is Missing
Trucks used as part of Cartel drug trafficking operation
F.B.I. News: Alleged drug traffickers are using taco trucks, ice cream trucks, air conditioning repair trucks, plumbing trucks, and pizza delivery vehicles to distribute pounds of meth, cocaine and heroin, state prosecutors said Wednesday. They us…
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A Guatemalan drug cartel submarine captured off the California coast
Ipso Facto News Agency writer Sinclair Petaluma brings an action-packed report of the daring capture of a cartel submarine off the coast of Redondo Beach by US Drug Enforcement agents. According to a DEA spokesperson, federal agents successfully i…
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Breakfast Cereal Mascots Encourage Drug Use
GOLDEN VALLEY, MN - For years, parents have believed what they were giving their children for breakfast were completely innocent, nutritious, and healthy, sugar-laden cereals. Anti-drug activists, however, have revealed that those naive parents were...
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Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan
The Dallas Cowboys like to do it the hard way, and they did it the hard way against Atlanta last night, after coming back from a huge first quarter deficit of 20 points, and a 29-10 halftime reverse, to steal the game away from the Falcons 'at the de…
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King size 'Rizla' buyers targeted by police
People who buy extra long cigarette rolling papers are likely to be followed and monitored by undercover narcotics officers according to a jointly released report commissioned by both the Irish and British Police forces. Detective Inspector Mary J...
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The Reason Why DEA K-9 Agent Rover Boy Was Entered Into a Dog Drug Rehab Clinic
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - The Drug Enforcement Agency, is reporting that K-9 Drug Dog Agent Rover Boy, who is regarded as one of the DEA's top drug sniffing dogs, has been entered into a drug rehab clinic. Rover Boy, who is 8, or 56 in do…
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Isle Of Wight Outrage At Possible Landmark Name Change
Council officials have angered local bumpkins on the Isle of Wight, by suggesting they rename the famous Needles near Alum Bay, off the western point of the island. Councillor Wilf Burlap was speaking at a town meeting, called to try and increase...
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Michael Gove Says Taking 'Class A' Drugs Should Not Prevent Him From Being Prime Minister
Michael Gove, one of eleven Conservative MPs vying for the job of party leader, has said that the fact that he "took cocaine on several occasions more than 20 years ago" should not affect his bid to become Britain's prime minister. Gove, ironicall...
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A Sexy NFL Cheerleader Is Fired After It's Learned That She Is Dating A Drug Cartel Hitman
SECRET CITY, USA - (Sports Satire) - The NFL tired to keep this story under wraps but Hercules Confetti, a writer with The Turnstile Review, broke the story about a football cheerleader who has been dating a hitman with an infamous Guatemalan drug ca…
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NASA dubs GJ 1214b Super Earth 'Planet Cannabis'
Groom Lake, Nevada - A water-world with a 'thick and steamy' atmosphere was nicknamed Planet Cannabis at NASA HQ today. Reports have described it as a gigantic organic hydroponic ecosystem orbiting a red dwarf in the Ophiuchus constellation of The...
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Airport employs drug sniffing turtles
Seattle, WA When Washington state made marijuana legal it was not without problems. Drug dogs at the airport were losing their minds. A spokesperson said that the constant barking for even small amounts of the drug made for a toxic and noisy envi…
Read full storyFunny Drugs Headlines
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John Cena taking Drugs
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Iggle Piggle, Upsy Daisy and Makka Pakka held on drugs charge
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Isle Of Wight Outrage At Possible Landmark Name Change
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NASA dubs GJ 1214b Super Earth 'Planet Cannabis'
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Michael Gove Says Taking 'Class A' Drugs Should Not Prevent Him From Being Prime Minister
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Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan
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Airport employs drug sniffing turtles
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U.S. Customs Officers In Laredo Discover 9 Pounds of Marijuana In a Woman’s Fake Ass
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Archbishop of Canterbury fined for speeding
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A Guatemalan drug cartel submarine captured off the California coast
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Richie Rich Caught on Gay Party Tape
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Murder Suspect Accused Of Murdering Himself Appears At Crown Court
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Party animal pussy
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Breakfast Cereal Mascots Encourage Drug Use
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King size 'Rizla' buyers targeted by police
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Princess Margaret caught Aids from gangster lover/crack dealer Bindon
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The Reason Why DEA K-9 Agent Rover Boy Was Entered Into a Dog Drug Rehab Clinic
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A Sexy NFL Cheerleader Is Fired After It's Learned That She Is Dating A Drug Cartel Hitman
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Strip Club Owner Bans 'Pour Some Sugar On Me"
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Trucks used as part of Cartel drug trafficking operation
