The new Russian McDonald's

Funny story written by Astroid Crunch

Friday, 20 May 2022

image for The new Russian McDonald's
The Golden Burger sample menu

Good things come to those who wait. McDonald's sold it's business to a local buyer in Russia after it was forced out of business by international sanctions.

Dr. Zhivago who currently operates 25 McDonald's restaurants in Siberia, will take on the firm's restaurants and staff, operating them under a new brand, the fast food giant said.

Zhivago will name his new franchise "Golden Burger." People around the world who tasted samples of the new Golden Burger menu gave it great review's.

McDoogy as McDonald's is known in Eastern Europe, did not disclose the sale price, but has warned investors it would take a more than $1bn hit from the exit.

The Golden Burger's ’Big Leo’ sandwich consists of two 4 oz beef patties, "special sauce" (a variant of French dressing), shredded iceberg lettuce, cheese slices, sliced dill pickles, and minced onions, served in a three-part sesame seed bun with the center bun being thin and buttery flavored.

A Hollywood celebrity bit into a sample 'Big Leo' and said, "This is amazing, just incredible, I've never tasted anything this good!"

The price of the Big Leo is .19 pence. How can Golden Burger make a profit at that prize? Zhivago explains, "We will grow our own feed, produce our own water and we will raise our own beef. Our company will hold ownership of other corporation's to balance our profit margin." The meat patties are a combination of black Angus beef and Wagyu beef.

The Golden Burger company will operate from Moscow and it will have a trillion dollar tax free fund to supply franchise owners around the world with free utilities and lease to increase their profits. Material's to assemble a Big Leo will only cost the franchise owner's .05 pence. The secret to Big Burger's success is that it will hold all the stock ownership for it's corporation which goes back into reinvestment. Golden Burger will also supply the world with much needed employment.

With 30 people buying Big Leo's at .15 pence every 5 minutes, Golden Burger will reach a profit of $5.70, in only 5 minutes. The Golden Burger accounting system is intriguing to see.

The golden french fries are cooked in 1/3 part canola oil, 1/3 part pork fat and 1/3 part beef fat. At .10 pence for a medium fries, you can't get a better deal elsewhere. The sample fries are aromatic, crispy and flavorful.

They will serve fish and chips with the fish being coated in a McNugget type crust served with tarter sauce or sweat and sour sauce. The fish and chip meal is priced at .30 pence, making it a great value.

McDonald's had operated in Russia for more than 30 years and now a better replacement has been created by Zhivago. He hopes his new franchise will spread across the world.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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