Catholics the world over are excited by Pope Francis’ new and improved way for his minions to eat their god.
Usually, the priest would stick a piece of hard … something (they called it a wafer or a cracker, but who knows with those people, all lies and blood and cannibalism) … into the mouths of men, women, and children (OMG! I bet that’s how the abuse started! Grooming via the tastebuds!) and they called it puppy love … no, that’s not it, probably something more divine.
But the taste was so bland! Jeeze, Jesus … get some flavor why dontcha?
So now Pope Frank (as his closest massage therapists can call him, but no one else!) has decided to put a little something extra on those communion wafers.
He won’t give away the secret ingredients, but it’s a white paste, very gooey and salty, and it will slowly drip down your chin if the wafer misses your mouth.
And Catholics love it!
Sister Mary Elephant said: “Mmm, my Lord never tasted so good! I stick him on my tongue and He gives me hours of satisfaction!”
Cardinal Pimplepopper commented, “The Holy Father has shot a sweet load right on target! I love having the Lord on my face – even in my eye, I don’t care. And He makes a great shampoo!”
And Pepe, the Guatemalan altar boy said: “It tickles!”
(I just puked).
So to the billion-plus Catholics all over the world, get ready to drop to your knees, open wide, and receive the Lord’s hot gooey sticky white paste – the Pope guarantees you’ll crave it every mass and all night long – and you just might be asking for seconds!
Taste the Jesus Cheese!
